To regret moving DP in to my house

[JadeySmiles]

Hi all, the previous topic isn’t accepting new posts so I thought I’d update here.

We have had the conversation about split of
chores, DP said he can chip in ‘as and when needed’ but he didn’t have a suggested split as I hoped which was frustrating.

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

He was a bit funny with this and suggested I’m backtracking on an agreement. But we didn’t ever set a timeline. He says his Mum has
told him the funds she/his Dad are gifting are currently in a low paying interest account and if he doesn’t take them soon they’ll fix them for a year so he needs to hurry up if he wants them.

I said this doesn’t change my feelings and we need to see how things go. He seems to be sulking now and has been on his games console in the spare bedroom since dinner, which he criticised and said he’s getting fed up with the same vegan meals. I told him he’s welcome to cook for us tomorrow!!

I agree with the PP who commented that he's using sales techniques. It's very manipulative.
Chores are part of living anywhere you are living, not just for people in the mortgage.
The absolute cheek.
Op, really, do not keep living with this prince of a man and his princely toilet steaks.

This! It's put really well. He's telling you who he is. It's your choice if you want to accept that or not. Please look after yourself. You are wise to keep him off the mortgage.

Omg @JadeySmilesplease listen to the very wise advice you’ve been given on this and the other thread. This man wants half your house. Being asked to do chores and now he says it’s “awkward” as he’s not on the mortgage? You can surely see that he’s taking you for a complete mug? He wasn’t awkward when he was leaving shit in the toilet for you to clear up.

Some years ago, I had a friend who moved a man in. She was finally mortgage free and in a good place. She put him on the deeds. Guess what happened? He left her and took her to court and got 50% of her property awarded to him. Must have been like winning the lottery! She was unable to buy again and is renting towards retirement. This is what is going to happen to you. This is not a mess, it’s easy, you end the relationship and walk away with your home and your dignity. This man is a cocklodging red flag.

I knew that I didn't want to open this thread, I wonder if I will ever learn to trust my own instincts!

Please, please, please "dump" him 🙏🩷

count your blessings that he showed his true colours so early on! Dump and upgrade.

Sorry OP but honestly at this point you need to just dump him and tell him to move out.

Of course...

You have to tell him what to do - he can't simply see the jobs that need doing for himself and do them.

Then of course, when you tell him, you'll be a nag.

And when you ask again, and again, because he hasn't done them, hoping you'll get bored waiting and do it for him... you're controlling.

Or of course you do them for him and quietly seethe about it, and its 'well you could have just asked'...

I'd heave him out straight away - but if you want to test him further..

1 - see what he cooks. Don't ask again, just wait for him to offer and cook tomorrow night. I bet he won't cook or he will get a takeaway for himself.

2 - suggest that its probably best if you live together for a year before adding him to the mortgage...It gives you both time to iron things out and his parents can get a better return on their cash which gives him more to invest in a years time.

I suspect the reaction to THAT is all you will need.

No one deserves to be treated badly, there are predators who can hone
in on vulnerable people and take advantage

Yes - the longer fixed term savings accounts have better interest rates too!

He’s sitting in a bedroom playing on a games console?! Mmmm, what a catch!

Do not add him to your mortgage. That would be financial suicide.

Absolutely awful to hear of your poor friend losing her home. It does happen. Hope she’s okay.

@sandpiperspring Thanks for the article. It reminded me of the time, about 40 years ago, after my first child was born. I was anxious and depressed, had no idea about babies and nobody to help me. My husband went straight back to work and I muddled through, doing everything. A few years later in an argument, he reminded me of that time when he got 'fed up of waiting for his shirts to be ironed'. He didn't even say anything at the time, let alone actually get the iron out and do it himself! It took me years to realise how ridiculous that was.

It will take jadey a lot of strength to do this, from outside its easy to see the issues, when she says no and leave he will plead, sulk, maybe even pretend to agree to housework, or become aggressive, he has an agenda to get onto mortgage he won't like not getting his way

Look OP, you have your answer; it's obvious that he's a cocklodger. FFS please wake up. Last thread you were self assured, determined etc. Now you're all 'Oh I'm afraid he'll dump me'. You should be dumping him! Tell him it's over. Where is that confident and take-no-nonsense woman from last thread? It's obvious he had no intention of splitting the chores. He agreed to sit down and work something out, then he just 'oh, whatever, whenever you need me to do something'. So he had no intention of even sitting down and working out anything. Did he. He wants a free home and you cleaning. ffs chuck him out today!!

LilleyPG my x husband was same had son 8.30 in morning had to wake him up for birth he dropped me my toddler son and baby at home at 4pm and went out wouldn't change nappy every he also complained about ironing so I ironed jeans with creases in wrong place starched his underpants he did get annoyed but was worth it for the joy it gave me

You still think this is a relationship you should be continuing in?

It is a little bit of a mess, yes. But only inasmuch as he will need to move out and you will need to break up. If you don't, you'll be in for a really miserable life. I really hope you heed the warnings you've had on here.

You need to say to him "look, we agreed to sit down and work out a roster. It's now obvious you weren't genuine and never intended to do it. Your answer is not good enough. I meant what I said. I want you to leave by tomorrow/such and such date."

Please please don’t add him to the mortgage

He will not dump you he wants half your house with u being maid and doubt he will pay for anything once he has half your house and then u will get more jobs like wipe my bum

The solution is clear - you must chuck him out. You seem to be nervous about doing so, probably because you know he'll argue, be moody, sulk, get angry etc. Yes, he probably will, but once he knows you mean it, he'll go - back to mummy, no doubt. Have courage, you won't regret it. Get rid asap.

Oh no OP, I'm sorry the chat didn't go well. He's behaving a bit like a child isn't he?

OP- you take any course of action that isn't moving him out. Then this is on you.

Open your eyes

Tough love but domt you fucking DARE add him to the mortgage

GOOD!!!! Job done, he's a knob.

LilleyPJ does DP actually have mum with funds for house, I would think not, or DP could have put that in or bought his place