To regret moving DP in to my house

[JadeySmiles]

Hi all, the previous topic isn’t accepting new posts so I thought I’d update here.

We have had the conversation about split of
chores, DP said he can chip in ‘as and when needed’ but he didn’t have a suggested split as I hoped which was frustrating.

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

He was a bit funny with this and suggested I’m backtracking on an agreement. But we didn’t ever set a timeline. He says his Mum has
told him the funds she/his Dad are gifting are currently in a low paying interest account and if he doesn’t take them soon they’ll fix them for a year so he needs to hurry up if he wants them.

I said this doesn’t change my feelings and we need to see how things go. He seems to be sulking now and has been on his games console in the spare bedroom since dinner, which he criticised and said he’s getting fed up with the same vegan meals. I told him he’s welcome to cook for us tomorrow!!

It's very upsetting when a relationship you have invested time and dreams into doesn't work out. It would however be more upsetting to be financially tied to this man and lose your home because he claimed he couldn't help with housework without being on the mortgage.

Do not entangle yourself financially with this man.

I've never read a thread here that I feel so strongly about. I really really hope she does what's best for her.

I think, no matter how frustrating and upsetting this situation is, the thing to keep in mind here is how lucky you've got. He's not on your mortgage, you've not had babies with him and he is shooting you his behaviour.

I guess you could give him a few weeks to see if he "chips in" 50% of the housework. I suspect he won't but if you were feeling generous you could give him the benefit of the doubt. But don't get sucked back into living like you are now forever.

I originally thought if living together this early didn’t work then he could move out and we’d continue with the relationship and try again in the future, but I don’t think that’s realistic now. If I suggested going back on this I think he’d dump me.

What a mess 😫

To echo the start of my last post on your first thread:

Ha, ha, ha,

He might be a bit more interested once you hand him ownership of somewhere north (and potentially the equivalent of travelling to the Arctic Tundra, depending upon where you live) of a hundred thousand pounds?

He's not even got it in him to pretend for more than a month that he gives a shit about you, not even with the prospect of his gullible girlfriend giving him more money than he's ever going to begrudgingly hand over for groceries, bearing in mind he's being housed for free as well.

Fuck's sake woman, if you want an ungrateful but aesthetically pleasing male in the house, get a sodding cat.

At least you’ve found out early on that you’re not compatible. Better to find out now while you have no real financial ties.

He’s shown that not only is he unwilling to pull his own weight, but that his response to you raising this issue is to sulk rather than having reasonable discussion like an adult.

Do NOT put him on the mortgage until at least two years have gone by. Why? Because it is very rare for somebody to pretend they are something else for that long. However, he has already shown you who he is. Repeatedly.

Are you going to ignore what he keeps telling you? No equal partner "chips" in with chores as and when. He's not great father material either.

Also his comments about the money his parents are giving him show that he is only thinking about himself. He is not interested in waiting in the interest of the relationship. Just cares that he might miss out on money for a year.

so many red flags….

You think he might dump you???

No. No, YOU dump HIM, he can move out over the Easter weekend or better still, tomorrow.

Can you not see this will never get better?

You should be dumping him. Do not put him on the mortgage.

If he is willing to dump you over this, then so be it OP, you're not the problem here. All he has to do is grow up a little, you are sacrificing so much more.
I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I'm sorry OP but he's a disaster. Get him out pronto .

Just dump him. He's never going to pitch in. Definitely don't out him on the mortgage. Just get rid

As if he’ll do chores once a he’s on the mortgage. This isn’t asking him to pay to renovate a kitchen, it’s his own shit in the toilet bowl! And yet you’re worried about him dumping you?! DUMP HIM.

I told the gist of the original thread to my 17 year old DS earlier, who does way more in our house than your DP, and he thought it was a wind up. So either this is a wind up, or as others have said you’ll be back here in a few years with a couple of babies complaining about your useless husband. Or leave him and find someone better.

As a test, just say you don't think it will be a good idea to put him on the mortgage and he should let his parents reinvest the 'money' (I doubt it exists, it's all part of his manipulation).

His response to that will be his true, unfiltered self (which he is more-or-less already showing you, but you still want him...EEK!)

Nah, if he isn’t now in the “going all out to impress” stage then it will not get any better - ever! You will never be able to live together unless you want to be treated like Cinderella before she went to the ball.

Read that message back to yourself and ask yourself if this is what you're worth. If the answer is yes there is nothing any of us can say to change your mind.

He is unwilling to do his share of household chores unless you give him half your house? But you are concerned about him dumping you? I would be grateful. It's not a mess. He has shown you who he is. Please you are worth more.

Take the advice of all these knowledgeable, experienced women. Dump him first. You need a partner not a man child. When you said his mum cleaned his flat for him that was the one and only thing I needed to hear to say LTB. It will never ever get any better. He will always expect you to do everything for him like his mum did.

Your best friend confides in you, she says what you say in your OP. How do you respond to her?

RUN.

And why is this lazy manipulative pathetic waste of space man child, who is trying to get put on your mortgage so he’s can take half your house when if you split, dumping you a bad thing?

It’s a only a mess because despite him waving a million red flags in your face, you’re refusing to see them through your rose tinted specs - wake the fuck up before you let this loser bleed you dry.

Read the unanimous opinion that he’s a wrongun and see what he’s showing you. He’s a useless wanker - what on earth is appealing about him?

The vacuum cleaner doesn't know whether he's on the Mortgage or not!

He should feel 'comfortable' doing domestic chores wherever he lives!! it has 0 to do with whether you own the place or not.

He's a manipulative twat, lazy and selfish

What are you thinking???

Send them back to mummy and daddy and enjoy having your place to yourself again!!

Just one quick thought before I read the rest.....
Tell him to tell his mother to put the money away for 2+ years. DO NOT be pressured into putting him on the mortgage too soon, as within a year is too soon! They are trying to push you with their sense of urgency, it's how scammers work!!

I think she's enjoying the attention from MNers.

He is throwing up so many red flags
misogynistic Comments
prioritising football over talking
sysing he needs to be in the deeds
saying he still won’t do chores

dump him