To regret moving DP in to my house

[JadeySmiles]

Hi all, the previous topic isn’t accepting new posts so I thought I’d update here.

We have had the conversation about split of
chores, DP said he can chip in ‘as and when needed’ but he didn’t have a suggested split as I hoped which was frustrating.

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

He was a bit funny with this and suggested I’m backtracking on an agreement. But we didn’t ever set a timeline. He says his Mum has
told him the funds she/his Dad are gifting are currently in a low paying interest account and if he doesn’t take them soon they’ll fix them for a year so he needs to hurry up if he wants them.

I said this doesn’t change my feelings and we need to see how things go. He seems to be sulking now and has been on his games console in the spare bedroom since dinner, which he criticised and said he’s getting fed up with the same vegan meals. I told him he’s welcome to cook for us tomorrow!!

He doesn't feel like doing chores because he's not in the mortgage!!!!

So it's your job to house him as well as clean up. And once on the mortgage he will magically change!

He'll be doing the washing up while admiring the pigs flying by your kitchen window OP.

No way!

If he is asking you to manage him now that's what you will do throughout your relationship - it will wear you down and he will say you nah him to do abc all the time. That is not a partnership which is what you want.

Get shut of him now. He will not change.

You can’t settle for this. If you ‘come up with what’s needed’ he will be mad at you for nagging (& for not giving you half your house). If you don’t tell him, he will leave it all to you. Probably a good thing you asked him to move in as otherwise you might have taken ages to see him for who he really is op. Give it 7 days, say you’re not a 6yo, I am uncomfortable having to tell you what to tidy or clean to pull your weight around the house, I tried talking about it and was really disappointed with your reaction, you’re not actually interested in being a partner and this isn’t working.

Do you really see a future with this guy? What is he bringing to the table? You are not compatible so move him out permanently and find someone who aligns with your values

he can go and live with Mummy, she enjoys doing his cleaning.

next time you date, do not let potential boyfriends know it's your house with a mortgage, just let them think it's rented. or even better - don't discuss it !

you need to read the thread where an Op put the boyfriend on the deeds because he ' felt left out ' now they are splitting up he is entitled to his share of her ( and her mother s ) house !!!

Why doesnt he prove he is worth putting on mortgage by doing something. Do you have parents you can ask what they think? Romance fraud is not only those doing it online but in person, they look for those who want to be loved, I would rather be single than give a self centred controlling man my money. Don't put him on mortgage

JadeySmiles · Yesterday 22:30
He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

This tells you who he is - he feels you should clean up his shit unless you put him on the mortgage! He expects you to pay him for chores like a kid - only being on the mortgage is not pocket money.

Which is EXACTLY how he behaved in his rental - mummy did his cleaning for him and he lived like a teenager not having to take care of himself.

Throw this one back - he will never be good husband/father material as he doesn't seem to want to be a grown up unless there is something in it for him. What would happen if you were pregnant on bed rest? Had a difficult birth? Or, had a life changing accident? (happened to me). Would you be able to trust him to sort the house, cleaning kids?

OP, please re read your original post. There are red flags flying all over the place. Pay yourself some respect and stand up for yourself. Good luck.

Have you met his parents, friends checked him out online. What job does he do? Where did he live previously. Please check him out

Tomorrow you should tell him you've had a think and that you think two years would probably be when you'd be looking to get him onto the mortgage, so he can let his parents know they can invest the funds for two years.

His reaction will tell you everything.

I say that, but his reactions throughout this whole thread have also told you everything already.

You need to wise up. Do not put yourself into financial trouble.

I would suggest you do this in public place err on the side of caution it sounds like he wants his own way I learnt hard way after sulking and mental abuse they can become violent.

Why don’t you want to dump
him?

is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life? There can be some adjustments learning to live with another person, but people don’t fundamentally change. They shouldn’t have to fundamentally change.

this man needs to go live alone and let his mother take care of him until she can’t manage anymore. Then he can spend the rest of his life in his messy flat eating takeaways.

DO NOT PUT HIM ON THE MORTGAGE!

What a fucking manipulative twat! Ick ick ick! 🫣

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

Riddiculous. When I was a lodger or renter in various houses I’d happily split the chores. There was no Question of this. Many people do so in flatshares, lodgings, family homes, partners houses etc. You don’t need to be on the mortgage to “get stuck in” 😂 why would he feel awkward?? You’re not asking him to redecorate the whole house, you’re just asking him to do his half of the housework!

If he had a grain of respect and consideration for you he would be trying to prove to you he is going to be respectful of your home and be an equal partner. The fact is he trying to call
the shots is wild and shows how little he thinks of you.

I must agree with pp you’re walking right into a terrible situation if you don’t bring this to a halt immediately.

Why are you worried about him dumping you when you should be making plans to break up with him or at the very least giving him notice to leave?

Please dig deep and find some self-respect OP , take some time to consider whats happened to lead you to a place where you’re tolerating this.

He’s being so obvious in his disrespect, disregard and dislike of you, that if you go along with this and get burnt you can’t really say you didn’t see it coming.

You’ve had plenty of good advice on both threads but not sure if it’s getting through - I sincerely hope it is.

Who on here would put this person on their mortgage?

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be.

Housework needs to be done whether you rent or own a house. It's a fact of life unless you don't mind living in a fetid, stinking, shitpit. He's now starting to sound like a moron as well as a cocklodger. You moved him on too early on in the relationship but on the plus side you've also found out early on that he is not suitable long term partner material. You can throw him out knowing he'll not be homeless as he has all those savings put away on his behalf (I think that's more BS but not your problem.)

Another thing this guy has never cleaned for himself so how do you know that he actually knows how to do it? Are you going to be ok with him using the same cloth to clean the toilet and the sink? He'll just tell you if you don't like how he cleans you can do it yourself. Seriously, he's not worth the hassle.

Use his toothbrush to clean the toilet

If there's a shit mark on the toilet he should have enough intelligence and common sense to grab the brush and rub it off.

As far as have him move out and try again later, Why? he still the same person. Maybe the odd leopard might change his spots but this one won't. And the pressure tactics of mom locking up his down payment for another yr is also a red flag. First, who cares, as a year isn't too soon, and second, interest rates are low so it isn't a big deal anyway.

This is so incredibly offensive, what’s wrong with you?

@ArtTheClownIsNotAMimebest response here. Crikey, you really need to wake up here and send him packing along with his shitey crusted boxers. Absolutely disgusting man, I would never have a man talk to me that way, never mind step over me in your own house as well.

Do we really believe mum has down payment I bet if put on mortgage there will be an excuse of why not got it. Ask him to give you down payment first seems like fairy tail where princess on back of horse and rather than happily ever after princess falls off back of horse and lands in the horse poo

But she's not. She's said no to putting him on the mortgage since things aren't going well.

"If I suggested going back on this I think he’d dump me"

and so what @JadeySmiles he is not exactly a catch is he, c'mon lassie!!!

Raise your goddamn bar.