Page 4 | To regret moving DP in to my house

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 17/04/2025 23:24

Is this a wind up thread. I can't beleive any woman would tollerate this.

uncomfortablydumb60 · 17/04/2025 23:24

I’m sorry to be blunt, I’ll just repeat what I said on your other thread
” You’re flogging a dead horse”
Being single is Pure bliss. You need to try it asap
You do realise he only wants you for your house?

pinkyredrose · 17/04/2025 23:25

Ah shite Op. It's a big red flag that he's trying to rush you on putting him on the mortgage. So fucking what if his parents money is in a low paying account, they should've put it somewhere else.

If he's insinuating that he'll be fully on board with chores if he's on the mortgage then that's manipulative. He could be showing you how great he is in the house now couldn't he but he can't be arsed. Laughing at you cleaning up his shit is a clear indication of how he sees your place in this relationship.

It's beyond bad that he wants you to tell him what needs doing, he's not a child. It just shows he isn't operating as an adult or treating you as an equal. No woman wants a man she needs to treat like an infant. 'Tell me what to do and I'll do it' is one of the most unsexy things a man can say. It defaults all thinking and planning to you and they do what they're told while expecting a good star.

This isn't an equal relationship. I'd chuck this one back and find a grown up.

He rented a flat before I'm sure he could find another one.

Codlingmoths · 17/04/2025 23:26

Wow. I didn’t think he’d take the ‘I can’t clean unless I’m on the mortgage’ line in the very first conversation about it. Imagine if you were renting together op- in his mind does no one clean? Or is it still the womens job? This is a really really bad sign. Stop stressing about the relationship ending and start thinking about how miserable you will be living with this long term and what a huge mistake giving him half your house anytime soon is. He was pretty quick to retaliate criticise your cooking too.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 17/04/2025 23:29

Oh bollocks !

he will feel more comfortable doing his share of the housework when he is on your mortgage

did you really type that out ?!!!

what were you thinking as you did ?

he could use this promised money on a mortgage on his own property and rent it out !

mummytrex · 17/04/2025 23:31

Also how can you just flag up what needs doing?

Is he blind?

You've tried this already - this is the man who when you asked him to clean the bathroom looked at you blankly and said "I'm a man" and then gave a crap explanation that he didn't know how to clean a bathroom.

DorothyStorm · 17/04/2025 23:34

His only good points are that he is there while op is feeling the time passing.

he isnt a good option for a future.

ShouldIEvenBother · 17/04/2025 23:35

I hope this is fake.

If it's real: OP you need to end this relationship as otherwise you will lose your home and your sanity.

He's a user. He's talking utter crap and if you fall for it, things are going to get an awful lot worse.

YankeeDad · 17/04/2025 23:37

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:50

I originally thought if living together this early didn’t work then he could move out and we’d continue with the relationship and try again in the future, but I don’t think that’s realistic now. If I suggested going back on this I think he’d dump me.

What a mess 😫

Dump him and get him to move out. Problem solved.

OrangeAndPistachio · 17/04/2025 23:44

You're right op , based on your posts he absolutely is brilliant. I think you should marry him , wash his pants and clean his skids off of the toilet bowl for the rest of your lives. Because if you do this it means that he's off of the market and no other partner will have to tolerate him. You'll be doing womankind a massive favour.

Lotsofsnacks · 17/04/2025 23:53

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:30

Hi all, the previous topic isn’t accepting new posts so I thought I’d update here.

We have had the conversation about split of
chores, DP said he can chip in ‘as and when needed’ but he didn’t have a suggested split as I hoped which was frustrating.

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

He was a bit funny with this and suggested I’m backtracking on an agreement. But we didn’t ever set a timeline. He says his Mum has
told him the funds she/his Dad are gifting are currently in a low paying interest account and if he doesn’t take them soon they’ll fix them for a year so he needs to hurry up if he wants them.

I said this doesn’t change my feelings and we need to see how things go. He seems to be sulking now and has been on his games console in the spare bedroom since dinner, which he criticised and said he’s getting fed up with the same vegan meals. I told him he’s welcome to cook for us tomorrow!!

Omg OP why are you even entertaining carrying on this ‘relationship’ as anyone can see hes desperate to be on your mortgage!! Do not do this!! Hes moaning and sulking already, it should be the honeymoon period!! I remember being so happy when I moved in with dp, as was he. We rented together first and didn’t buy together until we were totally sure of our future together.

why are you so desperate to stay with him? Get him out now and keep your money n mortgage for yourself. This man isnt the one, if you carry on I think you will be reading this thread back in regret, in a year or two, if you don’t get him out of your house

Elle771 · 17/04/2025 23:57

Oh god pls don't put him on the mortgage... in fact just throw him back

sandpiperspring · 17/04/2025 23:59

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:32

Forgot to add I asked him if he will come up with a split and he just said to let me know where he’s needed and that he doesn’t see the need for a rota given there’s just two of us 😩

No no no!

He's positioning you as the manager of all household tasks, and him as the junior, with no responsibility.

This isn't sharing. It sounds like he's expecting you to manage the mental load of running the house and him only to do tasks when asked, not taking any responsibility for any of it.

It reminds me a lot of the cartoon "You should Have Asked" which I think will chime with you, and s a peek into life with this guy (and many like him) if you ever had DC with him.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic

The gender wars of household chores: a feminist comic

French comic artist Emma introduces the concept of the mental load. When a man expects his partner to ask him to do things, he is viewing her as the manager of their household chores

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic

Gimpee · 18/04/2025 00:05

I agree with others don't put him on mortgage, did you work that hard to give it to someone else? Saying he will only feel comfortable when on mortgage is crap he wants that to control you run away and change locks

Justchillinhere · 18/04/2025 00:07

That's enough now, you've got to see what a massive user he is, pack up, ship out, drama over

Lotsofsnacks · 18/04/2025 00:09

Why can’t he buy his own place with the money from his mum and dad OP? Why does he need to be on your mortgage, can’t he get his own, if he so desperate to have one?

ttcat37 · 18/04/2025 00:12

Fuck me, this man must have a magic fucking penis to get away with mugging you off this bad.

How many times, in how many different ways, does he have to tell you that he ain’t lifting a finger?
You must know this. Do you usually struggle with self worth or is it just this scenario? He’s walking all over you in YOUR house. You’re tolerating so much bullshit from him that you’re coming across as desperate to stay with him no matter what?

outerspacepotato · 18/04/2025 00:15

He's lived there 2 whole months, there's already problems cropping up, and he's now desperate and pushing to be put on the mortgage which can give him a claim on your property.

What would you tell your daughter to do?

ReadingSoManyThreads · 18/04/2025 00:17

FUCK ME.

novalia89 · 18/04/2025 00:19

FOJN · 17/04/2025 22:41

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

You took his piss poor attempt at manipulation seriously? And you are frustrated he didn't offer any suggestions about how things are split. He hasn't made any suggestions because he has no intention of doing anything whether he's on the mortgage or not.

The manchild is sulking and gaming in the spare room rather than packing his bags because you haven't told him to fuck off.

I think you are going to lose your house to this bloke.

I know, chores need to be done regardless of who owns the house. By that logic, if you were renting it house-sitting for a friend, chores don't need to be done?

Gimpee · 18/04/2025 00:19

My thoughts too have his parents told you they will give him money? The sulking is a controlling mechanism. Put in on mortgage you will loose property once on mortgage he can borrow money against it, you could end up in debt with no home.

Catlady63 · 18/04/2025 00:19

OPs posts don't read like a teenager, but I don't understand how a grown woman would put up this shit and then worry that if she doesn't put him on the mortgage he might dump her.

Really hoping it's a wind up, otherwise the whole thing is just desperate.

Abusive relationships can be like a frog in water that's heated from cold to boiling water, a gradual increase in abusive behaviour, but this is like a frog in a microwave.

Lunde · 18/04/2025 00:22

Wow - he's a manipulative little weasel

Refuses to do "women's work" Won't discuss chores, avoids conversations by running off to the pub or going off in a sulk - and thus avoiding any chores

Wants you to pony up your property without committing to anything in return. He feels he's got his feet under the table and can force you into the little woman/mummy role.

His "I'm a man" so won't clean is not a joke - it is who he really is and what he expects in a relationship- He just expects you to submit because he's the man.

Do you really see a long term future here? - you will be fighting this battle in 10 years but by then he will own 50% of your home and you will still be doing 100% of the cleaning and 100% of childcare.

skilpadde · 18/04/2025 00:24

We have had the conversation about split of chores, DP said he can chip in ‘as and when needed’ but he didn’t have a suggested split as I hoped which was frustrating.

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be.

He says his Mum has told him the funds she/his Dad are gifting are currently in a low paying interest account and if he doesn’t take them soon they’ll fix them for a year so he needs to hurry up if he wants them.

Oh my, he’s not just a cocklodger, he’s applying sales techniques to his discussions / negotiations about his status / position.

Look up “create urgency and scarcity”, “highlight the benefits, not just features”, and “leverage FOMO”.

Then make plans to get him out of your house. No matter what he pleads, do not put him on your mortgage.

Pandimoanymum · 18/04/2025 00:25

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage

Eh? He can’t do any housework unless it’s in a house he owns?!
What an absolute load of bollocks.
So if you were renting together what would happen then, he’d just do nothing because he’s ’not on the mortgage”?
This is such a pathetic excuse and so easy to see through. As others have said, his priority is getting his name on YOUR mortgage and YOUR house and then sitting back doing nothing while you do all the work. He has no intention of doing his fair share or contributing in any way.
Please, please don’t put him on the mortgage.