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Original poster

To regret moving DP in to my house

591 replies

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:30

Hi all, the previous topic isn’t accepting new posts so I thought I’d update here.

We have had the conversation about split of
chores, DP said he can chip in ‘as and when needed’ but he didn’t have a suggested split as I hoped which was frustrating.

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

He was a bit funny with this and suggested I’m backtracking on an agreement. But we didn’t ever set a timeline. He says his Mum has
told him the funds she/his Dad are gifting are currently in a low paying interest account and if he doesn’t take them soon they’ll fix them for a year so he needs to hurry up if he wants them.

I said this doesn’t change my feelings and we need to see how things go. He seems to be sulking now and has been on his games console in the spare bedroom since dinner, which he criticised and said he’s getting fed up with the same vegan meals. I told him he’s welcome to cook for us tomorrow!!

OP posts:
Mrsmouse71 · 17/04/2025 23:10

You’ve had the cleaning conversation, it didn’t work. How many red flags do you want?
Dont be deluded by the he’s a great guy normally

cestlavielife · 17/04/2025 23:10

Nah. He proves himself by showing he knows what to do before you move him in
Best he buys his own place then

Doingtheboxerbeat · 17/04/2025 23:11

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 17/04/2025 23:08

I think she's enjoying the attention from MNers.

Show quote history

That's all I think about when I see these threads that are so outrageous plus it's the school holidays, so 🤔.

But I do try to remember that some people live very different lives to my own.

DorothyStorm · 17/04/2025 23:13

He could not be more clear, op. He is a wanker. Dump him.

Tallyrand · 17/04/2025 23:13

This post cannot be real.

Nobody is this gullible and stupid.

Even if they are, nobody is this desperate for a man.

meganorks · 17/04/2025 23:13

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:32

Forgot to add I asked him if he will come up with a split and he just said to let me know where he’s needed and that he doesn’t see the need for a rota given there’s just two of us 😩

'Nor did I, what with you being a grown ass adult. Yet here we are...'

Actually, his response show he is absolutely beyond help. He clearly has no intention of doing any of these things. And rather than seeing this as the time to 'shape up or ship out' he's thinking it's a great opportunity to manipulate you into putting him on the mortgage sooner. So not just lazy, thick as mince..... Unless it works.

For the love of God, kick him out now. This will only get worse.

Here4thechocs · 17/04/2025 23:13

Neveranynamesleft · 17/04/2025 22:32

Do not put him on the mortgage.

Yes. This.

DorothyStorm · 17/04/2025 23:13

Mrsmouse71 · 17/04/2025 23:10

You’ve had the cleaning conversation, it didn’t work. How many red flags do you want?
Dont be deluded by the he’s a great guy normally

He isnt a great guy normally either.

mumoflittlemice · 17/04/2025 23:13

Get. Him. Out.

If you don’t, all these words of sage advice will come back to haunt your bitter and downtrodden future self.

Seriously, summon some courage and eject this feckless twat. Then enjoy your life, freeing yourself up to meet someone actually worthy of you, should you so wish.
Good luck. Please do it.

beAsensible1 · 17/04/2025 23:14

do not put him on the mortgage, are you insane.

let him pay towards utilities and thats it. if he wont, let him move out and then rent yours out and rent somewhere together.

Millyjanice · 17/04/2025 23:14

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:50

I originally thought if living together this early didn’t work then he could move out and we’d continue with the relationship and try again in the future, but I don’t think that’s realistic now. If I suggested going back on this I think he’d dump me.

What a mess 😫

If he dumped you he’d be doing you a huge favour, believe me !

Why are you so desperate to hold on to him ??

As well trying his hardest to ensure you do all the chores ( remember what he said to friend’s husband ?… he still believes this!), he’s trying to pressure you into getting him on the mortgage.

Once he’s on the mortgage and he sees you as trapped he’ll turn nastier.

Tootiredtowhat · 17/04/2025 23:14

Sorry OP what an awful situation. I think you need to give him his marching orders in the morning. He can use the bank holiday to move in with his parents. Awful situation.

Tells you everything he can’t even pull together the money for a deposit by himself, but is using his parents for that. He’s an absolute leach. Leaching off them, leaching off you. Does he achieve anything independently?

sugarapplelane · 17/04/2025 23:15

OhcantthInkofaname · 17/04/2025 23:00

He is unwilling to do his share of household chores unless you give him half your house? But you are concerned about him dumping you? I would be grateful. It's not a mess. He has shown you who he is. Please you are worth more.

This.

You should be dumping his ass not worrying that he may dump you.

What hold does this guy have on you Op?

mummytrex · 17/04/2025 23:16

"he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house"

Baffled by this. He can't clean up after himself because he doesn't currently have a claim to your house? As for letting him know what needs to ge done, your previous thread confirmed you'd tried that and it had fallen on deaf ears. Not only that HE is now sulking and has you on the back foot in your own home (for asking him not to be a lazy sexist grubby), that YOU pay for save for his share of bills - whether he actually pays you any rent is unclear.

He has ZERO intention of pulling his weight. You'd be a fool to let him continue living with you, let alone putting him on your mortgage or considering kids with him in the future.

Also did he actually apologise to you for disrespecting you yesterday - buggering off the the pub to watch the football when you'd agreed to have a serious discussion? It came across to me as him showing you who is in charge (him) and that he'll deal/discuss things on his terms.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 17/04/2025 23:16

He's come up with a ton of excuses for not pulling his weight, he's never going to do any chores @JadeySmiles and as for being on the mortgage he can fuck right off.
I know it's hard to end things with someone you have feelings for but if you don't you'll regret it for the rest of your life.

mummytrex · 17/04/2025 23:18

he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house

Also explains why his mum went to clean his rental before he moved in 🙄

MzHz · 17/04/2025 23:18

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:50

I originally thought if living together this early didn’t work then he could move out and we’d continue with the relationship and try again in the future, but I don’t think that’s realistic now. If I suggested going back on this I think he’d dump me.

What a mess 😫

YOU need to dump HIM love.

ask him to move out, tell him you need your space and it’s not working.

You could have LOST your house over this.

Waterlilysunset · 17/04/2025 23:19

Don’t put him on the mortgage!!

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 17/04/2025 23:20

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:50

I originally thought if living together this early didn’t work then he could move out and we’d continue with the relationship and try again in the future, but I don’t think that’s realistic now. If I suggested going back on this I think he’d dump me.

What a mess 😫

It’s really not a mess at all! You’re in a great position. It’s your house, just ask him to move out. And never see him again. He sounds awful.

Do NOT under any circumstances put him on your mortgage.

Why would you willingly hand over your financial independence to someone who doesn’t even see when the bathroom needs cleaning?

ManchesterGirl2 · 17/04/2025 23:20

Argh I'm sorry OP. He's behaving like a tit.

I don't see how moving out and back in again later would solve it. You'd just end up with the same problem. You guys need to hash this out now. I hope he's able to grow up and see sense, but he may be just too embedded in a comforting sexist viewpoint.

Alwaysinamood · 17/04/2025 23:21

Sounds very much like he’s trying to emotionally manipulate you into putting him
on the mortgage. And also not doing his shares of the chores because he’s not a woman. So many red flags. Get rid!

PullTheBricksDown · 17/04/2025 23:22

What are his good points OP? It would help to know why you want to find a way to make this work. It's not looking great right now.

TheoriginalMrsDarcy · 17/04/2025 23:23

His comments have red flags all over it. He's not bothered about your feelings, he wants to be put on the mortgage ASAP. He has no funds to buy in himself and has to use bank of mum and dad. He sulks and goes back to gaming. Sorry but he just doesn't seem mature.

I certainly would never put a boyfriend on my house deeds. If he was mature enough, he'd have his own pad. If you split, it's so much harder to get him out. Are you desperate to put him on to share the bills? I would say it's far too early to put him on. See how the relationship pans out first. The house isn't going anywhere. If he's desperate to buy somewhere, let him buy somewhere else.

Getting someone in is easy, kicking them out is much harder.

LadyWiddiothethird · 17/04/2025 23:23

Get rid of this waste of space! What an utter fool you are OP,putting up with this,throw him out now,don’t wait.

Wellhellotheremydear · 17/04/2025 23:24

Why on earth would you put him on your mortgage? Do not do this! If you take any advice from this thread this is the most important!