For not taking 2-week old to his granddads birthday?

[untitled1]

First-time mom here needing some perspective.

My son will be exactly 2 weeks old this Friday. My husband’s father is celebrating his birthday and there will be about 20 people attending the party. I

I’ve expressed that I’m not comfortable bringing our newborn to a gathering with that many people.

I know his grandmother is going to be upset and think I’m being silly or overprotective. My husband is also keen on introducing our son to people - he even wants to bring him to his workplace to show him off which I’ve now put a stop to until he’s 4 weeks at least.

I understand everyone is excited to meet the baby, but I’m worried about exposing him to so many people when his immune system is still developing. At the same time, I don’t want to cause family tension or disappoint everyone.

Am I being unreasonable or overprotective here?

What would you do in this situation and when would you introduce newborns to larger groups of people?

I'd go early to share the baby/celebrate together then leave when you feel it's too much. It's all about you and what you're comfortable with as the mum.

Though I took dd to NY at 5 weeks with her three siblings. Think I was a bit mad back then. She's 21 now and no lasting damage.

Why aren't you usually invited to his parties? Is it for family or friends or a mixture?

I'd have thought it would be beneficial to the baby's immune system to be exposed to a variety of people and "bugs".

Having said that, why on earth would your husband wnat to show him off at work? I can't think of any work environment where that would be expected or acceptable

Do not go if the thought of it makes you uncomfortable. Also, dont go just to please other people!

i wouldn’t go…. Too small and too many people. Not worth the risk. People can look at a photo if they’re that interested!

I went to a huge birthday event when my second was less than 2 weeks, didn’t even think about it, we’re talking 50/60 people. There was probably more people in the restaurant you went to when you went to dinner than the people at this event you’re going to.

Please don’t leave the baby in the car seat though that is actually dangerous.

Only go if you’re comfortable. I had a similar situation when my baby was newborn and I didn’t go. I just knew he would be over handled and grouchy. People came to us it was fine.

If you don't feel like it, don't go. I absolutely would not.

Just because other people handed around their 1 day old babies to a coach load of people, doesn't mean that you have to. His immune system is not developed and what's the point of taking him if you're worried and will be carrying him in a sling. People get more worked up if the baby is there and they aren't allowed to touch. If you don't go, there may be some mumbles about how unreasonable you are, but you'll be comfy in your house with your tiny baby, safe and protected and you really shouldn't care.

I know for me personally it wasn’t just about the baby. I was nowhere near ready at that point to expose myself to that many people. My body was only just beginning to heal, none of my clothes fit, I wasn’t getting enough sleep to make travelling anywhere safe (to drive etc) and emotionally I was all over the place. I think if any of those apply to you, it’s also a valid reason not to go.

And absolutely not, the risk of cold sores, colds etc would out me right off. Also, baby may become very over whelmed and overstimulated and be difficult to settle.

Were just about to have our second 2 weeks before my brothers birthday and there’s no way I’m going down to his for that.

If you're not sure about wearing a sling your DH can baby-wear. It sounds like a good opportunity to introduce your baby to lots of the family and you have a great excuse if you don't want to stay long.

That would be a no from me. It's like suddenly you're good enough for an invite now there's a tiny baby to show off? If you weren't that close pre baby I don't see why that should change much.

2 weeks post c section as well. You'll be in the thick of it, adjusting to motherhood and recovering. I would stay home. Visitors can come to you this early. Hopefully your husband can understand with a very newborn and recovering from major surgery that's the best option. You matter too. Anyone who gives you a hard time over it isn't worth knowing.

My baby was at a soft play at 4 days old, the joys of having an older brother!

I’d go, enjoy the offer of a cup of tea and give your baby a big cuddle whilst everyone tells you how cute they are.

I’ll bring the paranoia for you although we had a good out come. Family were visiting from overseas when I had my second. Lots of gatherings, same 20 ish people. I was relaxed and he was mainly in the baby carrier.

We all got RSV and after a few days we went to ER when he was 5 weeks old. Thank goodness we did because I and my 2yo were so sick I didn’t know the baby was worse (we were at ER for me and for 2yo). Babies that young don’t look the same sick and it is easy to miss. He was in the hospital for a week with 2 nights that were touch and go. I’ll never hug someone’s newborn without a mask again.

I also don’t judge people who take their babies out - I did it and you can’t stop all exposure.

It's really lovely how many people felt so confident to go out to this kind of environment with such a teeny baby.
My little boy is now nearly 3 and those early days are such a blur! I had a c section too, and to be honest, aside from germs/passing baby around etc, I felt exhausted after "socialising" with people in my own home.
Not that it matters one jot how you're choosing to feed, but if breastfeeding, that is such another dynamic to consider. Even popping somewhere for few hours feels like such a mission in those early days!
I personally knew I was very unlikely to have any more, so I wanted to soak up those early days, and to me (again, it's all so personal) that looked like staying in doors, and just having immediate family round at times that suited me!

From your post, I get a sense you don't want to go, but would like some validation that's OK. It's absolutely OK if you don't want to go, 2 weeks old is still soooooooo tiny and it's all so new and overwhelming! I completely understand having 2nd/3rd etc may shift this perspective as you have to get out the house, but in terms of your 1st, you literally don't have to do anything you don't feel comfortable with!

I look back at things I did in those early days and think I was genuinely unhinged, but it made sense at the time! 🤣

Ultimately, if you've been a people pleaser previously/don't like upsetting people, children are a great leveller, as you will find situations that you simply have to I'm order to advocate for your child/what you think is right.

Of course your DH has a say, and an opinion snd it should of course be discussed if you have opposing views, but he also hasn't just have major abdominal surgery!

You get to do whatever you feel is right, even if others think you're wildly weird, doesn't matter!

Be kind to yourself, you are in such early days and whatever you decide will end up being right thing

Totally agree with this. I wouldn’t be overly worried about infection, but at 2 weeks I would have found it overwhelming to manage a party and a baby, especially with breastfeeding thrown into the mix. And while I’m generally keen to let DH have a say, I think those first few weeks after birth are different - I found that DH forgot that I was still recovering and exhausted and sore and bleeding; I had to keep reminding him that I’d been through something major!

Babies have immune systems designed to be strengthened by family interaction. That’s why breast milk contains antibodies. This idea that you’re protecting them from ‘germs’ is wrong. Bacteria and microbes are everywhere. Yes, of course don’t hand them to Great Aunt Anna with the shingles (who shouldn’t be there anyway), but normal cradling and interaction like a chuck under the chin will not harm the baby. In fact it helps every time their system is exposed to small amounts of new stuff.

And families, like most communities, grow stronger with engagement and inclusion. I know it’s hard when it’s your pfb, but it is so worthwhile to let other people bond with your child and to see you as a family unit.

I agree babies are resilient but on the flip side, my 2nd born caught a cold from my eldest (he was 15 months she was 1 week old) and needed hospitalisation for 3days and IVs/cannula and a lumbar puncture to check it wasn't anything serious. If I had a third (never gonna happen) I'd be on edge because of that situation lol so I can completely empathise with why this mother is anxious! You've got to do what you feel is right as a parent, trust yourself and your body.

Put him in a baby carrier then he can’t be passed around to many people.
i would consider going but not stay for very long.
But it’s your baby and your rules

Perhaps I'm against the grain but dh has a huge family so they had parties each time our dc were born and they played pass the baby at about 2 weeks old.

It was totally fine. They gave dc back when they got hungry and meant all the visits were over in one fell swoop.

I think you are absolutely correct. Although it's great that your husband seems so proud and excited to show the baby off to his relatives and workmates, his priorities in this case are self-centered and wrong.

The baby's safety and wellbeing come FIRST, regardless of what DH feels like doing and regardless of what his father or grandfather think of it. I wonder if you can get your baby's doctor office to back you up on this or show your husband another authoritative source on it.

If you really don’t feel up to it don’t go. But I would ask what do you think you would have done if it was a birthday gathering for someone on your side of the family?

I didn’t go in this situation when my baby was a newborn for the same reasons as you - I felt my baby was too newborn, we didn’t usually get included in things and there was going to be 25 people there and I knew one relative in particular would have wanted to play pass the parcel with the baby.
I didn’t regret not going.
It caused some grumblings, but my priority was my baby not managing their feelings.
You need to do what you feel is right for you and your baby. And I think it’s important for you to find your voice from day 1 with family, it stops people thinking they can interfere and tell you what you should be doing.

I wouldn't go. It's an adults party for adults. You will be exhausted and your body has changed so focusing on what you might wear might also be uncomfortable.
Babies are not parcels and you come as a package deal.
I would use the "they haven't attended their wellness check yet" . And go with 8 weeks and after, 3 - 5 people outside for an hour at the most. (With them hosting).

I would go. Enjoy yourself and enjoy showing off your baby.

It’s your prerogative.

I was the type to be out and about socialising straight away, but I popped my babies out with minimal effort and I EBF which I felt protected them. But if you don’t feel happy, don’t do it.

Please ignore anyone calling you precious. It really doesn’t matter what everyone else was happy with for their newborn - you get choose your own boundaries,

If you decide to take him then do ask people to respect your wishes on holding and touching. Make sure you can leave when you want to.

You said they don’t usually invite you to family events - are there strained relationships?