For not taking 2-week old to his granddads birthday?

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First-time mom here needing some perspective.

My son will be exactly 2 weeks old this Friday. My husband’s father is celebrating his birthday and there will be about 20 people attending the party. I

I’ve expressed that I’m not comfortable bringing our newborn to a gathering with that many people.

I know his grandmother is going to be upset and think I’m being silly or overprotective. My husband is also keen on introducing our son to people - he even wants to bring him to his workplace to show him off which I’ve now put a stop to until he’s 4 weeks at least.

I understand everyone is excited to meet the baby, but I’m worried about exposing him to so many people when his immune system is still developing. At the same time, I don’t want to cause family tension or disappoint everyone.

Am I being unreasonable or overprotective here?

What would you do in this situation and when would you introduce newborns to larger groups of people?

I would have gone, but then I wasn’t precious over these things (and my kids are super healthy, so obviously didn’t suffer for my laxity!).

It’s peak chickenpox season and rotavirus season though. Always peak something season. No good for a 2 week old with no immune system.

My kids both ended up in hospital on oxygen with RSV in May though, and my daughter was in hospital with a contagious form of pneumonia in June, so peak is just a meaningless word to me 😂

I agree. It’s actually abhorrent and sickening for this poster to state that anyone who takes their newborn to a party is a child abuser. Or any husbands who have a difference of opinion on the matter as domestic abusers.

At two weeks, they have their mother's immunity, especially if breast fed.

Can’t see anywhere in OPs posts saying she’s breastfeeding despite several people trotting out the myth that breastfed babies can’t get sick.

They absolutely can and do catch bugs despite being breastfed. If you have a bug your body produces antibodies that are passed to the baby. If Grandad has a bug then your breastmilk won’t have antibodies in it, as you both get exposed at the same time.

New mums are also more susceptible to bugs so not sure where the idea of this miraculous immunity is coming from. Pregnancy buggers your immune system.

Not everyone can breastfeed, whether they want to or not. Very young babies, whether breastfed or not, have no immune system and can get sick easily, and badly. Can’t fault any new mum who wishes to prevent that.

l had a newborn that got very poorly from
a cold and he only had met 3 people ! It’s difficult to avoid illness but I don’t think I would be taking a baby to whole crowd of people .
it’s a good option to use a sling if you do want to go though but don’t let People pressure you into cuddles .

I was in a similar situation when my baby was three weeks old. We were invited to DH family Christmas party and I decided against going. I just wasn’t comfortable with it. It did cause tension, and I’ve never been “forgiven” for not going - but this is a problem with DH family. I did what was right at the time for my baby and I stand by it.

She literally says in her first sentence, first time mom here

I took DS to his Pops 60th bday when he was a week old and it meant the absolute world to him. I think people are far too precious about germs in general nowadays - if someone is actually ill, then best to keep away but if they’re all fine a quick cuddle isn’t going to do any harm.

Being entirely breastfed didn’t stop my three week old from being hospitalised with viral meningitis when he caught a virus adults experience as a mild (sometimes even asymptomatic) flu-like illness.

I just don’t think I’d have been up for this at 2 weeks postpartum. I spent as much time at home in my little newborn bubble as possible before venturing into the world again. My dc had a couple of walks in the first few weeks but mostly with the sleep deprivation, birth recovery and massive change to routine I just wanted to be at home or somewhere quiet. A big social gathering would not have been on my list of things to do so early on.
And of course when they are so tiny your worries about immunity are totally valid too.
Could you not just make up an excuse? You and baby are under the weather? Baby hasn’t slept? You haven’t slept? But send your apologies and say you’ll meet up in the near future?

Everyone’s situation is different and there really is no right or wrong answer. What should happen is what makes the most sense for the mom and the baby. This doesn’t mean the dad’s wants don’t matter. It just means his focus needs to be on what is best for the healing mom and baby.

Some women are ready to go out and socialize soon after birth. Some extended families are supportive. They put the needs of baby and mom ahead of their own wants and wouldn’t dream of crossing boundaries in any way. In these situations, It would be wonderful for mom, dad and baby to attend the family party where everyone can meet the baby.

On the other hand, some women have a much harder time recovering from childbirth. This can be both physically and emotionally. Some people have selfish extended families who put their desires over what is best for baby and mom.

Most of my stepparent’s family still hasn’t forgiven me for not allowing one of the older relatives, who was visiting from out of town and had an active case of shingles, to hold my premie newborn. I was guilted into attending an event with my baby for my stepparent in the first couple of weeks postpartum. They purposely hid this person’s condition from me. I only found out because I overheard someone else talking about it at the event. We left as soon as we heard and didn’t attend anything else where this person was present.

Assuming he’s your first and totally get you might be nervous but there is no reason not to go. Unless you every person there is planning to lick him and cough directly into his mouth. Pop in him a sling if you’re worried about him being passed around and he’ll probably just sleep on you.

We didn’t take ours to large gatherings or the shops etc when that small. We had both intubated enough babies with viruses caught from adults who felt quite well to feel uncomfortable until they were a little older.

I see that people with different experiences consider this precious. Personally I think everyone has to decide what they’re comfortable with; previous experience will influence this. Whether you are from a family that washes hands thoroughly and is careful not to expose others if they’re unwell is also a factor.

I think anyone silly enough to write hyperbole about people not licking the baby or
coughing directly into their mouth can safely be ignored, however.