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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not taking 2-week old to his granddads birthday?

264 replies

untitled1 · 17/04/2025 19:14

First-time mom here needing some perspective.

My son will be exactly 2 weeks old this Friday. My husband’s father is celebrating his birthday and there will be about 20 people attending the party. I

I’ve expressed that I’m not comfortable bringing our newborn to a gathering with that many people.

I know his grandmother is going to be upset and think I’m being silly or overprotective. My husband is also keen on introducing our son to people - he even wants to bring him to his workplace to show him off which I’ve now put a stop to until he’s 4 weeks at least.

I understand everyone is excited to meet the baby, but I’m worried about exposing him to so many people when his immune system is still developing. At the same time, I don’t want to cause family tension or disappoint everyone.

Am I being unreasonable or overprotective here?

What would you do in this situation and when would you introduce newborns to larger groups of people?

OP posts:
sunshineandshowers40 · 17/04/2025 19:36

I would go but understand why you are not keen. Your in-laws will be so excited to show off their new grandchild.

goldenretrieverenergy · 17/04/2025 19:37

How are you feeling, OP? I can’t imagine going to a party with 20 people 2 weeks postpartum, but it depends on how you are feeling and what feels comfortable.
If you don’t feel up for it, it’s completely OK to skip it.

Gundogday · 17/04/2025 19:37

If you’ve had a c-section, are you medically fit and able to go (not sure how long it takes to recover from a c-section).

AprilBunny · 17/04/2025 19:37

I would go.

iwentjasonwaterfalls · 17/04/2025 19:37

Two weeks post C-section? Are you feeling up to it, OP? Your recovery from surgery is more important than people wanting to meet the baby; they don't hand out medals for who met them at their youngest!

Be kind to yourself too ❤️

drspouse · 17/04/2025 19:39

You could take him but in a sling, for a short time. Stops people manhandling him I found.

LethargicButAwesome · 17/04/2025 19:39

At the end of the day, it’s your baby your choice. We had 25 of our family members over on day 7 for his naming ceremony and we had people on and out the house all the time - we just avoided mixing with anyone that we knew had a cough or cold. I like the PP suggestion of keeping him in a sling that way he attends but you won’t get randomers trying to pick him up

WeekendFreedom · 17/04/2025 19:40

untitled1 · 17/04/2025 19:27

Maybe I should wear my sling but I haven’t worn it yet as I had a c section and think it’s perhaps not a good idea?

I’d probably just have him in the car seat tbh

I don’t trust DH to take him without me though he would pass him to everyone.

If the baby is your DHs then he also gets to decide who can meet the baby

BrucesTooth · 17/04/2025 19:42

You have to feel up to it yourself, but otherwise I'd see it as a opportunity to get a lot of first visits out of the way in one go. By all means don't agree everyone holding baby etc (sling/car seat/pram and not in your arms is a good idea) but a short visit to show off baby in one fell swoop seems ideal.

CMM4 · 17/04/2025 19:42

I wouldn’t go. You’ll probably be forced into the handing the baby round when you don’t want to and will feel terrible afterwards. I know ppl say ‘just don’t hand the baby over’ but it’s hard when you’re newly post partum and you have all the family making you feel bad about it. If you’re not comfortable go with your instincts and don’t go. And in terms of why you’re not going I’d just say ‘I’m still recovering from my c-section and the baby can’t be away from me as he’s too young’.

EveryDayisFriday · 17/04/2025 19:44

I also had an Xmas baby so she was passed around loads of friends and family at a week old. I think you are being a bit overprotective but that is also normal, you have a precious little bundle you want to keep safe. So many people love newborn snuggles too.

Iizzyb · 17/04/2025 19:44

I didn't when DS was tiny but there was whooping cough around (I was one of the first to be vaccinated whilst pregnant) & there were a lot of kids going to be there at a party when he was a week old but after that I took him everywhere & had loads of visitors

I think (in a lovely way) that you have to get used to bring the bringer of the dc for a very long time. DS is 12 but even now my dm and my best friend's parents can't help looking past me when I walk in & saying either are you on your own or where is he - families just love babies x

You can always go home after an hour if you've had enough x

thepariscrimefiles · 17/04/2025 19:44

untitled1 · 17/04/2025 19:27

Maybe I should wear my sling but I haven’t worn it yet as I had a c section and think it’s perhaps not a good idea?

I’d probably just have him in the car seat tbh

I don’t trust DH to take him without me though he would pass him to everyone.

Honestly, if you've had a c-section and you don't feel up to socialising, you aren't being unreasonable to stay at home with your baby. Two weeks is very new and if your DH's family wouldn't normally invite you, they are probably only doing so to see the baby and pass it round.

Do what makes you feel comfortable. Don't feel pressured into going.

TeaAndMuffins · 17/04/2025 19:45

At 2 weeks PP I couldn't wee or sit down without crying from the pain of the stitches. My breasts were so sore I couldn't wear a bra. And I was so sleep deprived I could barely string a sentence together let alone smile and be sociable. So no I absolutely would not attend a big gathering at 2 weeks.

Endofyear · 17/04/2025 19:46

I wouldn't go if you don't feel up to it - you've had a c-section, you're still recovering and possibly establishing breastfeeding and not getting much sleep! I think that's a good enough excuse and if they get the hump about it, let them. It's not your problem! They will all get the chance to meet your baby when you decide the time is right for them to visit you. Until then, rest and recover and enjoy these first few weeks with your new baby 💐

SALaw · 17/04/2025 19:47

I was at first time mum and breastfeeding groups within days, into work within the first 2 weeks (as I wanted my husband to help so had to be whilst he was on paternity leave) and lots of visitors. Isn’t that…normal?! People bring very new babies into my large office all the time.

biscuitcat · 17/04/2025 19:49

I think it’s two separate issues - I never worried in particular about big gatherings and like others, enjoy showing baby off, so my risk tolerance there may be different to yours. But there’s no way I’d have been up to a party two weeks post section, especially for a first baby - I was still setting alarms to make sure I didn’t miss painkillers at that stage!

Tallulahbelle1038 · 17/04/2025 19:50

I wouldn’t personally, but you could go for an hour maybe just to say hello etc
At the end of the day it’s your choice to do what you feel comfortable with - pretty much for most things when they’re small!!! 2 weeks post csection isn’t to be underestimated so be kind to yourself!
oh and congrats!!!!! Xx

DappledThings · 17/04/2025 19:51

Mine were passed around grandparents and visitors quite happily from a couple of days old. And to cafes and museums and on public transport. Never occurred to me not to ir that it would be a reason not to go to this party.

SouthLondonMum22 · 17/04/2025 19:52

I'd go, it's not exactly in the middle of December with bugs everywhere. Just don't pass him around too much and it will be fine.

ParsnipPuree · 17/04/2025 19:52

untitled1 · 17/04/2025 19:25

Ok, maybe I should go then, it’s also because usually we don’t get invited for such events and I just feel like my child is being on show. I’m probably overthinking it

I think you’re overthinking it.. what’s wrong with your child being on show? My dd was the first grandchild on both sides so MIL made a huge party to show her off at.. it was lovely to get so many compliments about her.

Original poster
untitled1 · 17/04/2025 19:53

The c section recovery is actually fine. I’ve been out to a meal already and have been active with not that much pain so I’m not worried myself it’s the baby

OP posts:
AxolotlEars · 17/04/2025 19:53

I'd be there like a shot and then leave as soon as I wanted to

kiwiane · 17/04/2025 19:54

You’ve had a c-section so give yourself a break - there’s no need to take a tiny baby to a party to be passed around.

TheNightingalesStarling · 17/04/2025 19:55

Only go if you feel fit enough. Second, third etc babies are out on the school run, toddler groups etc withing days and are fine.

However the mothers recovery from birth or csection is very individual and can vary from day to day. Its important for recovery to only do what you feel ready for.