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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not taking 2-week old to his granddads birthday?

264 replies

untitled1 · 17/04/2025 19:14

First-time mom here needing some perspective.

My son will be exactly 2 weeks old this Friday. My husband’s father is celebrating his birthday and there will be about 20 people attending the party. I

I’ve expressed that I’m not comfortable bringing our newborn to a gathering with that many people.

I know his grandmother is going to be upset and think I’m being silly or overprotective. My husband is also keen on introducing our son to people - he even wants to bring him to his workplace to show him off which I’ve now put a stop to until he’s 4 weeks at least.

I understand everyone is excited to meet the baby, but I’m worried about exposing him to so many people when his immune system is still developing. At the same time, I don’t want to cause family tension or disappoint everyone.

Am I being unreasonable or overprotective here?

What would you do in this situation and when would you introduce newborns to larger groups of people?

OP posts:
MoreChocPls · 17/04/2025 20:13

The baby will be fine. Have fun showing off your baby.

Babyboomtastic · 17/04/2025 20:14

I threw a party for about 30 people when my first was 3 weeks old because I wanted to show her off and I had a crappy pregnancy and wanted to celebrate. So personally I'd go for it without hesitation.

I wouldn't personally worry about germs, many babies have toddler siblings, and they are basically walking petri dishes of germs, who see them day in, day out 😁.

Provided you feel well enough there's no reason you can't use a sling 2 weeks post section, though it does depend on your recovery. My first I wore at about 2 weeks because I didn't have a sling until then, my second was on day 3 what making breakfast for the toddler. I found in the first few weeks that a stretchy sat higher on me than a structured carrier, and because it's was an x across my torso, there wasn't a waistband as such, so went no where near my scar.

If you find it uncomfortable though, your husband can wear baby instead. Don't use a car seat though - it's not good for them to be in there when not needed, and a lot worse than them having cuddles from excited families members.

Eggsboxedandmelting · 17/04/2025 20:15

BTW you can't leave your reborn in a carseat for long. Safer passed around. You do know if you have another dc your pfb will be germ ridden and kissing their sibling don't you?

Testingmypatience1 · 17/04/2025 20:15

You have just had a c section! Of course you shouldn’t be going. You need to recover and relax with your new born. Especially as you seem to be the hired entertainment.

If you are often overlooked then your dh is probably thrilled to finally be noticed, but that doesn’t mean you should go.

AlisounOfBath · 17/04/2025 20:16

I’d have been the same because I had such bad postnatal anxiety I couldn’t leave the house, not because there’s actually any real risk of harm to the baby. There are communities in Britain where babies are taken to large gatherings from 1 week old and absolutely nothing happens.

Keep the baby in the sling (wear a bit of padding if the scar is sore or let her dad wear her) but otherwise crack on. It’s not as if mothers with lots of other older kids stay home for the first month. You can always ask people to wash their hands first and go home if it all feels a bit too much.

Edit to add: if you’re breastfeeding, then you are your baby’s immune system. Your body will produce antibodies in response to any germs in your baby, which your baby will then ingest via the milk. Basically a tiny bit of baby saliva goes into your body via the milk ducts, your body makes antibodies and then your baby swallows them. Amazing, eh?

Beeloux · 17/04/2025 20:18

I don’t think Yabu. I welcomed visitors when ds1 was born. He caught bronchiolitis after one turned up coughing and spluttering and was admitted to hospital at 3 weeks which was awful.

With ds2, I was much more strict. We would go out everyday but if anyone had a cold, they weren’t holding him. I also had a big tub of hand sanitiser at the ready. At a party or large gathering, likelihood is one of them may be ill or have a bad cold.

I would just pretend to have a sickness bug on the day if you want to avoid any conflict.

overweightteacher · 17/04/2025 20:19

Two weeks from C-section - I would say no on that alone!

Eggsboxedandmelting · 17/04/2025 20:19

One of my dc caught whopping cough in the postnatal ward
..

Tryingtohelp12 · 17/04/2025 20:20

I took my baby at 5 days to my friends engagement party. I was most nervous that lots of random people would ask to hold the baby and pass him around like a parcel but people were very respectful and only took him when offered.

but just do whatever u feel comfy with xx

doodahdayy · 17/04/2025 20:22

I would definitely go if I felt ok. I assume he’s your first?

AlisounOfBath · 17/04/2025 20:23

Gundogday · 17/04/2025 19:37

If you’ve had a c-section, are you medically fit and able to go (not sure how long it takes to recover from a c-section).

Just for info, the sooner you move around after a c-section, the better for your recovery. I had to walk half a mile to a midwife appointment after a week. It was bloody hard but after 2 weeks I was a lot better. I could certainly have managed an hour of sitting down in someone’s house, especially if I’d been driven there.

Ultravox · 17/04/2025 20:23

The baby would be fine but at 2 weeks post partum you should be thinking of your own health. Are you fit for it and do you want to go? Personally after 2 out of the 3 births I had, there is no way I was going anywhere after 2 weeks. If anyone wanted to see the baby they could visit me.

waterrat · 17/04/2025 20:23

god some horribly insensitive comments !!

op you do exactly what you feel like!! stay in bed !!

waterrat · 17/04/2025 20:24

for those saying some communities do this - in the majority of traditional cultures women are in bed for at least the first two weeks being fed and cared for!!

only in the Uk where I see absolutely exhausted mums of newborns out with toddlers in the park looking broken ...

NetZeroZealot · 17/04/2025 20:25

When my DS was 10 days old from a C-section my DH organised a drinks party for about 30 friends, for my birthday. I was a bit anxious. It was all fine.

Lunchwoes · 17/04/2025 20:28

Am I the only person who wasn't hiding away with my newborn? I couldn't wait to show them off and let family have cuddles. This attitude is so far removed from my real life experiences. I only really see it on MN.

springhassprun · 17/04/2025 20:28

I loved introducing my babies to family - I think it’s such a special thing and a privilege to have so many people excited to meet them and be part of their life. Life is so short - I’d go for an hour, don’t overthink it - if you’re breastfeeding your baby’s immune system will be just fine.

Ivymom · 17/04/2025 20:29

Are the party attendees the type to let you have your space, greet you, quickly meet baby and let you decide your comfort level with interactions with baby? Or are they the type to play pass the parcel, get in baby’s face and keep baby from you for the night?

If the first, I would happily attend and show off baby. I would probably be comfortable with people holding baby. If the second, I would stay home and offer a window to FaceTime DH, so people can “meet the baby”. Have DH explain that baby’s immune and nervous systems are too immature for close exposure to a lot of people and the overstimulation of being passed around.

Fruitpop · 17/04/2025 20:29

OP this isn’t an AIBU question. No one can tell you whether you are ready to go out, see people hold your baby etc. Ignore anyone on here who seeks to dictate how you ought to feel. If you aren’t ready, you aren’t ready and there will be other occasions. It’s not the one and only time your family will have to meet the baby!

And no, some people aren’t sensible about colds and holding babies unfortunately.

SouthLondonMum22 · 17/04/2025 20:30

waterrat · 17/04/2025 20:24

for those saying some communities do this - in the majority of traditional cultures women are in bed for at least the first two weeks being fed and cared for!!

only in the Uk where I see absolutely exhausted mums of newborns out with toddlers in the park looking broken ...

I'd hate to be stuck in bed for 2 weeks.

FiveBarGate · 17/04/2025 20:31

Is this a since COVID thing?

I had mine pre COVID and it was totally normal for everyone to come and visit you. I also had mine at bf groups, supermarkets etc.

Second was in Tesco at one day old as I had to take her back for her checks because we were released a couple of hours after she was born.

I didn't realise how much things have changed judging by responses. I don't know anyone who didn't have all the family round at the very least.

Londonrach1 · 17/04/2025 20:31

What amazing opportunity to show off your baby to the family if your granddad is ok with that. However your choice ..if you feel unhappy about it you get to call the shots here. I actively encouraged dd to be part of her extended family so started building her relationship from days old so might be coming from a different point. There's no right or wrong here, you the mum your choice.

Chick981 · 17/04/2025 20:32

It wouldn’t even occur to me to not go - unless I was feeling crap still myself.

Richtea67 · 17/04/2025 20:33

I was pressured into taking DD1 to a family party (2 hour drive away) when she was 3 weeks old. I was struggling with PND, exhausted with a newborn that didn't sleep and struggling with breastfeeding. It was horrendous and killed our breastfeeding journey. Please don't cave to pressure and do what feels right for you and baby xxx

TryingToStayAwake88 · 17/04/2025 20:33

untitled1 · 17/04/2025 19:27

Maybe I should wear my sling but I haven’t worn it yet as I had a c section and think it’s perhaps not a good idea?

I’d probably just have him in the car seat tbh

I don’t trust DH to take him without me though he would pass him to everyone.

As long as you feel comfortable, you can wear baby in a stretchy wrap straight away and it makes family events easier because no one can pick up the baby, kiss them etc. And the baby is likely to sleep better with the warmth of your body and sound of your heart beating.