For not taking 2-week old to his granddads birthday?

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First-time mom here needing some perspective.

My son will be exactly 2 weeks old this Friday. My husband’s father is celebrating his birthday and there will be about 20 people attending the party. I

I’ve expressed that I’m not comfortable bringing our newborn to a gathering with that many people.

I know his grandmother is going to be upset and think I’m being silly or overprotective. My husband is also keen on introducing our son to people - he even wants to bring him to his workplace to show him off which I’ve now put a stop to until he’s 4 weeks at least.

I understand everyone is excited to meet the baby, but I’m worried about exposing him to so many people when his immune system is still developing. At the same time, I don’t want to cause family tension or disappoint everyone.

Am I being unreasonable or overprotective here?

What would you do in this situation and when would you introduce newborns to larger groups of people?

Personally, I’d not want to go either OP. Yes there’s the germs aspect to consider which is perfectly reasonable. Babies are much more vulnerable and you shouldn’t have to take risks you aren’t comfortable with just to look after other people’s feelings.

Also, to be honest, you shouldn’t have to go. You’re 2 weeks PP. you’re probably emotional, exhausted, still bleeding and your boobs are probably leaking everywhere. Do you even feel ready to socialise? Fair play to those who say they would have gone to a party / wedding whatever 2 weeks PP but I’d have put my foot down and said no. If you don’t want to leave the house other than for gentle walks at this stage that’s OK and completely normal.

I agree with Ewg9. I also wouldn't have wanted to go out so soon after giving birth, never mind following a c-section. It's far too soon. Bad enough when people 'drop in' to see you and stay more than half an hour.

I would say don’t go if you don’t feel comfortable. I had my second baby 2 months ago and was not fully aware of the risks of them getting ill. I had this nagging worry about it that strangely hadn’t had with my first, that he could catch some nasty, rare virus, but told myself it was unlikely and we carried in with normal life. At 3 weeks old he came down with a slight fever and was being irritable and not his usual self. Long story short, he ended up in hospital with a canula for antibiotics and having a spinal tap in case he had bacterial meningitis. Happily he did not, but he did turn out to have a viral meningitis- he had contracted a virus which I was told only has very mild symptoms in adults - so mild people may not realise they have anything at all, and it had got into the fluid round the brain as the blood-brain barrier has not formed at that age. I was told it’s unlikely he will have any long-term issues, but the whole experience was horrible and I just had not been aware that such a mild and common illness could have such consequences.

Im not sharing this to scare you, just to say that if you feel uneasy about attending large gatherings in the early weeks, trust your gut. I don’t think most people are aware of the actual risks involved if a very young baby catches even a mild virus.

Babies need to be exposed to germs, this actully builds up their immune system. You dont want to be in a situation a few months down the line when your baby is exposed to flu and cold germs, but its body cant fend it off because they havent been exposed to germs before. Im a believer that you can be to clean and exposure to germs can be a good thing

I guess the event was yesterday, right? But in case you get more such invitations : I would've gone only for the aperitif, or for the dessert, so a shorter period of time. I would've held my baby myself or he would've been in his carrier. And I would've asked other people to not touch, only look - also explain why.

My recovery from my first C-section took about 4 weeks, that was being confident enough to be walking about without as much pain and doing basic tasks apart from looking after my son. I wouldn’t be rushing to be getting out and about because you will be uncomfortable. Getting in and out of a car was a huge issue for me for a while and I burst my stitches. This is about you more so than your baby. You’ve had a major operation. Some folk need reminding of that. You can’t just crack on with things and if you don’t feel comfortable for whatever reason say no.

Yes, but the OP feels fine.

Recovery really varies, but the OP shouldn't feel the need to stay at home just because some people need to. That's as bonkers as suggesting everyone should be back to normal within a week just because some are (I was one of those lucky ones).

The OP says she feels fine.

I would go for a short time but I wouldn't be playing pass the parcel with the baby - he would stay in my arms. Be prepared to get grief for not letting everyone have a hold. I got called every name under the sun for not passing my son round my mum's friends (by my mum) and my son is now 36!

I had this exact scenario with my FB. FIL had a big birthday when DD was 8 days old. Big farming family. I went (slightly against my better judgment). MIL and the aunts overruled us on the passing baby around thing. I could not complain without looking selfish and mad. Nobody hand-washed. Baby was upset. I was banished by MIL to bedroom to BF as she deemed it unsuitable to BF in front of men. Stuck in bedroom alone with unsettled baby for the rest of the party. Nobody brought food or drink. Husband completely oblivious as catching up with relatives and helping MIL. Felt terrible for us both and made to feel like a complete snowflake. Nobody meant it badly. No harm done and she’s now 30 but it was a grim introduction to family. Do what you feel comfortable with. You can introduce baby at a time that suits you if you don’t go to party. if your a first time mum it’s easy to feel undermined by older female relatives on their territory.

Some of these posts, honestly. Take your child out, it's a family gathering, no harm will come to the baby.

As for your husband wanting to take the baby to work, he's obviously very proud of having a child and is equally responsible for the child along with you. Who nominated you to be the decision maker, have you always vetoed your husband's decisions?

I don’t think you’re being overprotective at all, no matter if this is your first baby or your third. Baby aside, YOU need to be resting, especially as I see you’ve had a c-section!

I absolutely hate the way we treat new mothers and babies. Expecting them to bounce back right away! I see people saying they did the school run less than 24 hours after giving birth, like it’s some flex. Or PFB, just you wait until you have another one and the world doesn’t stop. If my partner gave birth and she was doing housework a few days after giving birth, I’d be mortified. I’d have failed as a partner. Or as in your case, trying to pressurise them into attending social events 2 weeks after giving birth before they feel ready to.

People should be fucking ashamed.

Agree with this. Obviously all decisions are made by the OP. Poor DH.

and OP - just remember this if you’re made a grandparent in the future and your new grandchild isn’t allowed to your birthday party

Well people like YOU make my blood boil.

Dont tell me to fuck off.

The baby still can be attached to their mum. But they can have a life too! Fancy some people having a life after a newborn hey?! Whatever next.

And are you seriously saying it’s child cruelty to take a newborn to a party??

Of course a newborn can go to a party. They can be kept in a sling, in a pram etc and it can be good for a mothers mental health to get out and about again, not locked away for a few weeks.

The point is the OP doesn’t feel comfortable going.
It’s the way people are telling a woman going through the most vulnerable time in her life to essentially get over herself. It’s an absolute disgrace. These early post birth days should be solely mother and baby led.
And to say it will be good for her mental health is pure manipulation. Who are YOU to say what’s best for anyone else.

She had major surgery 2 weeks ago, and instead of focusing on getting herself better and getting used to looking after a new baby, the people who are supposed to be caring for her are putting pressure on her to ‘be nice’. Women are at the bottom of the pile every single time.

Baby aside, if you had had major surgery 2 weeks ago, do you think making yourself uncomfortable in order to do nice things for other people should be a priority?

OP said herself that she is recovering well and has found it helps her to be out and about, she was just concerned more about the baby getting ill or something. She's also decided to go.

I said it CAN be good for someone's mental health, not that it absolutely would be but in OP's case, it does seem to be true.

I had a c-section myself, with twins. I carried on like normal because I also had another child to take care of.

What I’m hearing is “I was alright, so everyone else should be too”

But OP is too. She said she was feeling fine. Just worried (unnecessarily so in a lot of posters' opinions including mine) about the baby and germs. Nothing that sounds like she's being forced to go somewhere when she doesn't feel up to it.

This thread has taken an absolutely bonkers turn.

Child abuse for taking a baby to a party?

Domestic abuse for a proud dad wanting to show his new baby off to his team?

People shouldn’t have kids if they dare take them
anywhere social in the first few weeks of their life?

Insane.

Only if you're ignoring the part where OP actually says she is fine and has been out and about.

Or the fact that you actually asked me a question about having surgery which I simply just answered.

It’s not abusive for a dad wanting to show off his new baby, but it is abusive if the mum isn’t fully on board with it.

I do think it’s abusive to take a 2 week old baby to a party.

And people who make a new mother feel like she’s being precious for not wanting to do anything she’s not comfortable with, especially 2 weeks after birth are absolutely abhorrent.

In general I do think the way we treat new mums and babies is absolutely disgusting.

I’m currently witnessing it in my circle, and there’s not much I can do about it without making things worse, so it’s all feeling a bit raw for me at the moment.

Abusive is so overused it’s become trivialised now. This is a prime example.