For not taking 2-week old to his granddads birthday?

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First-time mom here needing some perspective.

My son will be exactly 2 weeks old this Friday. My husband’s father is celebrating his birthday and there will be about 20 people attending the party. I

I’ve expressed that I’m not comfortable bringing our newborn to a gathering with that many people.

I know his grandmother is going to be upset and think I’m being silly or overprotective. My husband is also keen on introducing our son to people - he even wants to bring him to his workplace to show him off which I’ve now put a stop to until he’s 4 weeks at least.

I understand everyone is excited to meet the baby, but I’m worried about exposing him to so many people when his immune system is still developing. At the same time, I don’t want to cause family tension or disappoint everyone.

Am I being unreasonable or overprotective here?

What would you do in this situation and when would you introduce newborns to larger groups of people?

Definitely think the most important thing is how you feel after c section especially on the day. Is it close enough to pop in but not stay long? I enjoyed introducing our first baby to family, and attended a couple of big family occasions within the first month. I also arranged for family to gather at my nans so we could introduce them all at the same time rather than hosting lots of visits. I remember having a bedroom where I retreated to when I needed a rest / baby needed feeding. But it still all comes down to how you personally feel.

We took our baby to my mums 60th when she was about 10 days old. Was such a great opportunity to meet the extended family so we didn’t need anyone to come to our house 😂 our second is 6m old and still hasn’t met everyone. People are less ott second time around and your schedule is busier so I would make the most of showing baby off if I were you. That being said, it’s very individual so depends how you feel!

I think the fact you’ve said you don’t trust your husband to take the baby by himself is something that needs some consideration. Communication is key bringing children up with someone and if you don’t trust him to respect your wishes already, it could do with addressing. Equally he is also the baby’s parent and does he have a say? Obviously don’t know all of the info so it may not be as it seems, but parenting is so much easier in unity!

Also... your partner can wear the sling if you do want to go.

I just wouldn’t have been ready to be out and about and socialising at that stage with my firstborn, never mind the baby.

You’ve just been pregnant for nine months and given birth. Your wishes take priority at this stage.

Classic example of the “let them” principle.

I know his grandmother is going to be upset and think I’m being silly or overprotective

Ok, so let her. Let her be upset and let her think that. I know it’s a really vulnerable time but you need to focus less on what other people are feeling and concentrate on yourself and your baby.

I think it would be fine to go. Are you BF? If so, the baby gets lots of immunity from you.

Do what the hell you want OP.
youve just had a baby.
do what you think is best for you and baby.
stuff everyone else including people on here!
if you dont want to expose them to lots of people and think you’ll feel pressure to let them be held and slobbered over by a bunch of people, then don’t go.

only go if you feel you can speak up and enforce your boundaries around holding and kissing (if you have them) and dont think you’ll be ignored by ignorant people feeling entitled to kiss them.

BUT - only go if you feel well enough and you think it’d be OK to just drop in for an hour or two.

There was a thread on here a fews days back about a 1 day old baby in the pub and most people thought it was fine .
I know you feel you're only getting invited because of the baby and everyone wants to meet the squishy newborn.
But if the invitation was not forthcoming you'd be "well this is a bloody liberty , I've had a baby and DH side of the family have forgotten I exist. I've been left out of a family party"

Last thing you want is to come home pissed off and upset because great auntie June felt entitled to slobber all over their cheeks

I'd go for a bit.
Did you take baby out for the meal? Likely they interacted with more germs there than a birthday party.

Why don't you usually get invited? Are these your DH's parents? Do you normally have a good relationship with them?

If your relationship isn't great, I can see why you are reluctant to attend.

I would think about whether you’re up to going out for a family gathering. Many women get cabin fever at home and are absolutely fine to be out and about but a few weeks post c-section this is not what I wanted to be doing and I gently declined a few invitations. Yes some people thought it was OTT but I decided to prioritise my wellbeing and physical comfort (which I didn’t after my first two deliveries!)

But of course, it’s a personal decision, you’re not wrong if you take him out and you’re not wrong if you decide to stay home with him.

Honestly, you’ll be fine although if you don’t want to go it’s probably an ok excuse.
i went to a wedding on day 3 with one of mine. It was fine. I just carried her (she was passed around a lot from memory). I’d also had a section so I think DH must have dropped me off at the wedding but it was no issue. She got a lot of attention!

The best thing I did for my mental health post baby was getting out and about. I went to the supermarket with baby on the way home and to an outdoor festival when she was 3 days old. I was never told by medical staff not to take baby out.

I think you’re overthinking it. With DS we were out around the shops at five days, and DD had to go with us to nursery every day from five days old, and went to a carol service at four days old. Didn’t even occur to me to not do those things. All post CS too.

I would go early to see grandparents and then pop baby in a sling so that people can see but not pass them around and then leave after an hour.

I've just had my second and it'd be a big fat no from me. Why do people say this to first time mums? There's so much pressure to go because they want to see the baby, when you most need your rest and bonding.

You never get invited to your H’s fathers birthday?

Your dh never used to get invited to his dad's birthday gatherings?

Honestly if you’re planning to have more than one baby you need to realise that an older sibling is going to expose their baby sibling to plenty of germs 😅

OP, just for some reassurance (hopefully!) my third DD caught her first cold at 3 weeks old and was fine. I mean, snuffling and fussier than usual but certainly not very ill. I didn't take her to a doctor or anything. So it's not a given.
But equally, she's your first and you don't have to expose her so don't if you don't want to.

DD was taken to a completely different hospital at one day old to a ward where my dad had just died. Had no choice but to go and take her. She was surrounded by cooing nurses, they had a cuddle. It was a little light on the ward where people mostly died.

If you are breastfeeding, the baby gets some protection from you. Even if you don't , he will still have some protection from pregnancy.

I would go and not pass him around.

Just to highlight, it is actually not recommended to have such a small baby in a car seat for more than 20-30mins. It can cause breathing issues due to positioning.

What sort of do? Might you be sat outside.

I wouldn’t have even thought about it tbh.

A gathering is an excellent place for people to meet your baby - let them hold the baby!