Husband on the war path again. Wants me to pay but I have no money

[ByZanyLion]

A close friends daughter was visiting my house for a play date with my daughter. The two girls are in the same class and a very good friends.

During the play date the girl scribbled on the wall and a few other places with a permanent marker. I only found out about this after she had gone home. The girls are both 9 and this has never happened before. DH has lost his ; he wants to confront the mother. I told him that I’ll deal with it but he isn’t happy. He doesn’t want her in our house again, nor her mother.

She scribbled on two things of his, which is what he is mostly angry about. I told him, I’ll replace the items, because my friend won’t have the money, as she is going through a fair tough situation herself, and I don’t want to add to her burden. DH isn’t sympathetic to her plight. He has basically said that either she needs to pay or I need to pay using my own money, and not our family money. However, I don’t work and don’t have another source of income.

I am slightly taken aback by his insistence I need to use my own money. FYI Its only £60 to replace the items.

Literally nobody has said this. Try again.

You’ve got 2 separate issues here really

1 - your DD’s friend who is, at the very least, badly behaved. I think you need to speak to her mum and explain she damaged your things (up to you whether you ask her to pay or not), and you won’t be having her over again. You also need to explain to your DD that if her friends start doing that again she tells them to stop or she comes and tells you.

2 - your DH’s overly harsh reaction to the damage. I don’t think he’s necessarily wrong to expect the mother / you to pay for it, but it sounds as though the way he’s expressed that is overly aggressive, and if finances are already an issue between you this isn’t going to help.

Are the finance issues because he resents having to support your family? Or are they because you want to get back to work but are stuck being the SAHP?

They’re not his kids. Op could have stayed at home for whatever reason but it’s to look after her own children. They don’t have a child together.
Look, you either ask the mother of the 9yo to pay or you find a way to pay (you should get some child benefit or something). You can’t demand that he pays for the damaged items because you don’t think the girls mum should pay. You can’t say £60 is not a lot of money but at the same time, it’s a lot of money for the girls mum

This

He isn’t supporting 6 children.

Hopefully he is at least supporting three. Which isn’t cheap. He shouldn’t have lost his temper, that wasn’t ok, but I imagine his pockets are not bottomless.

Why on earth are you with him let alone dependent upon him? Why aren’t you working?

How many of your children are you financially supporting? How many of your children is he?

OP still hasn’t said why she hasn’t got a job and supporting her own children.

Why are people assuming he is financially abusive?

Geist Ink & Dye remover saved my sofa and floor when my daughter got creative with a permanent marker. Good luck.

Mate, he saw through the friends child last time she bullied his step daughter. Against his better judgement they've been round again and a nine year old has been allowed to act like a toddler, trashing the house without consequence. OP is the one choosing to suck up the cost by not tackling her friend.

What do you want him to do?

Who is then, seeing as you don't work and have no money?

I don't know if this will help, but in the far distant past I was a trainer/teacher and often used permanent marker on the whiteboard by mistake. To remove it, I used a white board marker on top of the permanent marker and it wipes off with no trace. There's some kind of solvent in the dry wipe marker.

Obviously that worked on a whiteboard, not sure about YOUR stuff, but it's worth a try I suppose.

I'd be very cross with my DH if he was so aggressive. It's OK to be annoyed, but it's not OK to be so pigheaded about it.

I don’t blame him for being cross. Agree with the comments you should have been supervising better if she was unpleasant last time and DH didn’t want her back in the house.

Ask your friend for the cash or at least half. The fact you don’t work / have your own money is obviously causing issues otherwise he wouldn’t have made this about the cost.

NMW is £12.21 an hour. Less than five hours childcare or housework for £60. You owe him nothing.

I’m afraid ‘DH on the warpath’ will always have me leaning towards LTB, it just doesn’t sound the sort of comment that comes out of an equal relationship.

Possibly some of the children are adults

Eh? Don’t blame the child who actually did the damage in the first place? 9 is way old enough to know better!!

@ByZanyLion , write over the top of the marker with a dry wipe marker. It has a solvent to stop it setting which will remove the permanent marker ink.

9 year olds should know better.

Damage should be paid for. I'd be annoyed if something of mine was ruined. You shouldnt agree to pay for something if you can't actually do so.

Best thing would be to speak to the girls mother. Next best thing would be to get yourself a job so you are not financially reliant on your husband.

I'd be annoyed too, you are essentially saying you'll replace the items with his own money - so he loses out.

Your friend should be paying for this, and you should definitely be telling her about it.

They are too old for that behaviour at 9.

They don’t have children together, it’s her daughter.

Very selective responses and none to this question asked numerous times....

I think you’re going to need to speak to your friend and I have sympathy with your dp. A 9 year old should know better and understand that there are consequences for poor section making/ actions… problem is your getting the consequences. I too wouldn’t entertain that child again.

Yep, almost like OP doesn't want to answer as she know she'll get a pile on.