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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Trans people

999 replies

Mog65 · 17/04/2025 16:46

Firstly, I'm a trans ally

Everyone is up in arms about trans women. What seems to be forgotten these people are human beings. Where is humanity. You have probably been sharing toilets and coming into contact with trans women every day and have no idea. You only hear about the few bad ones. In a public toilet, you go into a cubical and pee. Its not like you're sat there in full public view with your knickers at your ankles.

What has been forgotten also, as many females are changing to. So trans men. So you're in hospital in a ward. The woman in the next bed, identifys as George, clit is now a penis fully working and you're in the next bed! Same person can wander around female only spaces as the law has changed. George can now only be searched by a female. By the way George a transgender man is a pervert! All hypothetical but nobody has brought this up.

Just a thought.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
41
namechangeGOT · 18/04/2025 16:52

SnakesAndArrows · 18/04/2025 15:48

At the point it’s attached to someone with testes. HTH.

Or when it’s attached, at whatever size, design or aesthetics to a person with XY chromosomes?!

SidewaysOtter · 18/04/2025 17:13

Totallymessed · 18/04/2025 11:28

I think that @Lostcat is under the impression that they are pretty much the same thing. Cos like, they initially develop from the same embryonic tissue in early foetal development.

As the saying goes (or should go), may god grant me the confidence of a pig shit ignorant man.

Well, if we want to take it to its logical conclusion, all body parts are the same as they come from the same source: the original couple of cells from which a foetus develops. By that measure an earlobe would be interchangeable with a knee, a vertebrae from a toenail. This would certainly be borne out by those who struggle to differentiate an arse from an elbow.

Murdoch1949 · 18/04/2025 17:44

Genuine trans women, who just want to get on with their lives as discreetly as possible, are perfectly entitled to. What they are not entitled to is access to designated single sex spaces - hospital wards, prisons, rape crisis, domestic violence centres, cloakrooms, changing rooms - whether they retain their biological genitalia or not around 90% keep their bits (why are they not the first thing to go?). Women's and girls' sport is another major area that should be rigorously protected for biological girls& women. The Supreme Court ruling was a wonderful announcement that should not have been needed. If public bodies had taken the correct decisions in the first place we would not have needed judges to tell us that only women are women. But thank you anyway. We have been held ransom by a militant sub-section of a tiny, minority @5%, the ones who are least likely to pass as a woman & sometimes consider their full beard does not mean they are not a genuine woman. The Supreme Court rules.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 18/04/2025 18:27

Teddlesisagoodboy · 18/04/2025 10:08

You guys make everything up, that picture of trans people in prison someone shared up thread is completely made up. Do you not fact check anything? There aren't even that many trans people in prison.

The prison service apparently think there are that many men in prison who assert that they are transexual, but what would they know, right? They just published the exact numbers for shits and giggles.

StupidBoy · 18/04/2025 18:36

There is a very good article in the Telegraph today about how women only organisations such as Lesbian dating sites and bars/clubs have become so heavily infiltrated with trans-identified men claiming to be lesbian women that the organisations can no longer run effectively. And if they try to keep the trans-identified men out they are hounded and threatened by trans activists to the point where they are forced to close down anyway.

One lesbian woman was actually banned from Hinge for saying she was only interested in dating biological born women. She was banned for transphobia and 'hate speech.'

TwistedWonder · 18/04/2025 19:00

StupidBoy · 18/04/2025 18:36

There is a very good article in the Telegraph today about how women only organisations such as Lesbian dating sites and bars/clubs have become so heavily infiltrated with trans-identified men claiming to be lesbian women that the organisations can no longer run effectively. And if they try to keep the trans-identified men out they are hounded and threatened by trans activists to the point where they are forced to close down anyway.

One lesbian woman was actually banned from Hinge for saying she was only interested in dating biological born women. She was banned for transphobia and 'hate speech.'

Edited

Female only dating event closed down for not allowing men who claim to be lesbians

https://www.spiked-online.com/2024/04/03/trans-activists-shut-down-my-lesbian-speed-dating-event/amp/

Not on the UK but this one beggars belief

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tickle_v_Giggle

LittlerCharlotte · 18/04/2025 19:20

Lostcat · 18/04/2025 14:07

How would you know if they pass? since by definition if someone passes you wouldn’t realise they were trans.

So your statement “they don’t” is entirely based on your own (incorrect) assumptions/ prejudices.

Also I can’t believe I have to tell you that not all natal females are short, slight and have hips, but that seems to be where we are at.

I. Am. So . Exhausted. I can’t imagine how trans people must be feeling the last few days. 💔

Edited

Possibly how women have been feeling for the last few centuries.

Lex345 · 18/04/2025 19:40

13J · 18/04/2025 12:48

@Mog65 This will be lengthy but I hope you read it, and I hope others do too. Don’t just read the first line and assume my views.

i am a trans man. Socially transitioned at 18, have had full mastectomy and phalliplasty and I ‘pass’ very well. I’m mid 30s now.

I understand what you’re trying to say, you are right, trans people have existed and some of them have used single sex spaces with no issue. A lot of them wish no harm to anyone and really do just need to pee, they just want to live their life and that’s fantastic.

BUT

You can’t deny biology, as much as some people would like to. It is what it is, you’re born how you are born. You can transition socially, change your name, wear different clothes, and everything else you think goes along with a gender. You can get some surgery to make your body look more like the gender you identify with.

But, your biological sex has not changed, nor have any medical needs associated with it.
As I said, I’ve had phalloplasty, but I do not have a fully functioning penis. I have arm skin sewn on to my pubic bone, a lengthened urethra and testicular implants in my outer labia.
I cannot get an erection, and therefore cannot penetrate anything without the use of either a device to inflate the arm skin (which I opted not to have fitted due to the massive risks of complications but that’s by the by) or some kind of strap on. It looks more masculine than my body did before, and my face looks masculine so when you meet me, you wouldn’t initially think female but nobody is going to see me naked and think I was born male because I wasn’t.

a trans man who opted for metoidioplasty will have normal sized testicular implants and their clit will have grown a little due to to testosterone. It is still a clit tho and again, you absolutely can tell. It is also unlikely to be big enough to do anything with.

A trans woman can have all the surgery in the world to look more femanine but you are going to be able to tell, and they can have surgery to invert the penis to mimic a vagina. But it still won’t be one.

in your fictional scenario,
firstly, ‘George’ will be placed on a ward corresponding to his body, not his gender identity. If he has a vagina he will be placed on a female ward and most women are okay with that. If there’s any doubt a side room will typically be used.

Since surgery, where appropriate I have been placed on male wards, with no issue. but nobody is going to think that George is a pervert on either ward.

george may well be a pervert, as might any man or women. But if they are it won’t be because of their gender identity.

Georgina however, is different
she has the strength, and likely height and build of a man, making it much easier to overpower a woman

and if she has not had surgery, then she is capable of rape. And potentially Impregnation.

and in reality, the issue isn’t, and never has been the percentage of genuine trans women who assault women.

it is the amount of men who will use self ID to their advantage to access women’s spaces with the intention of assaulting them.

it is the trans women who want to change in full view of women in changing rooms making sure that their very male penis is in full view.

How many women do you know who want to flaunt themselves like that? Even in a female space.

And why do so many trans women opt not to have surgery? If you feel you are a woman, and want to be treated as such, why would you want to keep a body part that is inherently male? Women don’t stand to pee, and can’t penetrate others without the use of an object. So if they’re opting to keep the penis (with the exception of someone who is not fit for surgery but would’ve liked it) Then they’re keeping it to use it, as a man would.

EVERYONES rights are important, but you don’t get better right for trans people by eradicating women’s right.

I don’t use female facilities, I don’t feel it would be right because I know how male I look and sound and because I wouldn’t feel comfortable in that space.

I will use the male facilities, but often I opt for the third spaces, the single accessible toilets with no gender. For my own safety, and for the comfort and safety of others (not because I am a threat, but because I may be perceived as one).

When I voiced these opinions with trans friends, I was told I was transphobic, I was excluded from my own ‘community’ because I don’t presume that my rights are more important than anyone else’s

You cannot demand equality and then kick and scream when you are not given special treatment.

And on behalf of every genuine trans person who just wants to identify as they feel, wishes no harm to anyone and just wants to live their life, who probably did use single sex spaces and cause no concern to anyone.

i want to ask you to stop.

Stop trying to justify the removal of women’s rights, stop trying to deny biological sex.
Because you’re not doing it on our behalf. You’re not helping us, or making our lives easier.

You are enabling men to encroach on women’s spaces and rights, you’re helping them have a ready excuse for being someone they have no business being, and your making women too afraid to speak up for fear of being labelled phobic.

And those like me, who have lived comfortably in society for years just going about their day, now fear having to tell anyone they are trans, because it will be assumed we want special treatment, or we believe all the things that the media says we do.

Thank you for posting this, beautifully put

PalmTreeAngel · 18/04/2025 19:45

Anyone see what Sam Smith posted on his / their social media today in relation to this new ruling? I cannot help but feel Sam Smith and MANY others are conflating two separate issues - in that - trans-people have somehow had their human rights taken away here? No they have not. It’s just been made clear(er) that you can only be your assigned sex at birth - but transgender people / gender reassignment is still a protected characteristic according to the Equality Act.

I feel they need to fight for their own spaces and policies etc in a way that doesn’t encroach on people of a biological sex (i.e. both men and women). The reason why trans-women not being able to use female spaces dominates the conversation is because this whole issue disproportionately affects women in a way that poses risk and such - that is NOT to say that trans-people have somehow lost their human rights.

People who are acting as though they’ve had their human rights taken away from them quite frankly makes my skin crawl as in my opinion, it’s so dramatic and inaccurate!

Trans people
TheKeatingFive · 18/04/2025 19:49

PalmTreeAngel · 18/04/2025 19:45

Anyone see what Sam Smith posted on his / their social media today in relation to this new ruling? I cannot help but feel Sam Smith and MANY others are conflating two separate issues - in that - trans-people have somehow had their human rights taken away here? No they have not. It’s just been made clear(er) that you can only be your assigned sex at birth - but transgender people / gender reassignment is still a protected characteristic according to the Equality Act.

I feel they need to fight for their own spaces and policies etc in a way that doesn’t encroach on people of a biological sex (i.e. both men and women). The reason why trans-women not being able to use female spaces dominates the conversation is because this whole issue disproportionately affects women in a way that poses risk and such - that is NOT to say that trans-people have somehow lost their human rights.

People who are acting as though they’ve had their human rights taken away from them quite frankly makes my skin crawl as in my opinion, it’s so dramatic and inaccurate!

There are a lot of tantrums going on 🙄

Lex345 · 18/04/2025 19:53

I find it incredibly concerning when it is framed like this to impressionable followers; its creating a division and sense of wider exclusion that doesn't exist, as if growing up isn't confusing enough.

SummerDaysOnTheWay · 18/04/2025 19:57

Thank you for your post @Lex345 💛

PalmTreeAngel · 18/04/2025 19:59

13J · 18/04/2025 12:48

@Mog65 This will be lengthy but I hope you read it, and I hope others do too. Don’t just read the first line and assume my views.

i am a trans man. Socially transitioned at 18, have had full mastectomy and phalliplasty and I ‘pass’ very well. I’m mid 30s now.

I understand what you’re trying to say, you are right, trans people have existed and some of them have used single sex spaces with no issue. A lot of them wish no harm to anyone and really do just need to pee, they just want to live their life and that’s fantastic.

BUT

You can’t deny biology, as much as some people would like to. It is what it is, you’re born how you are born. You can transition socially, change your name, wear different clothes, and everything else you think goes along with a gender. You can get some surgery to make your body look more like the gender you identify with.

But, your biological sex has not changed, nor have any medical needs associated with it.
As I said, I’ve had phalloplasty, but I do not have a fully functioning penis. I have arm skin sewn on to my pubic bone, a lengthened urethra and testicular implants in my outer labia.
I cannot get an erection, and therefore cannot penetrate anything without the use of either a device to inflate the arm skin (which I opted not to have fitted due to the massive risks of complications but that’s by the by) or some kind of strap on. It looks more masculine than my body did before, and my face looks masculine so when you meet me, you wouldn’t initially think female but nobody is going to see me naked and think I was born male because I wasn’t.

a trans man who opted for metoidioplasty will have normal sized testicular implants and their clit will have grown a little due to to testosterone. It is still a clit tho and again, you absolutely can tell. It is also unlikely to be big enough to do anything with.

A trans woman can have all the surgery in the world to look more femanine but you are going to be able to tell, and they can have surgery to invert the penis to mimic a vagina. But it still won’t be one.

in your fictional scenario,
firstly, ‘George’ will be placed on a ward corresponding to his body, not his gender identity. If he has a vagina he will be placed on a female ward and most women are okay with that. If there’s any doubt a side room will typically be used.

Since surgery, where appropriate I have been placed on male wards, with no issue. but nobody is going to think that George is a pervert on either ward.

george may well be a pervert, as might any man or women. But if they are it won’t be because of their gender identity.

Georgina however, is different
she has the strength, and likely height and build of a man, making it much easier to overpower a woman

and if she has not had surgery, then she is capable of rape. And potentially Impregnation.

and in reality, the issue isn’t, and never has been the percentage of genuine trans women who assault women.

it is the amount of men who will use self ID to their advantage to access women’s spaces with the intention of assaulting them.

it is the trans women who want to change in full view of women in changing rooms making sure that their very male penis is in full view.

How many women do you know who want to flaunt themselves like that? Even in a female space.

And why do so many trans women opt not to have surgery? If you feel you are a woman, and want to be treated as such, why would you want to keep a body part that is inherently male? Women don’t stand to pee, and can’t penetrate others without the use of an object. So if they’re opting to keep the penis (with the exception of someone who is not fit for surgery but would’ve liked it) Then they’re keeping it to use it, as a man would.

EVERYONES rights are important, but you don’t get better right for trans people by eradicating women’s right.

I don’t use female facilities, I don’t feel it would be right because I know how male I look and sound and because I wouldn’t feel comfortable in that space.

I will use the male facilities, but often I opt for the third spaces, the single accessible toilets with no gender. For my own safety, and for the comfort and safety of others (not because I am a threat, but because I may be perceived as one).

When I voiced these opinions with trans friends, I was told I was transphobic, I was excluded from my own ‘community’ because I don’t presume that my rights are more important than anyone else’s

You cannot demand equality and then kick and scream when you are not given special treatment.

And on behalf of every genuine trans person who just wants to identify as they feel, wishes no harm to anyone and just wants to live their life, who probably did use single sex spaces and cause no concern to anyone.

i want to ask you to stop.

Stop trying to justify the removal of women’s rights, stop trying to deny biological sex.
Because you’re not doing it on our behalf. You’re not helping us, or making our lives easier.

You are enabling men to encroach on women’s spaces and rights, you’re helping them have a ready excuse for being someone they have no business being, and your making women too afraid to speak up for fear of being labelled phobic.

And those like me, who have lived comfortably in society for years just going about their day, now fear having to tell anyone they are trans, because it will be assumed we want special treatment, or we believe all the things that the media says we do.

Your post is utterly fantastic, and I completely respect you for posting it. Thank you so much.

I was saying to my partner, it’s so interesting to hear a trans-man’s perspective on this as I feel they are so often left out of the conversation or focus. Why is it only trans-women who are seemingly kicking up a fuss I wonder? Someone else nailed it on this thread by saying that trans-women literally use women to validate their own identity. My partner laughed and said why are trans-women so against women - who they are trying to be. So very interesting.

PalmTreeAngel · 18/04/2025 20:03

TheKeatingFive · 18/04/2025 19:49

There are a lot of tantrums going on 🙄

Exactly. And why?

Does Sam smith actually care for biological women? Or are they just an advocate for non binary and trans people and somehow they’re more important than us?

it’s nauseating. 🤢 Why don’t we matter?

For the first time, I feel like I matter again. I’m 34 years old. I feel I have benefitted so much from all the previous women in history who have fought for our rights, only for them to be denied by a small percentage of the population. It’s crazy. I feel disappointed and let down by stars such as Sam Smith - I feel they are pushing their own agenda and at the detriment to biological women. I don’t think I’ll listen to their music again. So poor of them.

PalmTreeAngel · 18/04/2025 20:04

Lex345 · 18/04/2025 19:53

I find it incredibly concerning when it is framed like this to impressionable followers; its creating a division and sense of wider exclusion that doesn't exist, as if growing up isn't confusing enough.

Agreed.very misleading imo.

burnoutbabe · 18/04/2025 20:07

FatLarrysBanned · 17/04/2025 16:55

I'd rather take my chances fighting off f/m "George" who likely has to take time to inflate his "penis" and more likely to be my size and stature than 6ft 2" m/f "Georgina" with his intact home grown fully functioning, penis which he doesn't feel the need to get rid of to be a "woman".

Indeed!

and there is nothing to stop any female trying to sexually assault another women. It’s rare but happens in prisons. But most of us rightly never worry about that risk. So sane risk as “George” really.

JandamiHash · 18/04/2025 20:09

LobeliaBaggins · 18/04/2025 15:37

Definitely isnt necessary. But there's so much angst over here about what transwomen will do that I suggest those angsting fundraise to build a separate loo

Or maybe men can just sort their own shit out rather than expecting women to do everything for them?

burnoutbabe · 18/04/2025 20:20

There was a gym owner on itv test for a women only gym saying they could still be inclusive.

and of course they can be. They are running a mixed sex gym and that’s fine if everyone is clear. Be interesting if sone women drop out/change gyms once they are clear. Probably not as if they were already advertising as trans friendly then you’d expect trans women there so would avoid if you didn’t want to share facilities.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 18/04/2025 20:23

Lostcat
I have to tell you that not all natal females are short, slight and have hips,

but the ones without hips do look very strange with their legs attaching directly to their lower abdomens, and tend to have terrible trouble sitting down.

Yes, I know that's not what you were trying to tell us, but your posts are so risible that I feel no guilt about taking that bit literally. It is about as sensible as the rest of the guff you spout. Tell you what: if You Are So Exhausted, why don't you go away and lie down in a darkened room and try to get a bit of sleep? We'll try not to miss you too much if you leave your keyboard outside.

BrilliantBrilliant · 18/04/2025 20:24

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 18/04/2025 18:27

The prison service apparently think there are that many men in prison who assert that they are transexual, but what would they know, right? They just published the exact numbers for shits and giggles.

You give Ted evidence they say its made up, whether figures from prison officers, the government or articles about actual men who think they are women and identity as trans women who rape and sexualy assault and have been found guilty in a court of law. Apparently all made up.

Fantasy trumps fact in more ways than one.

LobeliaBaggins · 18/04/2025 20:25

JandamiHash · 18/04/2025 20:09

Or maybe men can just sort their own shit out rather than expecting women to do everything for them?

Absolutely! But I assume the angsters on here are women.
We all know the men will do nada!

Enrichetta · 18/04/2025 20:33

Lex345 · 18/04/2025 19:40

Thank you for posting this, beautifully put

I agree. Especially this:

and in reality, the issue isn’t, and never has been the percentage of genuine trans women who assault women.
- it is the amount of men who will use self ID to their advantage to access women’s spaces with the intention of assaulting them.

My only experience of 'transpeople' has been middle aged men - who looked like middle aged men and clearly had no intention of transitioning - using the ladies lavotories that had been redesignated 'gender neutral' at the Bridge and the RFH.

They only did it because they could........ and pretended to be astonished and/or outraged when challenged. I don't for a minute believe that they were planning to assault anyone, but they were clearly asserting their maleness - and associated power - in a previously female-only space.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 18/04/2025 20:50

Enrichetta, you have beaten me to saying almost exactly that: I too was particularly struck by 13J's
and in reality, the issue isn’t, and never has been the percentage of genuine trans women who assault women.
it is the amount of men who will use self ID to their advantage to access women’s spaces with the intention of assaulting them.

I have tried so many times this decade to point that very simple fact out, and been told (always by men of one or another gender, never by women) that I was paranoid and it would never happen. But even if it never would happen, though we all know that it has and does, that has never been the point: it is that women know that it could happen and that makes their safe spaces unsafe for them. When I was fifteen, if a man waved his willy at me in the ladies I could shout for help and he would be ejected, possibly with police assistance. Now, if I shouted for help I would be told I was being a terf antitrans bigot and be lucky not to be prosecuted for hate-crime, or that's the way it feels. Which is insane, given that I have had trans friends since last century and never been anti them at all; they like me dislike what they refer to as "fake trans", so I suppose we are all terf antitrans bigots together.

BundleBoogie · 18/04/2025 20:52

Enrichetta · 18/04/2025 20:33

I agree. Especially this:

and in reality, the issue isn’t, and never has been the percentage of genuine trans women who assault women.
- it is the amount of men who will use self ID to their advantage to access women’s spaces with the intention of assaulting them.

My only experience of 'transpeople' has been middle aged men - who looked like middle aged men and clearly had no intention of transitioning - using the ladies lavotories that had been redesignated 'gender neutral' at the Bridge and the RFH.

They only did it because they could........ and pretended to be astonished and/or outraged when challenged. I don't for a minute believe that they were planning to assault anyone, but they were clearly asserting their maleness - and associated power - in a previously female-only space.

Men who identify as women have been quite open about their various fetishes around women. These include listening to women use the toilet, stealing used sanitary products to use themselves, exposing their penises to unsuspecting women, covert filming of themselves invading women’s spaces with women as the background.

Also, many get an erection thrill from just the transgression of being somewhere they shouldn’t ie a female only space. Unconsenting female participants are a bonus.

JandamiHash · 18/04/2025 20:54

GCAcademic · 18/04/2025 15:39

PMSL as "so exhausted" and "can't imagine" how trans people have been feeling for the last couple of days.

We've had over ten years of this shit, love. Obviously you haven't stopped to imagine that. Years and years of our legal rights being eroded and removed, all with the backing of the most powerful institutions in the land, right up to the government itself. Jobs, facilities and opportunities lost, women assaulted and raped in supposedly single-sex spaces, gaslit by the police and rape crisis centres, locked up in prison with males. Seeing the rights, safety and dignity that we had fought were, and which were enshrined in law, being gleefully and systematically removed by male supremacists and their handmaidens.

Edited

Not to mention the job sackings, threats and even arrests when we’ve tried to defend the rights that were ours all along

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