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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Trans people

999 replies

Mog65 · 17/04/2025 16:46

Firstly, I'm a trans ally

Everyone is up in arms about trans women. What seems to be forgotten these people are human beings. Where is humanity. You have probably been sharing toilets and coming into contact with trans women every day and have no idea. You only hear about the few bad ones. In a public toilet, you go into a cubical and pee. Its not like you're sat there in full public view with your knickers at your ankles.

What has been forgotten also, as many females are changing to. So trans men. So you're in hospital in a ward. The woman in the next bed, identifys as George, clit is now a penis fully working and you're in the next bed! Same person can wander around female only spaces as the law has changed. George can now only be searched by a female. By the way George a transgender man is a pervert! All hypothetical but nobody has brought this up.

Just a thought.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
41
Gloriia · 18/04/2025 14:11

Lostcat · 18/04/2025 14:07

How would you know if they pass? since by definition if someone passes you wouldn’t realise they were trans.

So your statement “they don’t” is entirely based on your own (incorrect) assumptions/ prejudices.

Also I can’t believe I have to tell you that not all natal females are short, slight and have hips, but that seems to be where we are at.

I. Am. So . Exhausted. I can’t imagine how trans people must be feeling the last few days. 💔

Edited

Just going by transpeople that we have seen on tv, there was a transman on Emmerdale and other programmes such as BB. We are currently seeing transmen on the news and all over skills media commsnting on the court ruling, they don't pass. Which is fine but why do they think they do?

JandamiHash · 18/04/2025 14:11

Lostcat · 18/04/2025 14:07

How would you know if they pass? since by definition if someone passes you wouldn’t realise they were trans.

So your statement “they don’t” is entirely based on your own (incorrect) assumptions/ prejudices.

Also I can’t believe I have to tell you that not all natal females are short, slight and have hips, but that seems to be where we are at.

I. Am. So . Exhausted. I can’t imagine how trans people must be feeling the last few days. 💔

Edited

Imagine how women have felt for the last decade+ being called bigots when we question why men are appropriating our sex, and have had men call for rape and violence against us because we stand up for ourselves.

Trans people are not of women’s concerns. Women don’t have to solve everyone’s problem. Nothing to do with us, we have enough to be on with

AnSolas · 18/04/2025 14:14

viques · 18/04/2025 11:28

And what do you think would happen if women,and men to be fair, had not objected very loudly to transwomen being put into womens prisons?

Imagine the scenario, Knuckles Smith has just been sent down for ten years, he has already served time in Belmarsh and other tough units and didn’t make many friends there, he knows he is in for some heavy retribution wherever he ends up. So he asks his brief to bring in a blonde wig , a nice Karen Millen dress and a pair of flats for his sentencing appearance and announces to the judge that he has seen the light, and now realises that his twenty year history of violent offending including domestic abuse, has all been because he has been fighting against his inner feelz, from now on he is to be called Charitee and his pronouns are she and her. And the judge, mindful of how he will be slaughtered by TRA activists if he says the wrong thing agrees, and sends him to a womens prison where vulnerable women will have no place to hide.

OK, I am teasing. But if people hadn't kicked up a stink then similar things would be happening in UK courts all over the country. Many people, police, judges and politicians, were perfectly happy to sign off on violent men, some with a long history of abuse against women - up to and including rape - being housed in the female estate. We should thank our lucky stars for that photo of a thug in shocking pink leggings displaying his penis which alerted the country to what was happening behind closed doors.

It doesn’t matter how many, one is too many.

In Ireland the man had a long violent history.

Pre 18 he was deemed so dangerous due in part to his preplanned ambush attacks on women that he was managed by a team of 5 men/1(him).

There was such concern that the State applied to have him sectioned and locked in a secure MH unit. So he had to get a judge to rule that planning to locate his mother stab her to death and rape her with an object as she was bleed out did not make him legally insane.

The Government were and continue to be happy to allow him have a GRC and have him placed in a womens prison.

And if he picked the name Barbie Kardashian.

@Teddlesisagoodboy can google him too

Nameychangington · 18/04/2025 14:28

AnSolas · 18/04/2025 14:14

In Ireland the man had a long violent history.

Pre 18 he was deemed so dangerous due in part to his preplanned ambush attacks on women that he was managed by a team of 5 men/1(him).

There was such concern that the State applied to have him sectioned and locked in a secure MH unit. So he had to get a judge to rule that planning to locate his mother stab her to death and rape her with an object as she was bleed out did not make him legally insane.

The Government were and continue to be happy to allow him have a GRC and have him placed in a womens prison.

And if he picked the name Barbie Kardashian.

@Teddlesisagoodboy can google him too

Ireland has self ID. The Irish populace were never asked whether they wanted that, and the government were very invested in 'proving' that self ID caused no problems.

So when Barbie got loose, after trying to rip his social worker's eyelids off, the Guards warned the public to be on the lookout for a dangerous woman. Once he was caught the Irish version of children's social care got a court order expunging the whole incident from the public record, despite Barbie then being 18 and not a child in their remit. Barbie was put in a women's prison despite his repeated insistence that he intended to rape and torture women any chance he got. More recently he was prosecuted for the threats and violence he committed in the women's prison, both towards female inmates and female staff. He was found not guilty.

A lot of people really don't realise how far we have been sold out, in service of this men's rights movement. All those bleating now about the poor unsafe vulnerable transwomen unable to pee do not want you to k ow about Barbie, or the many many other violent woman hating men they harbour under the 'trans umbrella '.

Waitwhat23 · 18/04/2025 14:34

Lostcat · 18/04/2025 14:07

How would you know if they pass? since by definition if someone passes you wouldn’t realise they were trans.

So your statement “they don’t” is entirely based on your own (incorrect) assumptions/ prejudices.

Also I can’t believe I have to tell you that not all natal females are short, slight and have hips, but that seems to be where we are at.

I. Am. So . Exhausted. I can’t imagine how trans people must be feeling the last few days. 💔

Edited

Well, they certainly must be pretty exhausted given the footstamping and spreading of outright lies over the last few days.

Some of the lies have been jawdropping in their audacity.

FWS are funded by the far right = nonsense

Scottish Lesbians are run by two non lesbians who live in the SE England = nonsense

The judges involved were all men (and one person has literally removed the two women from photos to prove his 'point') = nonsense

That men are who are trans are biologically women = nonsense

Gloriia · 18/04/2025 15:01

'I. Am. So . Exhausted. I can’t imagine how trans people must be feeling the last few days'

Maybe it is time for them to reassess and review their situation. It is ok to wear whatever you like, be butch, be feminine it's fine. But that should be where it ends. No mutilating surgery, no expecting others to use your chosen pronouns, no impinging on women's rights, no competing against women etc.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 18/04/2025 15:05

Teddlesisagoodboy · 18/04/2025 12:06

But these men were not trans, so what has that got to do with this conversation. I'm not talking about men. I'm talking about trans women

Transwomen are men though.

AnSolas · 18/04/2025 15:11

SnoozingFox · 18/04/2025 12:33

I do have to say I feel very sorry for someone DH works with who would describe themselves as transsexual, not transgender. DH has been with the employer for about 12 years and this person "transitioned" before he arrived, the full surgery process. The agreement was made that they should use the female loos after returning to work since the surgery and this is the situation which has been ongoing, without incident or complaint, for over 12 years. The person is recognisable as a transwoman if only because of her height. But everyone calls her "she" and there aren't many people in the company who remember her as a man. She very much describes herself as a transwoman and accepts that she is different from women.

She has no time for the more recent trend of "I am a woman because I say I am" folks and feels their attention seeking and media courting has made life 100 times harder for people who were on this bandwagon even before it was a bandwagon to be on. Because people will assume she is about to harangue them about misgendering her. She just wants to get on quietly with her life, working in a job she's good at and has been doing for 20 years, not bothering anyone. She doesn't do sport, doesn't go up for women only clubs or awards, doesn't force a way into female only groups.

This ruling has meant that she can now be blocked from using the female loos which she has been using for 12 years plus at work and which nobody has objected to because she is not a woman - a fact she accepts and has always accepted. I am sure that individual cases will be considered and I wouldn't imagine she will stop using the female toilets at work unless someone objects.

I am very much in favour of the ruling and it is well overdue. But on the other hand I can see how it will affect this transwoman I know, who has proven for 12 years or more that they pose no threat to anyone and are not interested in accessing women's spaces apart from the work loos. Conflicted.

He remains male and chose to stop using the mens toilet in work which I assume is as safe for him as the womens toilet?

By your (DH?) own description he is recognisable as being male so its not that people dont remember him as a "man".

Plus any woman who joined the company before or after he began using the womens toilet have no SSS and would have to accept a mixed sex toilet or find a new job. While the men did not have to put up with any adjustment to their SSS.

If there has been no problems and he has been accepted by the men in the job and he is not a threat to any other employee what is the real issue/risks involved if he begins to use the mens toilet again?

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 18/04/2025 15:23

If there has been no problems and he has been accepted by the men in the job and he is not a threat to any other employee what is the real issue/risks involved if he begins to use the mens toilet again?

I was wondering exactly this.
Surely this man can just start using the men's toilets again now.
What difference will it make to him?

LobeliaBaggins · 18/04/2025 15:28

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 18/04/2025 15:23

If there has been no problems and he has been accepted by the men in the job and he is not a threat to any other employee what is the real issue/risks involved if he begins to use the mens toilet again?

I was wondering exactly this.
Surely this man can just start using the men's toilets again now.
What difference will it make to him?

Yep the man can start using the men's loo. Or his workplace can open a 3rd space loo for him if they like.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 18/04/2025 15:31

LobeliaBaggins · 18/04/2025 15:28

Yep the man can start using the men's loo. Or his workplace can open a 3rd space loo for him if they like.

His own personal lavatory? FGS surely that isn't necessary.
He's a man so he can use the men's.

BundleBoogie · 18/04/2025 15:34

SnoozingFox · 18/04/2025 12:33

I do have to say I feel very sorry for someone DH works with who would describe themselves as transsexual, not transgender. DH has been with the employer for about 12 years and this person "transitioned" before he arrived, the full surgery process. The agreement was made that they should use the female loos after returning to work since the surgery and this is the situation which has been ongoing, without incident or complaint, for over 12 years. The person is recognisable as a transwoman if only because of her height. But everyone calls her "she" and there aren't many people in the company who remember her as a man. She very much describes herself as a transwoman and accepts that she is different from women.

She has no time for the more recent trend of "I am a woman because I say I am" folks and feels their attention seeking and media courting has made life 100 times harder for people who were on this bandwagon even before it was a bandwagon to be on. Because people will assume she is about to harangue them about misgendering her. She just wants to get on quietly with her life, working in a job she's good at and has been doing for 20 years, not bothering anyone. She doesn't do sport, doesn't go up for women only clubs or awards, doesn't force a way into female only groups.

This ruling has meant that she can now be blocked from using the female loos which she has been using for 12 years plus at work and which nobody has objected to because she is not a woman - a fact she accepts and has always accepted. I am sure that individual cases will be considered and I wouldn't imagine she will stop using the female toilets at work unless someone objects.

I am very much in favour of the ruling and it is well overdue. But on the other hand I can see how it will affect this transwoman I know, who has proven for 12 years or more that they pose no threat to anyone and are not interested in accessing women's spaces apart from the work loos. Conflicted.

It has always been lawful to exclude your husbands colleague from the ladies - this ruling just clarifies that and dismisses the deliberate lies spread by trans activists to the contrary.

Just because no woman had dared complain, doesn’t mean no one has an issue with him using the ladies. They may have just quietly withdrawn or gone elsewhere. Have you seen what happens to women that even mention this stuff? Screaming mobs with smoke bombs and black masks in a university workplace, screaming mobs throwing missiles and letting off smoke bombs outside a women’s meeting near Grenfell tower, women being physically intimidated or attacked, women being fired or subjected to disciplinary action and ‘re-education?

I’m sure this man would encounter no problems in using the men’s toilets, especially as he is clear that he is still male. Why should he use the women’s? There is literally no reason at all. Don’t feel sorry for him.

LobeliaBaggins · 18/04/2025 15:37

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 18/04/2025 15:31

His own personal lavatory? FGS surely that isn't necessary.
He's a man so he can use the men's.

Definitely isnt necessary. But there's so much angst over here about what transwomen will do that I suggest those angsting fundraise to build a separate loo

BundleBoogie · 18/04/2025 15:38

Lostcat · 18/04/2025 13:09

Nah. A lot of trans men “pass” ( immediately look like/ are recognised as men).

Nah. Name one that actually ‘passes’ in real life and not carefully posed in photographs with no way of getting a sense of scale. I’ve seen a number of girls with flat chests and facial hair. They do not pass AT ALL.

GCAcademic · 18/04/2025 15:39

PMSL as "so exhausted" and "can't imagine" how trans people have been feeling for the last couple of days.

We've had over ten years of this shit, love. Obviously you haven't stopped to imagine that. Years and years of our legal rights being eroded and removed, all with the backing of the most powerful institutions in the land, right up to the government itself. Jobs, facilities and opportunities lost, women assaulted and raped in supposedly single-sex spaces, gaslit by the police and rape crisis centres, locked up in prison with males. Seeing the rights, safety and dignity that we had fought were, and which were enshrined in law, being gleefully and systematically removed by male supremacists and their handmaidens.

XxSideshowAuntSallyx · 18/04/2025 15:45

We used to have a trans woman come into the department store I used to work in(she was quite well known in the area). When she needed a bra fitting, she would be seen in the personal shopper room and was done by one of the supervisors. She never had a problem with that.

There are ways around it, that don't involve separate trans toilets and changing rooms. If you've had the op then use the female toilets/changing rooms, most women wouldn't notice. If you have a penis still and are just dressing up as a woman, then no you shouldn't be in there.

spannasaurus · 18/04/2025 15:47

There are ways around it, that don't involve separate trans toilets and changing rooms. If you've had the op then use the female toilets/changing rooms, most women wouldn't notice. If you have a penis still and are just dressing up as a woman, then no you shouldn't be in there.

No, men should stay out of womens spaces regardless of any surgery they may have had

SnakesAndArrows · 18/04/2025 15:48

Lostcat · 18/04/2025 10:33

Actually both the clitoris and the penis develop from the same tissue. In some people the presence of testosterone causes this tissue to elongate. So really the difference is a question of size - regulated by hormones- which are also variable. This leads to genitalia in individuals with different hormonal balances that can be ambiguous. At what point does a clitoris become a micro penis for example?

At the point it’s attached to someone with testes. HTH.

mrshoho · 18/04/2025 16:05

SnakesAndArrows · 18/04/2025 15:48

At the point it’s attached to someone with testes. HTH.

All this talk from lost cat of body parts morphing into different body parts and for some reason the phrase 'dick for brains' keep springing to mind.

Nameychangington · 18/04/2025 16:11

XxSideshowAuntSallyx · 18/04/2025 15:45

We used to have a trans woman come into the department store I used to work in(she was quite well known in the area). When she needed a bra fitting, she would be seen in the personal shopper room and was done by one of the supervisors. She never had a problem with that.

There are ways around it, that don't involve separate trans toilets and changing rooms. If you've had the op then use the female toilets/changing rooms, most women wouldn't notice. If you have a penis still and are just dressing up as a woman, then no you shouldn't be in there.

Look up Sarah Jane Baker. He gave himself 'the op' while in prison for torturing and orally raping a teenage lad because he was the step brother of a woman SJB had fallen out with. Do you want to share women's spaces with SJB? He tells men that if women don't comply with his ideology they should punch us in the face. He and all the rest, surgery, hormones, clothes or anything else notwithstanding, can stay out.

viques · 18/04/2025 16:28

XxSideshowAuntSallyx · 18/04/2025 15:45

We used to have a trans woman come into the department store I used to work in(she was quite well known in the area). When she needed a bra fitting, she would be seen in the personal shopper room and was done by one of the supervisors. She never had a problem with that.

There are ways around it, that don't involve separate trans toilets and changing rooms. If you've had the op then use the female toilets/changing rooms, most women wouldn't notice. If you have a penis still and are just dressing up as a woman, then no you shouldn't be in there.

Still a man. Who is going to check that someone has “had the op”. If you have a penis, or had a penis that you have had cobbled into a pouch it doesn’t make any difference, you are a man.

And as soon as a man, any man, is let into a single sex space reserved for women then it ceases to be a single sex space reserved for women. Why are people finding this simple idea so very hard to understand.

There is a peanut allergy allegory somewhere, which talks about how , even if you tell someone that a peanut is actually a walnut because it has been carefully painted to look like a walnut , it is still a peanut so you don’t give it to someone with an extreme allergy to peanuts.

AnSolas · 18/04/2025 16:34

XxSideshowAuntSallyx · 18/04/2025 15:45

We used to have a trans woman come into the department store I used to work in(she was quite well known in the area). When she needed a bra fitting, she would be seen in the personal shopper room and was done by one of the supervisors. She never had a problem with that.

There are ways around it, that don't involve separate trans toilets and changing rooms. If you've had the op then use the female toilets/changing rooms, most women wouldn't notice. If you have a penis still and are just dressing up as a woman, then no you shouldn't be in there.

You do not have any right to offer communal female SSS to any males.

You can consent for yourself not for any other woman.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 18/04/2025 16:38

XxSideshowAuntSallyx · 18/04/2025 15:45

We used to have a trans woman come into the department store I used to work in(she was quite well known in the area). When she needed a bra fitting, she would be seen in the personal shopper room and was done by one of the supervisors. She never had a problem with that.

There are ways around it, that don't involve separate trans toilets and changing rooms. If you've had the op then use the female toilets/changing rooms, most women wouldn't notice. If you have a penis still and are just dressing up as a woman, then no you shouldn't be in there.

How the hell are women supposed to know whether a trans woman has had their penis removed or not?

Helleofabore · 18/04/2025 16:46

Lostcat · 18/04/2025 14:07

How would you know if they pass? since by definition if someone passes you wouldn’t realise they were trans.

So your statement “they don’t” is entirely based on your own (incorrect) assumptions/ prejudices.

Also I can’t believe I have to tell you that not all natal females are short, slight and have hips, but that seems to be where we are at.

I. Am. So . Exhausted. I can’t imagine how trans people must be feeling the last few days. 💔

Edited

Can you imagine then how many female people feel exhausted? Shall I copy and paste this below next time you tell us that a clitoris is a penis?

I. Am. So . Exhausted. I can’t imagine how other female people must be feeling the last few days. 💔

Lark1ane · 18/04/2025 16:49

Penis or not, that person is still male.
Having your dick chopped off doesn't suddenly turn you into a woman.