BIL's new GF laughed at me and called me weird - AIBU

[comeandhaveteawithme]

DH's brother got a new girlfriend around Christmas time. At the end of January, he brought her round to an evening gathering at our house.

At first it seemed to be going OK. The girl was really quiet and barely said a word at first which I put down to shyness.

During the evening, our DS (11) came downstairs from his room and said he was a bit scared because he'd heard a freaky noise outside. I said "oh, was it a screeching sound?" He said it was I said "it will be the foxes mating cry, don't worry about it, they always mate at the end of January" DS went back to bed, reassured.

The GF let out a high pitch screech of laughter and said "You KNOW exactly when foxes have sex! That's SO WIERD" with this continued high pitched laugh. Baring in mind she'd barely said a word all night and the first thing she says is that I'm weird, in my own house, I thought it was pretty rude of her.

But I just tried to be polite and said "oh..yeah..Well I'm interested in wildlife and I like foxes so I remember they mate in January and have their cubs in March" and then she sort of wrinkled her nose and gave a side eye so I felt awkward and carried blethering on and said "I quite like hearing them because it reminds me spring is coming". And she laughed again and said "you like hearing foxes have sex, so weird" then the subject changed.

Now BIL has suggested we all go out together for an evening at a pub.

AIBU to not really fancy it? First impressions of the GF really weren't great. She was rude and made me uncomfortable while a guest in my house and pretty much the only thing she said all night was to make fun of me. She also came across extremely immature.

DH thinks I'm too sensitive and should give her another chance.

@Agapornis From your username I'm guessing you're more into Aga sex.
OP I found your fox-facts interesting.

Because it sounds like a woman screaming so yes I've looked out thinking a woman was being attacked and realised it was foxes. So I also know how they sound. Are you immune to wild life around you? We get foxes and their babies running around in our city communal garden and they are beautiful. But I'm obviously going to look out of the window in concern. It is quite a perculiar noise and if you'd heard it then you'd maybe understand.

You’re not being unreasonable. Her behaviour was the height of rudeness. I wouldn’t put up with comments like that from a child, never mind a fully-grown woman. It astonishes me that people are so quick to pull out the “socially awkward” excuse for what is simply rude behaviour. The bar for social standards is in the gutter.

She sounds immature, and socially inept, also thick. How old is she?

However, if BIL is keeping her around, you should probably give her another chance. Good luck!

I would be pissed off too! I don't think she was being very pleasant and I wouldn't want to spend time with her again.

Brilliant idea. I went to a zoo in Fuerteventura and they had the sex lives of each animal on the list of interesting facts which definitely made the zoo more interesting.

I think you should read OP again.

Actually, if someone had said that to me, I would have laughed really hard and taken it as a compliment. It IS a bit weird and it’s great. It feels like she was trying to insert herself into conversation by making a joke, but did it a bit awkwardly, and you happen to be someone who can’t laugh at themselves easily.

I think it’s weird not to know about indigenous animals!

I wouldn't go. She sounds a bit dull and uneducated.

Ofgs.

It’s not the OP’s job to facilitate this woman’s social life!

She sounds like an absolute bore, people who label things as weird are usual dull, boring and immature, or literally teenagers. She could just be very immature hence the silence and shyness. Because it’s your brother you can’t really avoid him forever so I’d just give her another chance. Try to ponder how you may have inadvertently offended many times in your life and lots of people would have given you grace and the benefit of the doubt. Pay that forward with her.

Hehe had that one coming! It's the scientific name for lovebirds (and sounds funny to me).

How do you get on with your BIL, @comeandhaveteawithme ??

If she felt so free to mock you and sneer at you on short acquaintance, in your own home, it makes me wonder how he speaks about you behind your back.

Why wouldn't humans be able to understand the sounds of their environment? This is how we know where we are in time and place. How awful that some people find it weird to be connected to the nature we're all part of. Even if you had gloated over the noisy song of lustful frogs as a sign of spring, knowing what the sounds around you mean is a Good Thing.

Perhaps the guest was so rude because she had been traumatised by watching Fleabag?

#givingzerofox

Ok, here goes... there's probably a mumsnet phrase for it, like the Bechdel Test or Godwin's Law... but:

Do you think she could be autistic/neurodivergent?

Because there is a link between autism and saying inappropriate things. As is laughing at something that no-one else is.

I'm not jumping to any conclusions, just putting it out there because it might put a different complexion on things, and help people be a bit more patient and understanding.

And laughter-loving Aphrodite put on all her rich clothes, [65] and when she had decked herself with gold, she left sweet-smelling Cyprus and went in haste towards Troy, swiftly travelling high up among the clouds. So she came to many-fountained Ida, the mother of wild creatures and went straight to the homestead across the mountains. After her [70] came grey wolves, fawning on her, and grim-eyed lions, and bears, and fleet leopards, ravenous for deer: and she was glad in heart to see them, and put desire in their breasts, so that they all mated, two together, about the shadowy coombes.

I’d hazard a guess that an autistic girl is more likely to NOT find mating foxes weird.

Very much this too.

Teenage DS, I have to pull up all the time on things being "boring, weird, lame, odd" or just generally acting like someone is a bit ridiculous and pathetic when they say something informative, because to a normal adult, that behaviour would signify you as pretty thick.

He's a teenager so has to act like he's "too cool" for facts and knowledge, or that you're some kind of geek/freak for knowing stuff. You can give some grace there and hope he grows out of it. As an adult you just look like a proper prat if you do the same.

I think its weird people dont know what vulpine sex noises are

My mates dgc told her she could hear the pigeons 'at it' at the week end... She declared to my mate her garden was a knocking shop!
Think the dgc is 18 +though!!

They are beautiful x

Give her another chance sounds just a bit like a non issue

She was probably nervous. You are being over sensitive and you should give her another chance.

It think you should go, OP. She behaved poorly and left a bad impression, but it was just a first impression on one occasion in a social situation you already thought she was uncomfortable is.

So give her the benefit of the doubt and another chance.