BIL's new GF laughed at me and called me weird - AIBU

[comeandhaveteawithme]

DH's brother got a new girlfriend around Christmas time. At the end of January, he brought her round to an evening gathering at our house.

At first it seemed to be going OK. The girl was really quiet and barely said a word at first which I put down to shyness.

During the evening, our DS (11) came downstairs from his room and said he was a bit scared because he'd heard a freaky noise outside. I said "oh, was it a screeching sound?" He said it was I said "it will be the foxes mating cry, don't worry about it, they always mate at the end of January" DS went back to bed, reassured.

The GF let out a high pitch screech of laughter and said "You KNOW exactly when foxes have sex! That's SO WIERD" with this continued high pitched laugh. Baring in mind she'd barely said a word all night and the first thing she says is that I'm weird, in my own house, I thought it was pretty rude of her.

But I just tried to be polite and said "oh..yeah..Well I'm interested in wildlife and I like foxes so I remember they mate in January and have their cubs in March" and then she sort of wrinkled her nose and gave a side eye so I felt awkward and carried blethering on and said "I quite like hearing them because it reminds me spring is coming". And she laughed again and said "you like hearing foxes have sex, so weird" then the subject changed.

Now BIL has suggested we all go out together for an evening at a pub.

AIBU to not really fancy it? First impressions of the GF really weren't great. She was rude and made me uncomfortable while a guest in my house and pretty much the only thing she said all night was to make fun of me. She also came across extremely immature.

DH thinks I'm too sensitive and should give her another chance.

Well she sounds like a fucking idiot and your brother could do a lot better. I'd go and drop lots of random wildlife and non wildlife facts to out her as a dumb towie idiot.

Anyone who lives near foxes will know the sound. They make a bloody racket. The OP was able to quickly reassure her child about the noise because she is not ignorant of the world around her. I think you and the new gf are the weird ones here, not the OP.

YANBU for feeling that way. If you've ever lived near foxes of course you get to know what their mating very sounds like, because they keep you up by doing it in the street every night, and certain times of year. By year 2 or 3, you'll know it happens at the same time every year.

But YWBU to hold it against her. Everyone fucks up occasionally, and she could end up as your SIL. Your life will be much more pleasant if you can find a way to get along with her, especially if it's a one off.

(That's not too say you be a doormat if she keeps this up.)

I don’t waste my time with rude, gauche people.

By socializing with them, you’d be giving BIL tacit signals that she is welcome. That could prolong the agony.

Or you could always use the mnet standard phrase 'did you mean yo be so rude' the next time she harps on.

She was incredibly rude and free time is far too precious to be spent with rude people!
I would decline the invitation.

Totally get what you're saying. I think it's just something I'd probably never say- like to be able to identify one animal over another's mating call. I'd probably just say it's a fox making noise/crying etc not a fox having mating/sex. People grow up in all sorts of environments and with different experiences, I would imagine most people wouldnt know about different animal sex noises or talk about it at dinner. I can see why she thought it was a bit weird or funny.

I totally know I'm immature but lifes more fun like that!

This. I sometimes cringe when I think of some things I said in the past, when feeling out of place, or nervous.

She sounds very immature -that's like something a young teenager would say.
I'd give her another chance and go along. If she's a twat you can avoid future social events with her beyond the necessary. Maybe she felt nervous and it came across as rude? Maybe she was going for "banter"?

It sounds like she was nervous and her nerves just bubbled over. I think it can be pretty normal to laugh inappropriately or say stupid things when you're anxious.

She sounds immature thinking animal mating noises are funny.
Time will fix that.
Be kind just because you know about the foxes she obviously doesn’t.

She sounds not your cup of tea or on the same level

That's fine I think people talking about animal sex noises over dinner weird. Maybe she's just not from an area where that's done.

She sounds rude and like a weirdo and I would not be attending anything with her.

And I know what you mean about the foxes mating shrieks. I did not actually know what it was the first time I heard and was worried it was a woman screaming. Google was my friend however. The sound scared me half to death.

I don’t think she was rude. Id have made similar comments over what you said. You liking hearing animals mate is a bit weird I’m not surprised she said it.

That's not what @comeandhaveteawithme said

It's what the GF inferred

So she's not weird at all.

Agreed.

I’m not menopausal but equally would not bother. I think mocking somebody in their own home on first meeting is rude and I cannot be arsed with rude people. I would prefer not to meet again unless among a big group of people.

One more try again. Youre not weird op. Its interesting to most people. She sounds really shy/quiet

i think to completely write a person off after meeting them once is a little harsh.

Also people use the word weird a lot differently now and not the insult it was when i was young.

It sounds like she was really nervous, not bitchy and unkind. I’d be gracious and try again.

Is she very young?

I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and say she might have just been very nervous! So your should go along to find out whether that is the case or if she's just quite sheltered and dim, because thats how I'd feel about a grown adult reacting like that to what you said 😆 she reminds me of someone i used to work with... you know the kind of person that thinks boys playing with dolls makes them 'gay' and that sushi is 'fucking weird and gross' (direct quotes)
But, absolutely could just be nerves, so worth going along and finding out! You might find she even apologises.

YADNBU to think she was/is a bit odd.

But meh, meeting up at the pub? I'd do it. Couple of hours being polite isn't a big deal, and it's not as if she'll be in your home.

I was going to add this. I was going to ask OP if her BIL is dating a 16/17 year old (or younger.)