BIL's new GF laughed at me and called me weird - AIBU

[comeandhaveteawithme]

DH's brother got a new girlfriend around Christmas time. At the end of January, he brought her round to an evening gathering at our house.

At first it seemed to be going OK. The girl was really quiet and barely said a word at first which I put down to shyness.

During the evening, our DS (11) came downstairs from his room and said he was a bit scared because he'd heard a freaky noise outside. I said "oh, was it a screeching sound?" He said it was I said "it will be the foxes mating cry, don't worry about it, they always mate at the end of January" DS went back to bed, reassured.

The GF let out a high pitch screech of laughter and said "You KNOW exactly when foxes have sex! That's SO WIERD" with this continued high pitched laugh. Baring in mind she'd barely said a word all night and the first thing she says is that I'm weird, in my own house, I thought it was pretty rude of her.

But I just tried to be polite and said "oh..yeah..Well I'm interested in wildlife and I like foxes so I remember they mate in January and have their cubs in March" and then she sort of wrinkled her nose and gave a side eye so I felt awkward and carried blethering on and said "I quite like hearing them because it reminds me spring is coming". And she laughed again and said "you like hearing foxes have sex, so weird" then the subject changed.

Now BIL has suggested we all go out together for an evening at a pub.

AIBU to not really fancy it? First impressions of the GF really weren't great. She was rude and made me uncomfortable while a guest in my house and pretty much the only thing she said all night was to make fun of me. She also came across extremely immature.

DH thinks I'm too sensitive and should give her another chance.

She sounds like a complete drip tbh.
We used to hear hedgehogs screaming in our garden together with the mating foxes and even now often hear the little muntjacks grunting at night in the back copse. It's not weird it's the natural world.

Definitely socially awkward. And, as an adult, she should know that you don’t say ““You are weird” to anybody. For your brother’s sake, go for the meal, be well-mannered, sociable and show her how people should behave.

I'm guessing you don't have many friends.

They are very noisy during mating season just like cats so everyone interested in wildlife wild wonder why they are suddenly extra noisy.
People ask why, get the answer. End of discussion. It is not like people dwell on it.
To me it seems very neurotic and immature to be weird about the answer and it seems extremely neurotic and immature to cast aspersions on the one giving the answer.

I wouldn't be interested in spending an evening with someone who was as rude as the new GF.

Maybe she will be more relaxed in a neutral setting. I would accept the arrangement to meet outside. See how it goes. If it doesn't go well, avoid any similar 'meet ups in future.

It isn’t ‘weird’, it’s nature. I think you sound like a great mum, op and new girlfriend is either a bit immature or narrow minded/ a bit ignorant (in the sense of not knowing things, maybe she has led a very restricted life). I would hazard a guess that she may be hard work but would give her the benefit of the doubt this time, would meet again at the pub for the sake of my brother and go from there. Any more ‘you’re weird’ type comments, I would probably just say something like, ‘sorry, I didn’t quite catch that, what did you say?’ In a really neutral tone. To see if she has the brass neck to say it again. That will tell you quite a bit about her mindset. People either explain themselves more fully or dial it back after being called out. If she doesn’t but just continues, then say nothing more but mental note to self to only make minimal effort going forward.

He old is she?

I'd probaby go but it's be a one last chance kinda thing.

I've been nervous many times but wouldn't dream of calling someone, especially someone who was hosting me, weird - and not once, but twice. She sounds rude and immature.

She may have been slightly rude but it is a bit strange still be thinking about this 3 months later?

From what I have understood from the OP, I think it’s because a social event like a coming up with the brother and girlfriend.

You’re not being weird & she was being rude. I think most people wouldn’t have given such a detailed explanation on all counts, but it was an honest & factual one. If anything, I think her reaction is weirder. I can understand why you don’t want to go, but I think you should. I think DH should be more supportive & talk to his brother about it, so he can mention it to the GF. If he won’t, you should, explaining it’s making you reluctant to meet up again. The other posters that are cool with being insulted in their own house are weird too imo. They wouldn’t take it from her, so I don’t know why they’re expecting you to.

She’d never met anyone so aware of wildlife and didn’t have the social skill to be politely interested. Try to find out what she’s interested in.
FWIW I also know that sound, it is very distinctive and alarming if you don’t know what it is. She can’t have lived anywhere near foxes because you have to find out what it is or live in terror. The first time it woke me I thought someone was being murdered in the garden.

She probably has normal, nice ones but not rude ones with crap social skills.

Bit of an odd thing to say, that you like hearing foxes mating, but I agree with the sentiment that noises like that are a sign spring is here.

The woman who laughed was extremely rude and could have easily either kept her thoughts to herself or worded it better

Bababear987 · 17/04/2025 12:38
Give her another chance, what are you going to do just never be around her again? She was probably just being weird cause she was nervous.
Although tbh I'd find it a little weird that you said it was a foxs mating cry. I dont know why and wouldnt say it to your face but I do think it's just an odd thing to be able to identify and be interested in when animals mate.

What? Are your being serious?

Don't you notice when birds are nesting, or when the lambs appear in the fields? Are you not aware of what happens in spring in the northern hemisphere? Do you ever leave your house, or look up from your screen and smell the coffee, the flowers and the breeze? Jeez.

This is MN - where I assume a pretty good level of education from posters, but this has been an eye-opener for me. Grown people who think it's weird to be well-informed about the natural world??

We're in more trouble than we thought when it comes to saving the planet, it seems.

Yes I agree, she sounds socially awkward and could be shy and actually comes out with rubbish. Sometimes I find silence can be your friend too, when people come out with weird crap just give a hard stare (think Paddington when someone forgets their manners), ignore and cut across them and change the topic of conversation. This may need to happen a couple of times to get their comments are not welcome.

and yes strange, when meeting people for the first few times and esp in their house it is odd behaviour, but in case they go the distance it maybe prudent to just prepare yourself for her off comments and how you deal with than not see her.

learn hard stares
quiet comebacks
find it ok to say you find her comment strange to say in company of others
or laugh off her comments and say “I think that strange to comment on like that”.

Ooooh - a bit mean.

For some reason I keep going back to this thread and scanning it. I have already posted that I think the GF was rude saying OP is weird. But, in OPs position, I would never have said anything about fox mating. I would have said it’s only foxes making a noise/fighting or whatever. Perhaps someone who’s just met your family might be slightly embarrassed?
However, GF definitely should not have pulled her face and made the “weird” comment - both were a bit rude.

I wonder if she's from.the city and never heard foxes and she perhaps genuinely thought it was weird. I hear foxes/see foxes here all the time so know completely what you are saying (cats doing it to makes a racket!!) but some people have no experience or interest in wildlife so to her it may have been a strange conversation.

Maybe let it go this time and see how you get on next time.

Give her one more chance and if she says odd things again you know that's on her and not just initial social awkwardness.

Well I think she sounds like a 12 year old and I don’t think you’re being sensitive but I’m too old to tolerate people I don’t like. It depends if you want to carry on a relationship with your BIL or if you think she’ll be around long term. She could have been nervous but screeching laughing at someone is just plain rude and childish. Mean girl vibes for me.

Like many others I've met plenty of socially awkward, nervous people, and plenty of rude people too. From what you wrote OP this woman was the latter and just utterly rude to you in your own home, there is no excuse for calling you weird and making fun like that. Being nervous or socially awkard is not an excuse to be rude to anyone about anything, you aren't being touchy she made a very judgemental and ignorant remark to you twice.

We spend too much time as women being nice to rude people for the sake of others.

I live in the country and the foxes are always bloody barking to each other but I don't think I've ever heard them doing a mating call. I just listened to it on youtube and think I would've remembered it I mean wow no wonder your son was scared!

I feel like the gf maybe took the meaning of mating call too literally. Although saying "they always mate at the end of January" is a bit specific and unnecessary imo.

Why?

Foxes also disappear for most of January too and no one knows why or where they go, same with the vixen mating call. Foxes do some interesting and little known things. Perhaps OPs DC is interested in wildlife? Even if he isn't if your DC is scared why wouldn't you tell them the reason behind the scary noise, it gives context and a good reason not to be scared.

That animals have sex and different mating behaviours isn't weird neither is speaking about it.

‘Specific and unnecessary’? Snort. Perhaps the OP should have said the fixes were having singing lessons.