BIL's new GF laughed at me and called me weird - AIBU

[comeandhaveteawithme]

DH's brother got a new girlfriend around Christmas time. At the end of January, he brought her round to an evening gathering at our house.

At first it seemed to be going OK. The girl was really quiet and barely said a word at first which I put down to shyness.

During the evening, our DS (11) came downstairs from his room and said he was a bit scared because he'd heard a freaky noise outside. I said "oh, was it a screeching sound?" He said it was I said "it will be the foxes mating cry, don't worry about it, they always mate at the end of January" DS went back to bed, reassured.

The GF let out a high pitch screech of laughter and said "You KNOW exactly when foxes have sex! That's SO WIERD" with this continued high pitched laugh. Baring in mind she'd barely said a word all night and the first thing she says is that I'm weird, in my own house, I thought it was pretty rude of her.

But I just tried to be polite and said "oh..yeah..Well I'm interested in wildlife and I like foxes so I remember they mate in January and have their cubs in March" and then she sort of wrinkled her nose and gave a side eye so I felt awkward and carried blethering on and said "I quite like hearing them because it reminds me spring is coming". And she laughed again and said "you like hearing foxes have sex, so weird" then the subject changed.

Now BIL has suggested we all go out together for an evening at a pub.

AIBU to not really fancy it? First impressions of the GF really weren't great. She was rude and made me uncomfortable while a guest in my house and pretty much the only thing she said all night was to make fun of me. She also came across extremely immature.

DH thinks I'm too sensitive and should give her another chance.

This.

Could it be that she’s just not very bright? I would give it another go but swerve any other interaction if she is awkward again.

I’d go, but I’d be prepared to leave early citing an emergency or something. Then make it clear to your DH and his brother that any further attempts at socialising weren’t going to be repeated.

I understand ‘but faaamily’ but I also understand ‘feckin weird and rude’.

This!

You told a virtual stranger you like hearing foxes have sex and you reckon she is wrong??

I'd be inclined to give her another go. Because she might be around for a long time! If she's still rude, then I wouldn't bother anymore.

YANBU. Socially awkward people tend not to call people weird.

I would tell DH that you’ll sit this out and he can get to know his new SIL. You can frame it as you saw she was nervous and she might be more comfortable if it was just DH there for now.

You are not anyone’s caretaker.

I'd let it go and meet again for your DH's sake, but be ready to politely bounce any rudeness back at her, eg "I wouldn't say it's weird, more common knowledge. Are you not interested in wildlife?"

She sounds immature and dragged up.
For the sake of your husband give her one more chance.
If it is a repeat performance I wouldn't entertain her again, tell your husband that.
She was very rude.
Its likely who she is.

I;d have said 'It's the foxes' not "it will be the foxes mating cry, don't worry about it, they always mate at the end of January" "oh..yeah..Well I'm interested in wildlife and I like foxes so I remember they mate in January and have their cubs in March" "I quite like hearing them because it reminds me spring is coming".

Firstly, why should the OP be coy about it? If their family talk about things like this then it was a perfectly reasonable (and factually accurate) thing to say. The son would have learned something from it.

Secondly the OP only went on to say about January and March, and spring coming, was because she was called weird and was effectively defending herself. If the gf hadn't called her weird and done the eye roll, the issue would have been over after the OP's initial explanation to her son.

if you do not want to spend time with her do not go

I wouldn't be wasting my time with this thick bitch. No siree.

I'm sorry but what you said is VERY FUNNY, I laughed out loud when I read this. For you it's common, but I've never heard anyone saying they enjoy hearing animals mate.

I don't think she did it with a bad intention though.

If it was me, meeting a potential sister in law, I would have laughed internally, then gossip with the boyfriend at home about it. I wouldn't have laughed in your face because I don't know you enough to know if you'd get offended.

If you were my friend, I would have laughed out loud, spill the drink and all. You seem like you're funny.

Don't take it seriously.

I think you can give her another chance just for the benefit of your husband. But she was rude, she’s clearly not that shy if she’s got enough confidence to be laughing at you and calling you weird. I wouldn’t just give her the benefit of the doubt that she was socially awkward either, maybe she felt she was too cool for school and didn’t get involved due to some feelings of superiority. Who knows.

I think she was rude, but go anyway, see what she’s like this time and you will get a better sense of who she is and if you can be civil with one another for the sake of any future family get togethers

Eh? No, it's not. Anyone interested in animals would know, and OP would probably know even if she wasn't interested, since the foxes keep getting it on near her house each year!

They should go to a Premier Inn.

If you live in an area with foxes, you know what it sounds like because the first time you hear it is terrifying

She sounds dumb, but it's a bit early to write her off.

OP is not obliged to put up with a moron simply because her husband wants to spend time with his brother. How absurd.

Don’t waste your time, OP.

I live in a city centre with many urban foxes and everyone knows what a vixen sounds like when she wants to mate. Not weird at all, but she is!

She sounds incredibly immature and also quite bitchy. Did she laugh at anything any of the men said? I bet she didn't. Picked on you in your own house. I'd be thoroughly unimpressed as well, OP. But she's your BIL's GF, so there's nothing you can do about it.

@comeandhaveteawithme

I don't think you're being oversensitive, no one likes being laughed at. But I also think you should give her another chance. She may be an absolute jerk or she may just have been nervous or having an 'off' night.

Just be yourself and see what happens.

PS, FWIW when she said you were 'weird' I probably would have said "Really? It's 'weird' to be interested in nature? That's odd".

Sounds like there are a severe lack of social skills all round, so you may well be ideal future friends. Try again, be friendly, see what happens.

I’m always in two minds about this. She does sound like she’s super socially awkward. Which one can have empathy for - but also you’re not a social worker who exists to make people feel better all the time (don’t set yourself on fire to warm someone else up etc)

I’d probably go - but set the intention that you’re not going to take anything she says seriously unless she brings a more adult version of herself (which she hopefully will in a more neutral space that’s the pub vs your home)

This

She sounds quite immature / awkward herself. I think it says more about her than you.
I’d try to let it go/make an effort for the sake of your brother.