BIL's new GF laughed at me and called me weird - AIBU

[comeandhaveteawithme]

DH's brother got a new girlfriend around Christmas time. At the end of January, he brought her round to an evening gathering at our house.

At first it seemed to be going OK. The girl was really quiet and barely said a word at first which I put down to shyness.

During the evening, our DS (11) came downstairs from his room and said he was a bit scared because he'd heard a freaky noise outside. I said "oh, was it a screeching sound?" He said it was I said "it will be the foxes mating cry, don't worry about it, they always mate at the end of January" DS went back to bed, reassured.

The GF let out a high pitch screech of laughter and said "You KNOW exactly when foxes have sex! That's SO WIERD" with this continued high pitched laugh. Baring in mind she'd barely said a word all night and the first thing she says is that I'm weird, in my own house, I thought it was pretty rude of her.

But I just tried to be polite and said "oh..yeah..Well I'm interested in wildlife and I like foxes so I remember they mate in January and have their cubs in March" and then she sort of wrinkled her nose and gave a side eye so I felt awkward and carried blethering on and said "I quite like hearing them because it reminds me spring is coming". And she laughed again and said "you like hearing foxes have sex, so weird" then the subject changed.

Now BIL has suggested we all go out together for an evening at a pub.

AIBU to not really fancy it? First impressions of the GF really weren't great. She was rude and made me uncomfortable while a guest in my house and pretty much the only thing she said all night was to make fun of me. She also came across extremely immature.

DH thinks I'm too sensitive and should give her another chance.

This is clearly the best option.

A foxes mating cry sounds like a woman being attacked. When you hear that for the first time in the middle of the night, you check what it is.

Let it go this time eh.

Not her fault she's a townie.
I think I would have said to my kids, "Its the foxes calling to each other" That would have been enough.

She's the weird one but she might turn out to be OK when you get to know her.

I also go to bed to the sound of foxes mating. It isn't weird to know what's happening.

That's a strange twist on what happened.
As I said above I can hear foxes mating at night too and I like knowing there are foxes in the woods. Geese make a lot of noise too in the mating season. That doesn't mean I have an unnatural interest in animal sex.

If you meet up with them one more time and she is still rude, then you can rule out first time meeting awkwardness. If everyone heard what she said to you, then I don't understand why they all don't think she's rude. There was a partner of a friend of my ex's that I used to dread being left alone with. SO rude - but usually when nobody else was there. (In the end I told my ex that in future I would not be looking after the kids with his mate's wife while the 2 blokes went to the pub.)

It wasn't "over dinner". I said it was an evening gathering. We didn't have dinner.

And I didn't just randomly bring up animal sex noises. My son came down, scared, and needed reassurance. I gave him an accurate answer and quite honestly, didn't really think anything of it. It's just nature.
She caried it on, not me. I wasn't even talking to her or any of the adults.

My SIL used to live in London and she knew the sounds of mating foxes. She also saw them at it one day.

She sounds really childish. Does she not know about animals and seasons and that lots of creatures have young around springtime? Also foxes shagging is a very specific noise. If you've heard it once you'll recognised it forever more?!

I wouldn't avoid going to the pub with them over it. She may be daft, immature, or was very nervous, and trying to make a joke that went wrong. If it turns out she's a twat on further meetings then fine, you can just arrange to meet him alone. But for now I'd say remain open minded.

If I'd said "it's the foxes" he wouldn't have accepted that because he'd never heard it before. He was scared by the noise and needed further explanation. You don't hear it all year, this is why, now bugger off back upstairs.
It didn't occur to me that this was an issue.

Perhaps she was very nervous - I’d give her another chance but keep a watchful eye.
Tbh at the next meeting I would be so tempted to make up some outlandish story about wildlife - how hedgehogs mate 🤣 or foxes wear foxgloves on their paws in April…..but of course I’d be worried about be weird so wouldn’t 🤣

Sounds like something and nothing to me. Really not something I could even vaguely get worked up about, let alone still be thinking of months later.

This.

Either it was a one off down to nerves, or you will have a crap evening, but one which will provide you with a reason never to go again.

OP, you don’t need to engage in conversation much with her do you ? You and your husband can be there for his brother and only need answer direct approaches from her after careful consideration….!

I spent 40 years doing this with my brother’s wife. I also managed to ignore/not engage with her on her views on politics, Princess Diana, Royalty, other family members, climate change, recycling, immigration, etc. etc.

I'm not stewing over it and randomly bringing it up because I haven't stopped thinking about it for three months. We've been invited out to the pub this weekend and I'm considering whether or not to go.

Is she very young? It sounds like something a teenager might find amusing or “weird”. Or maybe she’s never heard foxes before, maybe didn’t even realise they lived near houses?
I’d give her another chance.

I do find it weird that foxes mating reminds you spring is coming - sorry @comeandhaveteawithme 😂Sounds like she was nervous and fumbled it. Give her another chance.

I’m surprised at how many people dismiss her reaction as ‘just being awkward’.

There must be a lot of people feeling uncomfortable in new social situation ….

Id say
She was rude. Her comment, fir me, just shows a reflection on how she sees the world (even if she hasn’t said anything iyswim) which I’m not keen on either.

By any means, yes I’d meet up with her/them again. Not the least because she is your BIL girlfriend, therefore a potential new family member. But I’d keep to meet up outside your house until you have a better idea of who she is

.

She was probably making conversation in the face of awkward silence from others.

I’d rather be talking to OP than BIL’s GF, that’s for sure.

I can understand why you're annoyed but it was probably a combination of nerves and immaturity. I would give her another chance.

Well yes, but in context. I didn't just say "Hi, I'm soandso and I like fox sex"

I wasn't talking to her, I was talking to my child, briefly, before sending him back upstairs. She inserted herself into the conversation and called me weird before I'd even said I like it.
And I only said I like hearing it because it means spring is on the way. I like seeing the first bird fly over with a twig in its mouth too, or the first snowdops, or the daffodils sprouting, or the lighter mornings or the first time I smell a BBQ. Don't most people?

It's literally why they are doing it though. Because spring is coming 😆

I think you should go and be open minded. She may have been nervous rather than rude.

To be honest I'd find you going on about foxes' mating habits much more awkward.

I’m 😵‍💫😵‍💫😂😂 at the fact people are shocked that you can talk about ‘animals having sex’.

I mean how dare anyone mentions animals are matting in spring. I mean that will be news to everyone AND a totally inappropriate subject of discussion of course 😂
Youd think the OP was talking about the sex habits of her NDN.