BIL's new GF laughed at me and called me weird - AIBU

[comeandhaveteawithme]

DH's brother got a new girlfriend around Christmas time. At the end of January, he brought her round to an evening gathering at our house.

At first it seemed to be going OK. The girl was really quiet and barely said a word at first which I put down to shyness.

During the evening, our DS (11) came downstairs from his room and said he was a bit scared because he'd heard a freaky noise outside. I said "oh, was it a screeching sound?" He said it was I said "it will be the foxes mating cry, don't worry about it, they always mate at the end of January" DS went back to bed, reassured.

The GF let out a high pitch screech of laughter and said "You KNOW exactly when foxes have sex! That's SO WIERD" with this continued high pitched laugh. Baring in mind she'd barely said a word all night and the first thing she says is that I'm weird, in my own house, I thought it was pretty rude of her.

But I just tried to be polite and said "oh..yeah..Well I'm interested in wildlife and I like foxes so I remember they mate in January and have their cubs in March" and then she sort of wrinkled her nose and gave a side eye so I felt awkward and carried blethering on and said "I quite like hearing them because it reminds me spring is coming". And she laughed again and said "you like hearing foxes have sex, so weird" then the subject changed.

Now BIL has suggested we all go out together for an evening at a pub.

AIBU to not really fancy it? First impressions of the GF really weren't great. She was rude and made me uncomfortable while a guest in my house and pretty much the only thing she said all night was to make fun of me. She also came across extremely immature.

DH thinks I'm too sensitive and should give her another chance.

She sounds like an idiot but I’d let it go and hope BIL goes off her….

Also, go Mean Girls on her! “Oh don’t you care about the environment then?” That type of thing.

She sounds like the son's girlfriend in the comedy 'Mum'
I think it was a bit weird too, and I'm quite used to wildlife.

Really? I know what the sound of foxes mating sounds like. If you grew up with them in your garden, it’s pretty common. And doesn’t everyone know animals have babies in Spring?!

DH is right. Unless you plan to avoid your brother for the rest of your life?

His brother - but agree

She sounds really ignorant, to be honest. You took an interest in something and that makes you weird? And the fact that she is said it twice and made out like you are some sort of pervert because you can identify the mating sound of a fox and you like that it is a sign of spring and I would be very wary of her. You don't join in a conversation by mocking someone.

You must have had a sheltered life if this offends you.

She's not wrong though is she 😅

@Peaceandquietandacuppa , I don't know what people know. My NDN didn't know that foxes wander into people's gardens.

I;d have said 'It's the foxes' not "it will be the foxes mating cry, don't worry about it, they always mate at the end of January" "oh..yeah..Well I'm interested in wildlife and I like foxes so I remember they mate in January and have their cubs in March" "I quite like hearing them because it reminds me spring is coming".

I HATE people who have nothing to say but pick apart what others say.

She sounds a cunt, give her another chance to confirm or refute this. But just one.

Everyone saying that knowing about the lifecycle of an animal is “weird” must think Chris Packham is an absolute sexual deviant! If you grow up in the countryside, it’s completely normal. Animals don’t hide behind a curtain fgs. They also piss and shit in full view too, and everyone gets by without having a fit of the vapours. They’re animals. It’s not like the vicar’s just gone at it during Evensong, is it?

She was rude, and daft, but give her one more go, if this happened in January and BIL is still with her, then there must be something good about her. But if she's rude & daft again then maybe skip a third chance!

Did it upset you that deeply to have it implied you are “weird”, by someone you yourself find weird? I quite like encountering wacky secondary characters in life, especially with DP. We can then have a good chat and giggle about it after.

It’s your BIL’s girlfriend, everyone’s life is going to be a lot easier if you just get on with it. I doubt she was looking to offend.

@AlisounOfBath , he gives me the creeps.

When somebody shows you what they're like... Believe them

She made a scene in your house, at you while you were trying to comfort your child. I wouldn't be spending money on nights out with her until the relationship becomes serious & you've seen another side of her

(Also I would assume if you have foxes in the area you would know when they mate as you hear it every year)

Bill Oddie, Clare Balding, David Attenborough. Who cares? Get over it.

She sounds silly and bad mannered, but she is the new one to the group so why should you now start missing out on things? Just go for the meal and feel bad for her when she embarrasses herself again.

I would imagine most people in this country must know what foxes sound like when they're mating. Foxes are commonplace everywhere in Britain - you don't need to be rural to hear them. I live in London and the screeching is a regular feature of nighttime life!

So in reality she's the weird one for not knowing what a fox sounds like when it's mating.

To be honest, she sounds very young and very stupid and I wouldn't be interested in wasting an evening of my life making small talk with someone who doesn't have much of a brain or an ability to carry out a polite conversation. She was rude - being nervous doesn't make you repeatedly rude and insulting! - and frankly, ignorant. She sounds like a silly teenage girl, and if she's not a silly teenage girl, then she needs to grow up, pronto.

Your husband can go along to hang out with his brother if he wants, but if I were you, I'd unfortunately be busy spending time with people who can actually hold a conversation instead. If your BIL were engaged to her and it looked like she were going to become a permanent family fixture, I'd be more inclined to make an effort - but for a short term girlfriend who'd already been rude to me in my house, then no, I wouldn't be interested in spending an evening together. And I'd be telling my BIL why, too!

Go to the pub - but give her the benefit of the doubt about the fox comments.
If her comment came out the wrong way, then she will be mortified.

If not ... remember the saying 'when someone shows you what they're like the first time - believe them'.

Yes, but you wouldn't necessarily say that'll be foxes having sex, to an 11yo or to a guest you barely know.

Nothing wrong with saying it, but I can see why someone might find it odd if that's not what they're used to.

It's very weird to be stewing over this 4 months later.....

But when someone says something you find a bit odd, it's nice to have the most basic manners not to laugh in their face and mock them as weird. Twice. In their own home.

It sounds like she was awkward in her response and then you were awkward in your response. Let it go and try again in a more neutral setting.

I get how you felt offended, definitely. I’d give her another chance though and try to go without any preconceptions, as if it’s the first time you’ve met.
If she offends you again then you’d be right to want to avoid her in future where possible - obviously if she does end up as part of the family in the long term then you’ll have to try and get on as best you can.

I am old. I have discovered in my old age that first impressions are very often accurate ones. I've realised people I thought were dicks when I first met them are indeed just dicks. Just that over 20 or 30 years, I've been able to tolerate their dickishness to the point where I am immune to it.