For having reacted the way I did when I caught my 14 year old daughter’s…

[madonninamia]

Boyfriend in her room last night at 1am?
He must’ve crept in while I was sleeping and it was only ‘cause I had to go to the loo that I saw a light under her bedroom door and thought she was on her phone that I walked in and saw him shoot out of her bed like lightning. Thank god they were both in pjs although my daughter was wearing tiny shorts and vest that I’d never seen before.

God knows what my neighbours must have thought as I did some major screeching first in shock when I saw him leap out of the bed in the semi dark but I was just so upset that she would already be sneaking about like this. I admit I was doing the exact same thing but I was 16/17 at the time, and me and my boyfriend had been together more than a year before I was even ready to start having sex with him. 14 is too young to be having her boyfriend round for frigging “sleepovers”, isn’t it?!?
My mind is blown, they’ve been together a couple of months now, they are both 14 and as I stupidly believed pretty innocent and sweet. Of course I had the talk after I noticed how into each other they were and I broached her about sex but she promised she wasn’t wanting to do anything like that. She knows that having sex at 14 is considered way too young (illegal!) but after last night I’m having serious doubts about where they are at in their relationship.

I’m at a loss what to do, my DH was of little help last night as he stumbled about half asleep and not knowing what to do or say when the boyfriend was looking like a deer in headlights last night. He’s at work now lucky git, I took time off work due to Easter hols, we were going to go out shopping today but that’s not going to happen now.
How in hell do I go about this? Ground her? Take away her social media? I don’t even know his parents but I think I should contact them to let them know their son is sneaking out in the middle of the night and cycling 3 miles to sleep with his girlfriend, shouldn’t I? Any advice would be gladly appreciated as at the moment I’ve not slept much and all I want to do is lock her in her bedroom until she turns 16.

All these people saying they’ve had sex, we don’t know if that is true or not. They may not be ready at all or simply been too scared to dtd with parents in the house. He was in bed in pjs and tracksuit trousers. That doesn’t shout a boy ready to have sex to me. If anything, your dd is the one possibly thinking about things seeing as she bought herself some new pjs. However, I also don’t think more ‘sexy’ or revealing pjs = girl ready to have sex either. That could simply be a girl, who wants to look cute
I could believe that possibly if it was the first time they did that but it's not. It's the second.
Also what's the line that's trotted out on here everytime someone gets busted for something, that they will tell the bare minimum that they can get away with.
This is exactly what has happened here.

This doesn't make Dd a bad person. Just a young teen navigating her probably first love and not wanting to upset mum.

2nd that she is admitting to. Who knows how many times they have actually done this.

The problem is she isn’t giving any information that isn’t being forced out of her by being found out. so it makes it a lot harder to know when she is finally telling the truth.

It is going to be a very fine tightrope so she knows she has really crossed a boundary and lost a lot of trust and keeping the relationship in a working place. I was going to say open but that ship has sailed given how much she is happy to deceive you.

Good look with everything.

Well you don't seem to know her that well! She's been pulling the wool over your eyes left right and centre, only admitting to deception whenever she's been caught out and has no choice!

Sorry OP but you DD sounds like rather a good liar! Remember she persuaded you that the fake phone number you were given was her boyfriend's parents' number, rather than his own.
You were so enraged to find her in bed with a boy that she's very unlikely to admit to having had sex if it has happened, or whenever it does.

I do want to point out that my dd HAS NOT had sex! Many replies here seem to be determined to believe that she has which is really strange but luckily I know my daughter pretty well (apart from this massive deception!) and I know she’s being honest at least about this
How can you trust her word, she lied repeatedly, she made a fool of you with the wrong phone number while faking how sorry she is, he was caught February, how many nights do you think they got away with it in between, you are extremely naive trusting your DC.
You dropped the ball. Don't be foolish again, she has you wrapped.

I’m glad you’re able to talk things through with your daughter and you and the boy’s mum are now on the same page but I really do think you are being naive by trusting your daughter that they haven’t had sex. She has lied to you left, right and centre and could very well be simply telling you what she knows you want to hear.
Of course you know your daughter and we don’t but she’s been incredibly deceitful so far. I wouldn’t be able to believe a single word she says right now. Of course she might be telling the truth but you don’t actually know that for sure.

Have you read the update? The OP has found out that this was the second time.

Tell the boyfriends mother that she’ll be bringing up her sons child if your dd gets pregnant. He’ll be behaving responsibly right away.

I wonder how all this panning out