Inappropriate behaviour towards my 15 year old daughter

[Jemski39]

Sorry, this probably isn't the correct chat to post but seems to get a lot of traffic and really need advice. My 15 year old daughter has a job as a waitress in a local restaurant. My exh partner knows the owner and got her the job. She told me tonight that she wants to quit, which I am fine with. When she messaged her dad, he was annoyed that she was quitting her job without giving a reason. She became very upset and told me that an older male member of staff there makes her feel really uncomfortable. He asks her questions about her boyfriend and has said things like "don't forget I'm your number one". He has also touched her waist and shoulder numerous times without her consent. She will obviously never be going back there again. But what can I do, if anything? Can I go to the police? I am so upset for her and feel like I've let her down for letting her work there in the first place. I'm going to speak to her dad about it tomorrow.

This post has triggered a lot of negative comments but to me it beggars belief that in the 21st C we are still teaching girls to prioritise "being nice", "not drawing attention to herself", "not making waves" etc, etc over their own personal comfort and safety.

The question we should all be asking ourselves is, why does a teenage girl find it impossible to simply say, in a normal tone of voice, "don't do that please I don't like it"?

In my experience, the police will go and have a chat. There is no justification for physically touching any member of staff on any part of their body.
I absolutely would report this so that there’s a record of it

And this will serve to put him on notice that he is NOW on the police's radar for inappropriate behaviour towards a child.

Hopefully it will be enough to put a sharp halt to his gallop.
I would hope the owner would give him notice and keep OP's daughter on, but sometimes the fairest outcome doesn't materialise.

I wouldn’t report to the police. I’d encourage DD to practice sayingquite loudly and in public ‘don’t touch me , I don’t like it’ . Then to glare at this man. If he carries on anyway she will need backup, but if he stops it will empowering for her.

And we should be helping them speak out by letting them practice saying it, first quietly then louder. ‘Don’t touch me please. I mean it, don’t touch me. GET YOUR HANDS OFFME’. In the workplace especially somewhere public like a cafe, this would draw attention and have an effect,.

It’s interesting how many people still think we should say “please” when asking perverts not to touch us. Fuck that!

Hope Springs is not a mother.

Weirdly this happened to our teen Dd yesterday on the street though sadly for the perve my normally “calm and measured” dh was collecting saw and went absolutely berserk shouted at the middle aged perpetrator and chased him in his car. Reckon that nonce will think twice before doing that again.

Exactly @ nineteen. why should a girl even have to tell him he should know better. I just hope OP does something about it. Why does a grown man want to know about her boyfriend? He basically wanted to know if she having a sexual relationship. Sussing her out. So pervy.

Get her dad to go and grab his ass, see how he likes unwanted attention.

Definitely speak with the owner letter her know why your Daughter won't be going back to work. The Colleague may have felt he was being supportive of her & trying too hard to make her feel like she fits in, & in doing so it's had the opposite effect. Any touching without permission is wrong & this man needs to be told so, even if it is a hand on the shoulder etc. Encourage your Daughter to speak out if someone ever makes her feel uncomfortable again. She doesn't have to make a big deal out of it just say that she doesn't like it & ask them to stop. let them know she means it by being firm.

Touching someone on the shoulder or waist actually can both be a crime depending on other variables. So can verbal harassment. And this person’s daughter is a child in the eyes of the law. Saying this is the reality of being a woman just allows this creep and other men to keep getting away with it. I would report him if your daughter feels comfortable. The worst that can happen is the police don’t take any action but they could still speak to him informally which at least might make him think twice before doing it again.

You are absolutely right. Ignore everyone who is saying stuff like this. It’s not for women (girl in this case) to correct men’s behaviour. It’s time men were held responsible for learning to behave properly in society.

For the sake of other women who work there, please report it, if he's doing that to your daughter he's probably making other women feel like that 😬

Sorry I haven't read anything beyond the initial post because this scenario has me incensed.

Not only does the restaurant owner need to be told about this behaviour, but so too do the police. The touching is very much in sexual abuse of a minor territory which carries custodial sentences and listing on the sex register. They may have grown up watching Benny Hill and Jim Davidson, but older blokes need to wise up and understand their 'friendly banter' is unwarranted and causes distress, just as much as their touching is illegal.

OP: I'm sorry your daughter has had to endure this. Her dad needs to know, and if his paternal defences don't kick in, he needs to understand the vulnerability of his daughter's position working with such predators.

Totally agree. Swap the word 'please' for 'Unless you like eating your Sunday roast through a straw'

It's sexual harassment get dad to have a word if it continues call the police its definitely a police matter NO MAN SHOULD BEHAVE LIKE THIS TOWARDS A CHILD

Are you for real he's an adult and a man let's be clear saying no doesn't work we have 300000 rapists walking around in the uk

I’d ring the police, for those saying it’s not a police matter, this is exactly why so many predators get away with it!

Being a teenage girl is hard enough without disgusting old men fawning over you too! I let far too many get away with it when I was younger because it wasn’t a talked about subject.

I think you should consider your daughters wishes here, she may be having second thoughts on how she has reacted. As a 15 year old there's restrictions on what she should have been doing in the restaurant but her father probably needs to know. The man may be a bit sleazy but this is not a police matter.

First report to owner or manager and see what happens. If nothing is done find out if it’s a franchise for a bigger chain and complain higher up. Had to do that when a female manager was making comments to my then 17 year old son. It worked she was moved. Eventually fired when she did the same at a different store. The other lady working with him apologised and has become a good work friend helping him deal with issues and other staff. He works in a small shop and been there for three years.

For anyone saying this isn't a police matter, the CPS would beg to differ.

The verbals are grooming. The waist and shoulder touching are unwanted physical contact.

This isn't a rapist. This is a creep preying on a shy teenage girl. Saying "no" loudly and clearly would draw attention to what he's doing.

She's 15 years old she shouldn't even be working. So if you got police involved the owner and you would probably get in trouble for that yourselves.

She can work serving tables from 13