Inappropriate behaviour towards my 15 year old daughter

[Jemski39]

Sorry, this probably isn't the correct chat to post but seems to get a lot of traffic and really need advice. My 15 year old daughter has a job as a waitress in a local restaurant. My exh partner knows the owner and got her the job. She told me tonight that she wants to quit, which I am fine with. When she messaged her dad, he was annoyed that she was quitting her job without giving a reason. She became very upset and told me that an older male member of staff there makes her feel really uncomfortable. He asks her questions about her boyfriend and has said things like "don't forget I'm your number one". He has also touched her waist and shoulder numerous times without her consent. She will obviously never be going back there again. But what can I do, if anything? Can I go to the police? I am so upset for her and feel like I've let her down for letting her work there in the first place. I'm going to speak to her dad about it tomorrow.

@Jemski39 How about you or your daughter contacting
https://www.stopitnow.org.uk/?

They can help with resources or support or reporting.

I am shocked at the number of posters downplaying this — it was clearly inappropriate, sexually predatory behaviour by an adult man towards a young girl. A child, FFS. If this were my daughter there is not a chance I’d let the scumbag get away with not being reported to the police (whether or not they’d pursue it is another matter).

I'm so glad your daughter has you to advocate for her in this horrible situation, @Jemski39. Seeing how you deal with it will give her the confidence to do the same in the future.

It’s sad how common this is.. teenage boys don’t have to put up with this shit from older women.

They do but that's another matter as they can't get pregnant and also are likely to be blamed in different ways from girls ("lucky boy" and so on).

I cannot believe the sheer amount of stupid women/parents on this thread.

An older man is touching a minor without her consent!!! It's sexual harassment! I work in safeguarding, so for the love of God call the police!

Net mums really makes me want to gouge out my own eyes sometimes.

What a stupid comment. There are grown women who find it difficult to handle unwanted attention. It’s perfectly normal that a 15 year old experiencing this behaviour from an adult male would feel completely out of their depth. An adult needs to deal with this situation, not a 15 year old.

It's sexual harassment, so an option would be to report this to her line manager/HR/the restaurant owner. She could also report this to the police, as unwanted sexual touching is a criminal offence and unwanted touching that isn't sexual is assault.

Whether she actually wants to pursue either of these options is up to her. It can be a hard fight to win.

It's not a stupid comment, so don't be so bloody rude.

The correct Adult to deal with this, was her employer, she's a working 15-year-old not a five-year-old. She needs to be taught how to deal with it not just hand in her resignation.

Heavens why do men think it’s ok to touch women/girls back/shoulders/waste/butt dirty old dogs should just keep their grubby paws to themselves!!
I hope your lass is ok x

Because she is underage age I would actually report it to non emergency police. It could be he has other things against him. And if not yet he may have in the future and it would be helpful.

Normally sexual harassment isn’t a crime in most cases. And it probably isn’t this time but the age for me thinks it is worth speaking to someone.

It definitely needs reporting to the manager/hr as well

Your dd has done the right thing he was obviously trying it on slowly. this has been happening for centuries it’s never going to change but at least dd has seen that it’s wrong and definitely tell the owner men think they are so irresistible that the female species just can’t resist them. It pisses me off it’s always the girl or woman that suffers. Doesn’t matter what job someone has to be touchy, feely like it’s ok. It’s not ok. why can’t men understand this is not how females want to be treated. Arghhh.

Yes, and since the OP's dd is only 15, that makes him a paedophile as well.

OMG. Are you serious are you female? she’s underage no matter where it took place why should any age female have to put up with this shit doesn’t matter where he touches her he has no right too. I hope you don’t have any daughters. Men need to understand women or girls don’t want to be touched by just anyone. You need your head testing if you think this is ok and the fact she’s 15 she can quit and report it to her mum first. Her mother can deal with this as she’s a CHILD.

When you read appalling responses like let a child sort out being sexually harrassed, you really understand the stories that are on MN where some awful parents really didn't care at all about their children and let them struggle in any situation.

This is a police matter.

There's another thread running written about touchy feely men in the workplace.
She's mid 40s and asking advice on how to deal with it.
Of course a 15 year old needs help to navigate this.
The man in his 50s touching the 15yr old should be ashamed of himself.

Bloody hell there are grown women on this site who can't even open their own front doors, and then there are certain people here suggesting that a 15 year old child should be able to tackle a sleazy pervert by herself.

Sorry but if this was my kid, I'd be down there ASAP, having a serious Come-To-Jesus conversation with Mr Handsy, and possibly using words like "sex offender," and "paedophile " very clearly in earshot of other people. See how he likes being humiliated for once.

This. With your support if necessary, she should speak up, leaving just means she's lost out, he "wins" and might continue to harass other girls and your daughter isn't learning to advocate for herself or building resilience.

Yes, of course I'm serious
Yes, I'm female

She only told her mum because her dad was cross with her and made her cry because she wouldn't say why she was quitting.

It does 15 year-old no good to make out like they're five or 10-year-olds. Your job as a parent is to guide them and help them grow up not wrap them in cotton wool.

She's old enough to be out in the big wide world by herself, she's old enough to be working, she's only a few months off to legally being able to consent to having sex, she's old enough to be told that the correct thing to do wasn't just to chuck her job in but to talk to a manager. No reason her mum could have supported her doing this, but she didn't choose to tell her mum either she was put in a position where she was trying to stop her dad being cross with her.

She is still a child it’s not like it was her boyfriend who was doing this. it was was a male colleague who she probably doesn’t even know that well. Yes she’s 15 still a child but being touched up in the workplace is not the normal thing for a 15 year old to go through. Definitely shouldn’t have to. The colleague must have known she was a schoolgirl. He could be a peadophile for all you know. She was probably upset that she let her dad down but under the circumstances quitting was the best decision then work out what to do about it. If she was in school would that be ok if her teacher was touching her.

'Touched up'. Clearly, that phrase has lost all meaning these days.

And I don't think you understand the meaning of paedophile either

A teacher is in an entirely different position than a coworker.

No quitting wasn't the best response, speaking to her manager would have been the best response, failing that speaking to her parents and getting them to help her speak to a manager. Her giving up her job and losing out on an opportunity, it's not the best option.

Maybe if you had a daughter you might have a different opinion. being touched anywhere on the body unless you gave permission is inappropriate. you might as well say anytime a girl is touched in the shop or on the bus is ok. hey fellas knock yourself out touch anyone you want. Not inappropriate at all. God help us.

Don’t be so ridiculous! She hasn’t worked there for two years! You have to have worked somewhere for 2 years or more to claim anything!

Absolutely this.

Honestly OP, i understand this instinct and I could imagine myself and my very calm measured husband being likewise.

But I 100% would be reporting this to the owner with a heads up it iz being reported to 101.

No way would I not be causing an almighty stink over this.