To speak to my neighbour's about her disabled child?

[RootsBeforeTheFruits]

OK I've named changed....

I've recently moved house and have been at the new house about 9 months, for the first few months next door was empty and being renovated. Once it finished it was quickly rented out to my current neighbour's. She's a nice enough woman we have a gab in passing, she had a son with additional needs.

Here's the problem ....it's a terraced style house and he frequently bangs shit out of the walls, in the day I don't mind as much it's the day, but he bangs well into the night i don't mean the odd tapping it's actually shaking our walls. It frequently wakes my children up in the night and they've been extra tired in school.

Do I speak to her about it, i explain to the children that he has additional needs and more than likely can't help this behavior, I really don't know what to do

"The LA won't even provide a school place for many of them."

Yes my son has been out of school since last summer.

I would have a word. She needs to be redirecting him and making an effort to let her child know what is and isn’t acceptable because he is capable of learning despite his issues (I have experience with my niece). You and your family shouldn’t be suffering because of this. I get he has additional needs and what not but sometimes this is an excuse just to let kids do as they please without boundaries being put in and letting them crack in despite the impact their behaviour has on others. This child is going to need such boundaries if he has a chance at coping and regulating properly when he’s older.

It’s a recommended medication for autism. The child has to under be under specialist care.

This!!!

Its clear from your very ignorant answer you dont understand what severe autism is if you did you would know not every one is capable of learning and can understand redirection.

At this level of disability specialists are involved.

Not al all times ,they are only involved for specific issues ,once those issues are resolved they will discharge the child.

"At this level of disability specialists are involved."

You mean they have will have seen a paediatrician once.

Actually I do know. Unlike you I don’t have to shout down others with you don’t know all the time. Yes I know exactly about autism. There is no excuse for causing no sleep for the neighbours.

DC has severe autism. We have been discharged from all NHS services as it has been agreed there is nothing else that can be done. Any existing need is met via EHCP (special school) and the Early Help services which funds a few hours respite. Not even social services are interested and trust me, there is a lot going on with my child and their high needs. 'disability specialists' - what on earth are these? You really do not have the foggiest clue what the reality looks like. Manifesting magic unicorns doesn't make them real!!!!!

I’ve not thought of unicorns. Is this something you’ve tried? Do you think that the op should put up and shut up? From your laughing emoji further down I feel sorry for your neighbours if you have neighbours.

Its a huge spectrum i doubt you know all the different presentations and nuances of autism.

"Yes I know exactly about autism. There is no excuse for causing no sleep for the neighbours."

But you don't know this teenagers autism. Could you describe my teenagers autism?

As a mum who has a 14 year old daughter who is non verbal and autistic, I would want my neighbour to come and speak to me about this.
My dd doesn’t bang walls and thankfully sleeps well the majority of the time. However when she has a meltdown in the day she can seriously stamp her feet, and when she does it upstairs it makes an awful sound throughout the house.

Neighbours next door must be able to hear it. I’ve spoken to them multiple times and have apologized, and also made them aware that we do try to stop it asap so that it doesn’t continue. Next door are amazing, and say they don’t hear her often and are very understanding.

Maybe your neighbour doesn’t realise it’s having such an impact on you & your family x

I have answered this question so many times. Is there something wrong with your reading comprehension???

Yes. I know. Causing suffering to others is not part of the condition though. The op shouldn’t be suffering.

Check you with your reading comprehension statement.

Your neice may be able to learn but not all can. This is a teenage boy, at a specialist schools its likely many strategies have already been tried. Yes the family need support, it may be adaptations to the home or a more suitable home, but as has been reiterated many times on this thread, none of this is easy to get. The services are underfunded slow, beaurocratuc, croteria are strict snd it's an exhausting fight. If the OP also pushes the council (ideally speaking with her neighbour about this too) this may help but is also still likely to be slow and may not result in much being done.

We all feel sympathetic for the Osp, it is not fair that this noise is disturbing them but there are no quick fixes, it's not her or her neighbours fault that there is so little support for families in this situation. No one shoukd have to fight this hard for support for their child but it is the reality for families with durability not just autism but all manner of disabilities and it continues on throughout life.

Even once you get support they constantly try to take it away. I know a family who now have an amazing term time place for their autistic, LD, PDA child BUT every year they have to fight to ensure it continues. It has been life changing for the child who was at risk of going into emergency care due to behaviours. He now has round clock support, 2:1 and is doing amazingly as all staff are PDA trained, he is in bespoke setting, with a team of staff. And with needs being met behaviours reduced, that then try to take it away 🙄 as soon as you reduce support it all falls apart. But every year they go through a rigmarole of sending the EHCP to different settings including msinstream (which would never be suitable child is 17 and has been in 3 specialist settings since age 6, it toon them until age 14 to find the one that works). The fight the family have had to get support and then to keep it in place. This is in a case where they were hurting parents, siblings ended up at a&e a real risk to life, it was that extreme due to overwhelm caused by being in the wrong school!

I do wonder how much people understand of the realities faced by families snd how hard it is to get any support, it really is not a case of needing to parent better and teach these children. It's about getting needs met, supports, adaptations. Even getting a decent sensory OT assessments is impossible in some areas of the country, I am in norfolk snd had to pay privately for one, even then I had to fight to get the county council to accept it and put the recommendations into child's EHCP.

I work in a complex needs school with children like the boy described, they fight daily to help families get support.

No but realistically its a difficult and complex situation that cant be solved easily ,saying a solution must be found doesnt really help anyone.

What do you suggest for the op?

Sometimes not even that. My son at 9 is now hopefully going get a named paediatric consultant, only because tics and seizures, his behaviour (distressed) at that app meant they have now got LD team snd play therapists in to help manage the procedures he needs, mri, lumbar puncture, eeg. But he has actually never been seen by nhs paediatric, his diagnosises asd, pda, complex snd profound sensory processing issues I had to put on a credit card as he has been waiting since he was 5. Initial referral at age 4 turned down because.. covid...

My experience and that of families I work with is not unusual, this is the reality.

I got a nice leaflet directing me to a few websites for support.. ie nothing at all from.the nhs. Early help cant help, social care won't help.

Even for complex and severe needs there are minimal services and it's a fight for everything.

To move tbh as in reality its essier to tske herself and her children away from the situation than waiting a long time for solution ,s that might never be available.

Same.

No, we can't describe your teenager's autism or an elderly person's dementia or any other medical condition or disability that could lead to someone making antisocial noise at all hours of the day and night. The fact is though, there is an overriding right for all of us to be able to enjoy our home without putting up with unreasonable levels of nuisance noise irrespective of the cause. I have mentioned countless times that Councils will list what constitutes a statutory nuisance when it comes to noise and the ordinary day to day noises that would be exempt from this rule. A disabled person banging the wall continuously until the early hours of the morning is not an exemption. This is because fundamentally the emphasis is on the level of disruption and distress is causes people to live next to a noise nuisance rather than the cause of the nuisance.

Before people accuse me of being ableist, it is well known that lots of disabilities cause people to be highly sensitive to noise. The noise nusiance laws exist to protect disabled people too from noise that will cause a great deal of distress and harm to them. Just because Betty next door has dementia this doesn't mean a child with ASD should have to suffer her screaming at all hours of the night.

"No, we can't describe your teenager's autism "

Well that poster seemed to think they knew all about and how to manage behaviours of mine and every other autistic teenager.