To speak to my neighbour's about her disabled child?

[RootsBeforeTheFruits]

OK I've named changed....

I've recently moved house and have been at the new house about 9 months, for the first few months next door was empty and being renovated. Once it finished it was quickly rented out to my current neighbour's. She's a nice enough woman we have a gab in passing, she had a son with additional needs.

Here's the problem ....it's a terraced style house and he frequently bangs shit out of the walls, in the day I don't mind as much it's the day, but he bangs well into the night i don't mean the odd tapping it's actually shaking our walls. It frequently wakes my children up in the night and they've been extra tired in school.

Do I speak to her about it, i explain to the children that he has additional needs and more than likely can't help this behavior, I really don't know what to do

Absolutely. The op must he shattered as are her kids and here she’s told to offer the neighbour respite care. Social services, environmental health reporting needs to be done instead of respite care.

She can ask her doctor for ideas. She can ask the autism charity for ideas.

The mother of the disabled child will have far more control over the situation than OP. She will have options. Maybe options she doesn't like or want to use but they will be available for her.

@Bumpitybumper what options???

How does the OP have more control then? Is she the legal guardian of the neighbours child? Does she own the house the neighbours live in? The parent of the child making noise has the responsibility here and there can act. Options are available as stated through this thread. The only thing that the op can do is advocate for her kids rights by complaining about environmental noise pollution.

I don't question the fact that OP has little control. I just wondered what all these options are which the neighbour has...

I edited and answered your question before I saw it as such

"throughout the thread"? these are mainly non options. Can you list the actual options?

Gosh, this resonates with a similar situation we found ourselves in when we moved house.

Neighbours son had additional needs and his mum sought respite in allowing him to game with his headset literally all night which echoed through our bedroom and beyond. He'd also jumped around in excitement and the house too would shake. She used to go to bed and put in her earplugs. However, we couldn't do this as our kids were small and sometimes needed us in the night so we needed to hear them.

After months of deliberating, we finally spoke to her about it with great sensitivity but she wasn't compassionate in the slightest and twisted it so that we were the ones with the issue. We ended up moving because we couldn't cope with it anymore.

Please do try and speak to her about it because you shouldn't have to put up with this and your're entitled to sleep. But also take into consideration she might not be receptive to you 'complaining' about her son.

Good luck OP.

I’m not your secretary - have a read through.

Because you know well there isn't much (or any) help in the current climate the family is likely to be able to get...

You speak for yourself not me. Do you think that the op should put up with the noise?

"Options are available as stated through this thread."

By people who have never had a severely autistic teenager.

Are you saying that medication and respite care are lies? Do you cause your neighbours untenable noise ?

No, I don't think so but having a child with very complex needs I also have a lot of first hand experiences with the system that is meant to support us and - newsflash - there is next to nothing. I am just realistic. I would consider moving as I know that there won't be much that can or will be done. The child cannot control it's behaviours. There is nothing that can be done. The LA won't fund a detached house. Adaptations can only do so much and will likely try to wiggle out in any case... not sure what you think actual help the family with the disabled child can access which would make a difference to the OP? I feel for the oP and would not want to live like that but I am also painfully aware that in reality (even though this doesn't appear fair) the only one who can make a change that will make a difference is the OP herself - by moving. It's not about what's right or wrong but about what is realistic and achievable. You clearly do not have much (or any) experience caring for a child with severe needs and fighting the system for support. I don't blame you. If I wouldn't have to fight the system myself, I couldn't possibly imagine how difficult things are these days. HTH.

"Are you saying that medication and respite care are lies? Do you cause your neighbours untenable noise ?"

There is no medication to stop banging on walls and respite care would be a couple of nights a month (if you are lucky). Many LAs now provide nothing.

Potentially moving the child's room to a room with no adjoining walls. Doing the million and one suggestions on this thread regarding padding, helmets, diversions etc. She will undoubtedly be receiving quite a lot of money from the state due to her child's disability whilst OP will be entitled to none of this. The person best placed to tackle the issue is the neighbour and not OP.

If none of the above works then the child is clearly inappropriately housed and the neighbour must seek alternatives. This may involve specialist placements or simply looking for. Semi detached or end terraced house that has a room the disabled child can use.

OP must advocate for her own family. Move if she can but also pursue other available options including seeking formal action from the LA.

Are you saying that even when asleep from meditation that the kid would be banging on the wall? Melatonin is part of autism care.

"Are you saying that even when asleep from meditation that the kid would be banging on the walks?"

Sleep medication isn't a sedative. There are lots of children it doesn't work for.

Melatonin isn't some magic potion.

Good to try it out though. The doctors would have options for sleep meds.

Do you really think the parent won't have already tried melatonin? Do you have any experience of looking after a severely
disabled teen in this climate? The LA won't even provide a school place for many of them.

"Good to try it out though. The doctors would have options for sleep meds."

GPs cannot prescribe melatonin because it is off licence for children. It would have to be done by a paediatrician and they are reluctant to prescribe it. There has been a large move away from trying to medicate severe autism including drugs prescribed by psychiatrists.

How much respite care do you think is available? ,i consider us fortunate that we get a package of respite but in reality it is one or two days a week in the school holidsys at a special needs play scheme 9-3
Every other saturday at the same scheme for five hours and two overnights a month
As for melatonin it doesnt work for every child and its supoosed to help a child get to sleep not keep them asleep .

Do you think it acceptable to be causing noise at night that means no sleep for the neighbours?

Do you know how hard it is to get to someone who can prescribe melatonin? You can't just walk into your GP and ask for it.

I've been trying for years for my son.

It's a massive failure of the system for sure, but it's just not as simplistic as "trying medication".