Why do people hate big families?

[FluffyPaw]

I have 4 children and my sister has 3 children. We often go out together in the holidays in DHs minibus.

Last week we went to the forest (national park, lots for kids to do). We pulled up and as we started getting out I noticed a couple who were sat on the grass with a toddler roll their eyes at each other. Another family started packing up and moved further away - making a scene of how put out they were. There was no bad language from us, no shouting - the kids were excited yes but no misbehaving. Did we really deserve such a frosty welcome?

yesterday we went to a farm - again clearly designed with kids in mind, huge play area, food to feed the animals, an area in the woods for kids to build dens - so not designed to be a quiet place by any means.

We pulled up and as we started walking towards the ticket office I saw a woman literally look us up and down and say to her husband “we timed this wrong”. He didn’t respond but didn’t look happy either. The kids were excited and chatting, again not misbehaving.

later we went to the play area and obviously the kids were excited and running. An older lady picked up who I assumed to be a grandchild and said “come on before you get knocked flying by this lot”. I nicely said to her “don’t worry, they won’t knock her over, they’re gentle with small children” and she literally blanked me and stormed off.

Why do people hate large families?? It’s really made me quite sad. Meant to be going to a stately home tomorrow and I’m already dreading it.

It's not 4 kids, it's 7! OP's kids plus their cousins. 6 boys and a girl.

To be honest, I would probably move too. Nothing to do with hating big families. It's just a big group can be a bit overwhelming and noisy when you are spending time with DH and a couple of little ones.

To be honest, I would probably move too. Nothing to do with hating big families. It's just a big group can be a bit overwhelming and noisy when you are spending time with DH and a couple of little ones.

I'm the youngest of five.

I'd move away - not just because there's a natural inclination to hunt as a pack (food, activities, space) or because of the sheer noise level, but because the alternative to that is listening to a parent who controls the herd through fear.

People don't hate big families, but they do dislike badly behaved children. For some people their definition of badly behaved unfortunately includes noisy 😒

Shitty nasty thing to say. My parents have never wanted to know me after having me young then hating each other and my serious health disorder meant I could only have one child. It can be distressing when I’m on my own at Christmas and holidays seeing large families. Thanks for pointing out I’ll be never have your happiness.

I don’t hate big families. I find large groups of people a bit annoying in general because they tend to take over. From your post it sounds like there were four adults and seven kids in your group. I don’t think many people who are chilling quietly are mad keen on having 11 people rock up right next to them.

I do hate families, of any size, who plonk themselves right next to you on a beach / picnic area / park when there’s plenty of room to spread out (which there must have been if the other people got up and moved away).

I’ve never seen that, or done that. However, 7 kids in a oner (and 6 boys!) is a lot and yes, maybe they are not as quiet and well behaved as you feel they are… Even if they are, 7 kids talking, etc, are quite understandably noisy and some people, probably myself included tbh, would choose to move away for peace.

Hahahahahahahaha! I can assure you that the one emotion I have never felt around a big group of people with kids is jealousy. If anything it’s more likely to be schadenfreude.

I don’t mind anyone having large families if they can afford them and don’t expect hand outs from the state or a large council house. Sadly I was brought up in the 70s near one or two large families where the children were left to their own devices and older girls skipped school to help look after younger ones.

Well that's a shame. Sounds like the others are an entitled snooty bunch, who expect a certain amount of exclusivity. For all they know, the seven children could be from various parents. Even though many of our parents and grandparents are from large families, they're going out of fashion now, I think mainly due to the pressures that are put on budgets and local services and I suppose national living space. If it's difficult to own your own house today, unless we cover the country in houses I can't bear to think of the state of things when many of these children are adults.

Ah don’t worry. About it, I often holiday as a solo female and boy does that offend!!

just enjoy your day and leave them to their tutting! You’ll be having fun and enjoying your family - if they were enjoying the same they wouldn’t even notice you!

I'm a large family. At the beach last year. Another family came and sat so close to us. Their towel was a thumb width away. Why would someone even want to sit that close.

My personal opinion is I don't see how each child can get the time, love and attention they each need when it is a large family.

I don’t know you but I’m like your friend 🤣.

So they are loud then…

I think it’s possible the kids are a bit more excited than you realize. My sister has 6 kids and I have 4 but we are in the USA and I think people are less judgy here

@FluffyPaw you might be misunderstanding their reasons... If I'm out with my father we will relocate away from a large group of children as he has tinnitus and excited loud noises are physically painful to him. Similarly I have an autistic nephew and we might look to relocate somewhere calmer when we are with him if we see a big group show up. Neither would be intended as a judgement on family size or the behaviour of your kids.

Define “excited” OP as per your opening post. I bet 7 “excited” children were making a hell of a racket. You’re probably used to the noise level, and sort of blank it out, other people around you not.

Personally I think it’s irresponsible for the planet to have that many children.

also, every single adult I’ve ever spoken to about coming from a large family hated it. Never enough time, attention or resources between them all. Every one of them has deliberately chosen to have max 1 or 2 kids of their own as they want their kids to have a better childhood. They always say their parents go on about “how much fun” it was and how they were “so close” without any idea their kids actually hated sharing rooms, never getting much 1 on 1 time or being expected to help raise younger ones.

anyway, I’m sure lots of parents of large families will be along to give you support. It’s not like you can hand them back now is it. So bash on but yeah, if I saw 7 shouting kids headed my way in one go, I’d be ducking out of the area too.

Sounds like the others are an entitled snooty bunch, who expect a certain amount of exclusivity.

The people eye rolling are being a bit rude, but the ones who just move away aren't being entitled or snooty 🙄. If they're moving because they want peace away from the 11 people who have just piled out of their mini bus then they're just acknowledging that they don't own the place and that the onus is on them to look for another spot. That's the opposite of entitled.

It's not that I hate big families. A few of my friends have 4+ children. It's just... as a parent of an only child, I've noticed that the more children someone has the more "relaxed" they become about appropriate behaviour and noise levels in public.

I'm not for a second saying that I'm super strict. It's just that I'm more likely to notice and reign DD in if she's getting a bit wild or loud. Parents from bigger families seem oblivious to the noise and chaos their kids create.

We move away from bigger families /groups because DD can't cope with big groups or lots of loud noises, and she deserves to enjoy her day too.

It's because they probably correctly expect them to be noisy and annoying

Pomonafluff · Yesterday 20:42
Well that's a shame. Sounds like the others are an entitled snooty bunch, who expect a certain amount of exclusivity. For all they know, the seven children could be from various parents. Even though many of our parents and grandparents are from large families,

Maybe - but perhaps the children in our grandparents' generation would have been brought up to behave less freely and noisily in public?

And you lost me at 'Entitled snooty bunch'. Judgmental?

This basically, I don’t hate big families at all - my mum is one of 7 and I’m one of 3 but I find that “many” big families now tend to just take over spaces like playgrounds or activities and there isn’t really a consideration of personal space/ noise levels for everyone else.

I’m finding this whole thread quite sad.

’A bit loud’ ‘overwhelming’ ‘my child can’t cope with play noises or too many kids’

Too many, there’s 6??? I find this thread quite sad. It’s only the last 30/40 years that 6 children is seen as a huge overwhelming crowd capable of causing distress and migraines.

Look at any video from 1900 onwards and huge gangs of kids are running free, playing and being excitable, and nobody looks on the verge of a nervous breakdown about it.

I feel like on one hand people constantly post about being lonely and having no village and how life is now so sterile, on the other they’re complaining about a small handful of kids excited about a day out and saying their only child ‘can’t cope with the noise’.

I wonder how much the lack of community and tolerance for others is playing into the child anxiety epidemic where kids seem unable to tolerate anything or socialise appropriately