Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do people hate big families?

281 replies

FluffyPaw · 16/04/2025 19:33

I have 4 children and my sister has 3 children. We often go out together in the holidays in DHs minibus.

Last week we went to the forest (national park, lots for kids to do). We pulled up and as we started getting out I noticed a couple who were sat on the grass with a toddler roll their eyes at each other. Another family started packing up and moved further away - making a scene of how put out they were. There was no bad language from us, no shouting - the kids were excited yes but no misbehaving. Did we really deserve such a frosty welcome?

yesterday we went to a farm - again clearly designed with kids in mind, huge play area, food to feed the animals, an area in the woods for kids to build dens - so not designed to be a quiet place by any means.

We pulled up and as we started walking towards the ticket office I saw a woman literally look us up and down and say to her husband “we timed this wrong”. He didn’t respond but didn’t look happy either. The kids were excited and chatting, again not misbehaving.

later we went to the play area and obviously the kids were excited and running. An older lady picked up who I assumed to be a grandchild and said “come on before you get knocked flying by this lot”. I nicely said to her “don’t worry, they won’t knock her over, they’re gentle with small children” and she literally blanked me and stormed off.

Why do people hate large families?? It’s really made me quite sad. Meant to be going to a stately home tomorrow and I’m already dreading it.

OP posts:
anon666 · 17/04/2025 21:30

Jealousy. Enjoy your lovely family in the knowledge that they will bring you more happiness than these people will ever have the privilege of. 🥰

Youagain2025 · 17/04/2025 21:33

FluffyPaw · 16/04/2025 19:33

I have 4 children and my sister has 3 children. We often go out together in the holidays in DHs minibus.

Last week we went to the forest (national park, lots for kids to do). We pulled up and as we started getting out I noticed a couple who were sat on the grass with a toddler roll their eyes at each other. Another family started packing up and moved further away - making a scene of how put out they were. There was no bad language from us, no shouting - the kids were excited yes but no misbehaving. Did we really deserve such a frosty welcome?

yesterday we went to a farm - again clearly designed with kids in mind, huge play area, food to feed the animals, an area in the woods for kids to build dens - so not designed to be a quiet place by any means.

We pulled up and as we started walking towards the ticket office I saw a woman literally look us up and down and say to her husband “we timed this wrong”. He didn’t respond but didn’t look happy either. The kids were excited and chatting, again not misbehaving.

later we went to the play area and obviously the kids were excited and running. An older lady picked up who I assumed to be a grandchild and said “come on before you get knocked flying by this lot”. I nicely said to her “don’t worry, they won’t knock her over, they’re gentle with small children” and she literally blanked me and stormed off.

Why do people hate large families?? It’s really made me quite sad. Meant to be going to a stately home tomorrow and I’m already dreading it.

I have a large family when we do day trips there could be around 8 of us. Have never had any negative comments or looks.

Hopefully it was a one of . And it won't happen again . Or for several years. Do t worry about it . Long as you know you were doing no wrong. And just enjoying your day leave it at that .

JoyousEagle · 17/04/2025 21:36

anon666 · 17/04/2025 21:30

Jealousy. Enjoy your lovely family in the knowledge that they will bring you more happiness than these people will ever have the privilege of. 🥰

But you can’t actually think that everyone is jealous of those with lots of children? Plenty of people actively choose to not have more because they don’t want them.

Soontobesingles · 17/04/2025 21:57

How old are your kids. To be fair it’s really annoying when children who are too old for a toddler type play area charge in and take over. Sounds like you are being quite inconsiderate of the fact public spaces are shared and not designed for the sole use of your family.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 17/04/2025 21:59

anon666 · 17/04/2025 21:30

Jealousy. Enjoy your lovely family in the knowledge that they will bring you more happiness than these people will ever have the privilege of. 🥰

Why on earth would anyone be jealous of something they didn't actively want??

That's just silly.

I have three children. In different circumstances I might have considered 4, but in hindsight it would have been madness and our family is exactly the right size!

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 17/04/2025 22:05

Ivymom · 17/04/2025 19:06

I have five kids and have been on the receiving end of bad assumptions upon arrival. When my kids were small, my DH worked away every other week. This meant I was usually taking the kids places on my own. Unfortunately, most people have encountered large families of unruly children who don’t seem bothered to actually parent them, so some of them assume all large families will be that way. People also assume that any children will be disruptive, so large families make them nervous.

I can’t say none of my children ever misbehaved in public because they were children who behaved appropriately to their ages. What most people don’t realize is that most larger families have to plan more carefully, be more prepared and have a tighter reign on their children. Otherwise, things can devolve into a chaotic mess that makes going anywhere miserable.

I remember one specific vacation we took. Our youngest was only a few months old and our oldest was about 7. The place we traveled to had laws about how many people/sq ft were allowed in a hotel room. This was before Airbnb’s were really a thing. We ended up renting a suite in a really upscale hotel because that was safer and more economical than getting multiple rooms in a cheaper hotel. At check in, the staff member warned us that if we were disruptive, they would have to ask us to leave. A couple of days later, they were complimenting our children on their good behavior.

That same trip, we booked a meal at an upscale restaurant. They didn’t have a children’s menu, so I made arrangements for the kitchen to split a couple of entrees. Again, we were warned at booking that if our children were disruptive, we would be asked to leave. By the end of the meal, other diners were coming up to our table and complimenting our children on their good behavior. The restaurant gave our children complimentary deserts to reward them for behaving.

I learned to not get upset about people’s assumptions. I just did what I needed to do to make our outings enjoyable and successful. The ironic thing is the only time anyone ever said anything negative to us was when we had two children. We were eating at a restaurant that catered to families with small children. One of our DC was telling my husband about a story they heard in Sunday school. They were not raising their voice and were speaking quieter than the lady at the table next to us. That lady came to our table and berated and shouted at my husband for allowing our child to speak while in public. The restaurant staff actually asked her to leave and apologized to us for her rudeness.

Is your surname Walton by any chance😁???

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 17/04/2025 22:08

creamandcookies2 · 17/04/2025 19:59

I would have to agree with you OP. My sister has 6 and has told me about many dirty looks she receives, my mum had 4 and she got told off from her family for being pregnant the fourth time in her 40s. I have 3 which I wouldn't class as a big family at all, but the amount of uninvited comments I received about three being too many was a real eye-opener, especially as I already had one of each. My MIL was particularly nasty, and said my late FIL would have told us how stupid we were! I think people tend to think one or two children makes up the respectable middle-class families, while any more than that is seen as irresponsible.

I've got three and I've never had a single comment!

Most of my friends and family have two.

WanderInMyTime · 17/04/2025 22:13

Parents of larger families almost inevitably have a higher tolerance for chatter, bickering and general child "noise" than, say, the parents of an only child. It's pretty self-selecting. Even if the children are generally well-behaved, they'll make more noise than a smaller group. I wouldn't actually say anything but I'd definitely not be keen on being near a big group of kids like that.

LePetitMaman · 17/04/2025 22:13

Walkingwithdinosaurs · 16/04/2025 19:39

That’s a lot of comments in a very short space of time… looks like you might be louder and more disruptive than you think.

Yes this.

I've got 3DC. My friend has 7, all boys! We don't have people move or eye roll when we approach or set up a picnic etc. I was complemented on their behaviour in a barbershop the other day as they all sat waiting for littlest DS to get a trim.

Just because you aren't swearing and being outrageously rude doesn't mean you're not disruptive. It sounds like you are minimising how your group behaves because to consistently get that reaction, you're the common denominator.

I have another friend with one DC, a girl who shrieks at fucking nothing all the time and it goes through you. Now she gets constant glares. My friend would say "it's their problem, it's what children do.". No no. It's what some children are allowed to do when their parents have got no respect or consideration for where they are and the other people within that space.

Ivymom · 17/04/2025 22:16

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 17/04/2025 22:05

Is your surname Walton by any chance😁???

Show quote history

No.

Jennifershuffles · 17/04/2025 22:23

There are a lot of misanthropes about and even more that specialise in small people.

CrispieCake · 17/04/2025 22:23

I'm jealous of large families (up to around 4/5 kids, beyond that I do secretly wonder whether it's the parents or older kids doing the parenting) - I always think they take the party with them without needing extras 😂!

Cornishclio · 17/04/2025 22:45

7 children all excited sounds noisy. That might be overwhelming for some children.

CiaoMeow · 17/04/2025 22:46

I love big families! I wish I had one. Having said that, if I was out and enjoying a quiet, relaxing time, reading or talking with someone, and 7 children turned up I'd probably move to somewhere else because you expect children to be noisy. Nothing personal.

Epli · 17/04/2025 22:50

I think you underestimate the level of noise because you are used to it. 7 children mostly boys will be loud, no matter how well behaved. I understand your children are gentle will small kids, but in reality most boys in groups will be engrossed in their play and won't pay attention to smaller kids, won't think about their comfort etc. Especially if they arrive in a group of 7.

Oh and with noise it's the same with adults - if I wanted quiet afternoon in the park I would move if a group of adults arrived.

Ketzele · 18/04/2025 00:06

Do people really hate large families? I have 19 aunts and uncles (the youngest my age) so I'm pretty used to them. Am inclined to agree with others that it's the ratio of adults to children that's the issue. Same as when a crowd of kids on a school trip get onto your train; even if they are behaving reasonably the experience is intense and you're secretly relieved when they get off.

Flibberteegibbet · 18/04/2025 02:48

FluffyPaw · 16/04/2025 19:33

I have 4 children and my sister has 3 children. We often go out together in the holidays in DHs minibus.

Last week we went to the forest (national park, lots for kids to do). We pulled up and as we started getting out I noticed a couple who were sat on the grass with a toddler roll their eyes at each other. Another family started packing up and moved further away - making a scene of how put out they were. There was no bad language from us, no shouting - the kids were excited yes but no misbehaving. Did we really deserve such a frosty welcome?

yesterday we went to a farm - again clearly designed with kids in mind, huge play area, food to feed the animals, an area in the woods for kids to build dens - so not designed to be a quiet place by any means.

We pulled up and as we started walking towards the ticket office I saw a woman literally look us up and down and say to her husband “we timed this wrong”. He didn’t respond but didn’t look happy either. The kids were excited and chatting, again not misbehaving.

later we went to the play area and obviously the kids were excited and running. An older lady picked up who I assumed to be a grandchild and said “come on before you get knocked flying by this lot”. I nicely said to her “don’t worry, they won’t knock her over, they’re gentle with small children” and she literally blanked me and stormed off.

Why do people hate large families?? It’s really made me quite sad. Meant to be going to a stately home tomorrow and I’m already dreading it.

I’m really sorry you’ve had this experience. I have loads of nephews/nieces/great nephews/great nieces so we’re used to the chaos they bring.

Sadly we were only able to have one child and we got berated from families (including my siblings and inlaws) with loads of kids for only having one ‘lonely only’ child.

I say ignore the haters and just do your own thing, there are always misery guts who love to bring other people down.

CleanShirt · 18/04/2025 05:44

anon666 · 17/04/2025 21:30

Jealousy. Enjoy your lovely family in the knowledge that they will bring you more happiness than these people will ever have the privilege of. 🥰

Nope.

Catterpillarsflipflops · 18/04/2025 06:54

One person's excitement is another person's feral.

I hate groups of unruly children. People are often unaware of how noisy and chaotic their kids are.

Strikeback · 18/04/2025 08:16

DSIS and I were talking about this the other day. We both only have one, and that's due to circumstances rather than choice. I think it's that large families, through no fault of their own, always look like they're having fun, a big gang etc and for me yes there is an element of envy and failure as my child doesn't love being an only. But that's on me and not you.

SpringSunshineanddaffodils · 18/04/2025 08:28

I suspect its nothing to do with your children and everything to do with it being school Holidays.
People who are used to having these places to themselves IE: childless people or people with preschool aged kids, can get a shock when they go along to a place they go every week and it's suddenly overrun with school aged children. It's not personal to you.

I remember going along with a 3yo DS to a sofftplay we went to every week without knowing it was school holidays and letting out an audible gasp because it looked so different to the quiet soft play with ample seating I was used to, and I was worried he would be trampled as he wasn't used to kids twice his size.

It doesn't justify people's rudeness one bit, but it's likely to be a grumpiness about having their routines changed than the size of your family. Basically, they're not used to sharing.

Sunflowerz22 · 18/04/2025 08:31

Yea sorry I'd probably move away too. It's nothing personal really, It's just a bit group of kids usually means noise and chaos.

yaysummerisover · 18/04/2025 08:32

I have grown up children so not a child hater by any means. However sorry the parenting and children these days are awful. They are badly behaved and parents just ignore bad behaviour of just keep chatting to themselves whilst kids run riot. Had to move house because children next door were utterly vile and parents wet wipes, unfortunately parents want to be children’s friends and not teach them how to be considerate and respectful of others. They just seem so entitled these days. Wouldn’t dislike big families if children were taught boundaries and acceptable behaviour

SchnizelVonKrumm · 18/04/2025 08:35

Strikeback · 18/04/2025 08:16

DSIS and I were talking about this the other day. We both only have one, and that's due to circumstances rather than choice. I think it's that large families, through no fault of their own, always look like they're having fun, a big gang etc and for me yes there is an element of envy and failure as my child doesn't love being an only. But that's on me and not you.

I think you are projecting a bit there. People aren't rolling their eyes / moving away from the OP's family because of envy, it's because they think the children are being too noisy.

MiserableMrsMopp · 18/04/2025 08:37

TeenLifeMum · 16/04/2025 19:36

Er… are your lot a bit rough? I have 3 dc and best friend has 4, we’ve never had any reactions like that. I did have a guy who I knew but not well come up and tell me I was the reason they decided to have a 3rd dc, because I made it look easy… I think you just chill out once you have 3 or more.

Edited

I wondered this. The fact that there are so many responses.

Just a bit excited for one child multiplied by 4 could perhaps be loud and disruptive.