To make DS go on a scouts trip so DH and I can have a weekend to ourselves

[JambonetFromage]

It’s finally happened! 8 years of parenting with no family help and both our DC have been invited to away overnight at the same time on respective cubs/scouts trips. Giving DH and I the glorious prospect of a child-free weekend.

But DS 8 doesn’t want go. He is scared of spending the night away - he is been on a previous camp and been scared at night time and didn’t sleep well.

The scouts group he is with is brilliant and organises the most fantastic trips with loads of activities. Going on camps are really the whole point of scouting. So I’m really keen for DS to attend for his own benefit, because I think he will get a lot out of it.

But I would also really really like a weekend with DH!

Would I be unreasonable to talk DS into going on the trip?

Can he go for the day and then you pick him up in the evening?

Regarding all the “snowflake” talk - I’m not the tough-love type however DS has form for wanting to give up on things after one bad experience and talking him round to trying again is something I generally think is important. If I’d just accepted it every time he told me he never wanted to do something again he wouldn’t be able to swim, ride a bike, climb a tree, read a book!

So I think there’s a balance between knowing when something is genuinely not the right thing for them and when they just need to regroup and try again.

Yes he LOVES the camp activities, it’s simply nighttime anxiety that’s the problem.

Bollocks. Are children are different. And develop at different rates. There’s nothing wrong with a child not wanting to spend the night with people who are relative strangers at that age.

How about doing the day so you get the day but not evening?

yes there is a balance and having him at the centre of it is key. I had one like this though and I pushed it too much and it did cause a lot of issues that took time to get right

Ignoring the desire for a child-free night, I’m a bit reluctant to give him the easy option of having the day (which he will without question enjoy) without the night (which is more challenging). I think he needs the incentive of the daytime activities to push him out of his comfort zone.

Also I don’t know if it is a good message to other cubs (some of whom might also have some worries about sleeping) for anyone to have ‘special treatment’. I think you have to go to camp prepared to actually camp.

Anyway, as it stands he is happy to go so fingers crossed it stays that way!

You may find that the day activities and all the camaraderie leaves him wanting to stay afterall ?

It is tricky though - it’s helpful to hear from other parents who feel 8 is young to expect them to be comfortable away overnight. Older DS has skipped off happily to every camp since Beavers without so much as a backward glance so maybe my expectations are skewed.

I would definitely say there is nothing wrong with him wanting be in his own bed at home at 8 years old. I know my brother refused all cubs/scouts or pretty much any organised activity. And he did absolutely fine, went off the uni no problem and is very successful in his career now.

It really depends on the child, and for us, on how well they know and are comfortable with the others going. I had the same - older brother, despite being quite a lot shyer than his younger brother, always totally happy at camps. Younger brother not nearly so up for it - but he will do select ones every now and again if he knows who he’ll be in a tent with and if he really wants to go. Def a good idea to challenge him and encourage him to try new things, but as you’re doing, alongside recognising he’s different from his brother and will have different challenges.

I wouldn’t call camping fun.

That's great. He may still have a wobble but if you're close by, that shouldn't be a problem. I think you've chosen the right way to (potentially) achieve a win-win situation.

Ridiculous. She has already said he’s anxious. They’re allowed to be individuals and have feelings. 8 years old is still very young.

Iv 3 ds through scouting. Older 2 no problems with camps. Younger one different ball game. Highly anxious and had a complete meltdown in middle of the night (luckily I was female cover so staying in different part of the camp and had him delivered to my tent)
Second time he made it through as shared with one of his brothers. Though I was onside again

So I think it's very child dependent.

Scouting mum here! My kid never wanted to attend the weekly meetings let alone camp. I signed him up to everything. He was absolutely fine when he went.

He is now an explorer scout and helps the little ones on camps as a young leader.

we only had to get him once and that’s because the leaders let him gorge himself on smores and he was sick in middle of the night.

because of Covid lots of kids didn’t do overnights when they were younger so it’s now become an issue as they haven’t slept anywhere else

don’t let on that DH and you are heading off as they might feel they are missing out. You need to draw straws to decide who will have alcohol with your meal.

My 8year old daughter is going away with cubs for 4 nights soon (whoop) she wasn’t sure but I arranged a direct call with one of the leaders who talked through what they were going to do.
she’d happily gone to a 1 nights Beavers one but was nervous as she’s not been at cubs for very long x

This, every time, and if it's local and you can take him back in the morning to break camp etc that's great.

Not having family support Is hard, we don't have any either but whilst I'd encourage attending I wouldn't force it, an unhappy experience will mean he's less likely to go again.

My DS was the same at night with scout camps. I sent him with a battery operated night light - only a subtle glow but it lit up as a dinosaur picture. Those he shared the tent with loved it too and it helped with some fears in the tent at night. I obviously sent lots of spare batteries too. I also asked him if he wanted any minecraft figures and there was a small one he wanted - if he tried camp again, he could have one waiting on his return (bribary I know but wanted to encourage him to try again). He really wanted it so focused on that. And if he hated it, he still had something to look forward to. He now willingly goes to camps and really enjoys himself

Omg really

Encouraging is a great idea as is talking through any worries. I've been a volunteer leader on some camps with Cubs and we've tried to support from our side too. I have sometimes called parents in the evening if a child clearly isn't going to settle and is unhappy- usually try to call before the middle of the night as no one wants that! There are often one or two who struggle more than others, and it's just personality and some children being more anxious than others. As a volunteer leader I try to encourage but if a child seems really unhappy and trying to keep them there isn't working, I'd call the parents to collect. Often a year later the same child will be ok and feel able to stay, so it's definitely not forever.

Well done on parenting with no family help, I understand we all need a bit of a break sometimes. I would not force my son to do something against his will . He’s still little and needs to learn that parents listen to his worries and concerns, this forms an emotionally intelligent person. He’s not a young man building career and independent life to challenge himself and step out of comfort zone,he’s still a little kiddo who’s brain is forming and is very sensitive to parent child interactions. We will have them independent in no time and will miss their cuddles, closeness and over reliance on us. If they get all of that now they will grow into emotionally stable adults

My DB was clingy until teenage years, they grow out of it so why traumatise? He won’t be a snowflake.

The issue isn’t about encouraging your child to challenge themselves and grow but the fact you are more focussed on you getting a weekend away. My DD did school trips from year 3. Always nervous going , always came back loving it. But we always promised that if she didn’t like it or was upset or was being isolated, girls being bitchy, we would collect her. That needed us to be at home to live up to the promise (which we never needed to do).

Don’t make him go. This will not be healthy or helpful for him to be pushed into something when he has told you he doesn’t want to go. There may be a really valid reason or just a feeling he has. Listen to him. Listen to him. Get someone to babysit and have a night out instead of

No family help here either .
Eventually husband and myself got 2 nights away when my oldest was 15 and the other 2 were 11 and 8 .
Grandparents eventually helped as a one off
So it’s understandable you’d like a break .
I would gently encourage them to go but not push them / make them go