To make DS go on a scouts trip so DH and I can have a weekend to ourselves

[JambonetFromage]

It’s finally happened! 8 years of parenting with no family help and both our DC have been invited to away overnight at the same time on respective cubs/scouts trips. Giving DH and I the glorious prospect of a child-free weekend.

But DS 8 doesn’t want go. He is scared of spending the night away - he is been on a previous camp and been scared at night time and didn’t sleep well.

The scouts group he is with is brilliant and organises the most fantastic trips with loads of activities. Going on camps are really the whole point of scouting. So I’m really keen for DS to attend for his own benefit, because I think he will get a lot out of it.

But I would also really really like a weekend with DH!

Would I be unreasonable to talk DS into going on the trip?

I’d offer a compromise- say that going to the camp is not negotiable, but that they don’t need to sleepover and that if they want to come home after dinner they can.
Enjoy an afternoon child free and if the cub leaders say that they are still happy to sleepover then consider that a bonus

Did @User2346 touch a nerve? 😬

Would it be possible for him to go just for the day and do the activities?

Or to go with his overnight stuff but with a promise you will get him at any time if it gets too much?

@republicofjam

yes, yes she did. My children didn’t want to go to a scout camp and I encouraged them to go and now they never talk to me and are no contact and I will die all alone in a home.
🙄

Ask him why he is scared of going on the camp. My child was the same but I did encourage him to go on trips and he ended up having a great time. If there is no legitimate reason why he doesn't want to go apart from being nervous about a first trip away then I would encourage him to go. Could you and DH stay nearby so if there were any issues and you have to go to him, then you wouldn't be too far away? Maybe that would reassure him. Hopefully he'll be having too much fun to look for you!

These things are run by volunteers, they have a reasonable expectation that the kids want to be there and can cope with it. They are not your childcare, if your child can’t cope it isn’t fair to expect them to deal with it just so you can have some adult time.

he is not nervous about a first trip away, he went before and HATED it.

I wouldn’t make him go. I was made to stay away from home at that age and I hated it. I cried myself to sleep, and then panicked about having to be away from home until I was fifteen or so. Kindness can build resilience just as much or more than being tough.

'encouraging" is not "making them go" get a grip.

You still have to be ready the whole time in case of emergency or weather changes and needing to pick them up early. This is always a real possibility but much more so with such a young child and one who is reluctant to go. You should stay sober and ready to leave at all times. It;s never as relaxing as you think.

I wouldn't 'make' mine go but would encourage- however I'm not in your situation with childcare and I think you maybe really need this! Could you speak to one of the leaders he's close to? My daughter used to get very nervous at night and struggle to sleep and the leader put an audiobook on her own phone in their tent for a while to help them sleep- wouldn't normally be allowed but it really helped and now she loves going to camp and doesn't need anything like that.

Thinking of the long term, if you push him before he's ready he will never want to go on overnights.

How close is it could he go and spend the days there or could you stay close and pick him up after one night.

Could he build up to it by staying with a friend overnight then you having the friend.

Could you volunteer just this time?

Try not to plan what you will do and don't share with your child that your going on holiday they will see that as more fun.

Kids are 20 and 14 now and 14 year old is off on an exchange abroad and eldest is always away at festivals and in Ibiza. Both hated sleepovers and residentials both are fiercely independent but grateful that I never forced them to go on trips when they were kids and not ready.

He's already tried it and didn't like it - don't be that parent that forces their kids to do stuff they hate!

I'm in the same boat as you so I really understand the lack of child free time. The problem is, the kids that don't go off to family etc for sleepovers just aren't used to it so it's harder. Maybe try early morning to bedtime if possible, still gives you some time but less pressure on your boy

It's not his first trip away, he's been to other camps away and hates them! This isn't a child who is nervous it's a child potentially being forced to do something he hates!

Of you really want it to benefit the child then be a volunteer on the camp. That way there is a safety net and could come home as needed. Scared people don’t enjoy things. I say this as someone who only has husband and after school childminder for help. I understand you want the adult time.
Independence comes from feeling safe and secure. If child goes with one/both of you helping on camp and enjoys it, the next one or the one after will just be both adults at home.

I didn't read that. She said....
He is scared of spending the night away - he is been on a previous camp and been scared at night time and didn’t sleep well.

They haven’t had a break in 8 years, so hold your horses , if you read the post correctly, you would see , OP is asking for advice .
They never leave their children, she was just wondering should she try & talk her little guy into staying or not ..🤷🏻‍♀️
Not a big deal ..
No need for
” tut tut “ attitude PP !

8 is still pretty young - that's only the first year at Cubs. There may be a whole host of reasons why he feels scared. My suggestion is to talk it through with him, see if you can find out exactly what scares him, and if there is anything that can be done to aleviate this (eg, favourite toy, call home before bedtime..). If he can be convinced to go, still give him the option of pulling out if things get too much. That way he can be brave without feeling unsupported. I understand that you would like some child-free time but right now, your DS needs to take priority even if it's only on an emergency level.

And I think that is key he hated it

DD did sleepovers and camps a lot but at 16 much prefers her own bed and her own comforts and that is fine it is a choice.

he isn’t particularly scared he just doesn’t want to go, he isn’t being a snowflake he doesn’t need to build resilience he has tried something and doesn’t like it - which is his choice - I don’t like camping!

post heading isn't "encourage" its "make"

Really good idea 🙌

Oops !!!! 🙈
Maybe it was I that didn’t read correctly 🫣.
If you are reading this OP , GuidingSpirit has great advice !

When is it? Could you and hubby take him and one of his friends that will go with him on a short camp before the weekend? Just to get him comfortable and having a friend that is also going will give him a sense of normalcy. You could really ham it up and make it sound like the most exciting thing ever.