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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make DS go on a scouts trip so DH and I can have a weekend to ourselves

234 replies

JambonetFromage · 16/04/2025 07:12

It’s finally happened! 8 years of parenting with no family help and both our DC have been invited to away overnight at the same time on respective cubs/scouts trips. Giving DH and I the glorious prospect of a child-free weekend.

But DS 8 doesn’t want go. He is scared of spending the night away - he is been on a previous camp and been scared at night time and didn’t sleep well.

The scouts group he is with is brilliant and organises the most fantastic trips with loads of activities. Going on camps are really the whole point of scouting. So I’m really keen for DS to attend for his own benefit, because I think he will get a lot out of it.

But I would also really really like a weekend with DH!

Would I be unreasonable to talk DS into going on the trip?

OP posts:
Aussierose2 · 17/04/2025 22:25

PermanentTemporary · 16/04/2025 07:29

Yes I would talk him into it. Bloody hell, zero family support for 8 years?

Yes I think he might bail out early. Enjoy the first night and breakfast in bed at least. I would have a lovely time and there's a good chance he will too.

There's alot of us out there sadly :(

ForsterMcLennan · 17/04/2025 22:43

LlynTegid · 16/04/2025 07:14

You should try to get him to go, for his sake not yours. You'll end up with a 'snowflake' if he can opt out of things that are a bit difficult.

Oh dear…

ForsterMcLennan · 17/04/2025 22:44

Purpleturtle43 · 16/04/2025 07:22

I would encourage them to push themself out their comfort zone but definitely wouldn't make them go. I don't think anyone should be forced on overnights before they are ready.

Personally I wouldn't have a nice time knowing I had made them so something they weren't comfortable with/ready for. Also not fair on the staff either.

This

Middleagedspreadisreal · 17/04/2025 23:09

You'll have plenty of time to yourselves when they're grown. Don't 'make' him do something he doesn't want to do, it could traumatise him. It's not worth upsetting him for.

IsThistheMiddleofNowhere · 18/04/2025 08:09

If he has good friends in his scout group I would definitely talk him into it or bribe him. 8 isn't that young. My daughters went on an overnighter with their Rainbows group when they 4 but they are twins so they did have each other. However, if he doesn't have close friends in the group then I would be more hesitant about him going.

ViscountessBridgerton · 18/04/2025 08:22

This is the type of thing my parents would have done when I was a kid and it didn't feel good. So no, I wouldn't make him go.

pollymere · 18/04/2025 13:17

If he really didn't enjoy the last one I think it's unfortunately a bit mean to make him go again. You'll end up spending the weekend worrying or having to collect him early.

If you can talk him through why he didn't enjoy it last time and find ways to resolve that, great. Encourage him to go. If not, I think you'll have to just have him not go.

Beenthroughit · 18/04/2025 18:47

My children are grown up now, but we had years of no help from family who were too far away. I promise you if you don't push them to do things when they aren't ready to do them you will not have a snowflake. Mine have traveled the world and done all sorts of exciting things as they grew up. Neither would have been happy at age 8, but a year or so later we're happy to have a go. I think forcing them would have backfired. On occasions their friends came for sleepovers, they didn't all manage to stay the night even several years older, even though home was pretty close. They too have grown into adults who are definitely not snowflakes!

FairKoala · 11/06/2025 10:15

LlynTegid · 16/04/2025 07:14

You should try to get him to go, for his sake not yours. You'll end up with a 'snowflake' if he can opt out of things that are a bit difficult.

You have to build dc’s confidence and not force them to do anything that scares them. Forcing him to go will definitely make him a “snowflake”

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