To make DS go on a scouts trip so DH and I can have a weekend to ourselves

[JambonetFromage]

It’s finally happened! 8 years of parenting with no family help and both our DC have been invited to away overnight at the same time on respective cubs/scouts trips. Giving DH and I the glorious prospect of a child-free weekend.

But DS 8 doesn’t want go. He is scared of spending the night away - he is been on a previous camp and been scared at night time and didn’t sleep well.

The scouts group he is with is brilliant and organises the most fantastic trips with loads of activities. Going on camps are really the whole point of scouting. So I’m really keen for DS to attend for his own benefit, because I think he will get a lot out of it.

But I would also really really like a weekend with DH!

Would I be unreasonable to talk DS into going on the trip?

How exactly do you arrange a sleepover at someone else's house?

Surely you have to wait for an invite?

I think given he’s already tried it and didn’t like it and is still only 8 then yes YABU sorry, although I do completely get how desperate you must be for child free time. 8 is still so little still and he was brave enough to try it once, and is now telling you he didn’t like it and was scared, you have to listen to him.

He’s only 8! Sorry but I’d wait a couple more years until he was ready.

And I know how you feel as we had no family support either and never went away on our own. It sucks but we had no choice. How can you make your child go when they don’t want to?

Also, if he does go and there’s a problem, how will you pick him up if you are away?

Forcing a frightened 8 year old to go on an overnight trip with an organisation internationally famous for attracting paedophiles... Unbelievable.

Morons who use the term snowflake are usually the most offended by ridiculous things like the little mermaid being played by a black woman .

I think 8 is too young. You'll have many children free weekends, weeks, months and you'll be missing your babies and how quickly they grow and leave the nest. Enjoy this time whilst you can.
I do agree trips and camps can be amazing for them to meet new friends, push out of comfort zone and broaden their mind, but not at 8! Bless him 💕

I would respect his wishes and not send him to the camp. I think it's selfish to send him anyway, just so you can have a weekend to yourselves (though I sympathise).

If it was his first ever camp I would maybe make him go and try it in the hopes he would actually enjoy it once he’s their but if he’s already been and he was scared the last time it would be cruel to force him to go again.

I would encourage but wouldn't force him.
Personally I hated brownie and guide camps, went on both but they are better now, more fun activities and better accommodation.
He may or may not enjoy it.
But I agree with PP it's best to start small, a night at GPs or a friends before a weekend away.
Definitely discuss concerns with scout/cub leaders so they can make any adjustments, ensure he is in a smaller dorm, with close friends, keep an eye on him, reassure he doesn't have to do any activity he doesn't want to, share photos of venue/accommodation /timetable/menu.
You may get called to collect early although ime they are reluctant to do this for homesickness but you could say you would be happy to collect him if he is really unhappy after first night? So he feels more confident about trying it.
8 is still very young so plenty of time to go on activity trips away in the future.
I totally understand you wanting a child free weekend it was 15 years before me and DH got one!

We have never had nights away from our kids as zero family support and both hated sleepovers. It’s called parenting. If you want time to yourselves get a babysitter for an evening or take annual leave and have a day out when the kids are at school.

He's only 8 and scared. He's been before and didn't like it.
You could try and talk him into it, but if he really doesn't come around then you are being extremely selfish if you force him.

Is it just the night he doesn't like? My niece went on camp last year. Very unsettled as it got dark. They called SIL saying you might need to pick up early tomorrow but once she'd spent the night and realised she could do it she was fine.
Doesn't sound like that's the case here though. He's tried it and didn't like it. I understand your desire for some child free time but I think you'll have to wait a while unfortunately. He's told you no. Would you enjoy the weekend knowing he's upset/not enjoying himself?

It’s very selfish when you know he won’t enjoy it.

I was forced to go on a trip I really didn't want to go on when I was 12. Literally begged my Mum not to send me. I'd been on previous trips and was fine, just knew I really didn't want to go on this particular one. I was sent regardless. 30 years later I still feel resentful about it. Did I enjoy the trip in the end? No I didn't!! Did going make me a better, stronger person? No it didn't!!

I was an anxious child, but as an adult I've had quite an adventurous life, well travelled (including solo) and lived in several different cities. I'm 100% certain I've have turned out exactly the same even if I hadn't been forced onto that trip. So, not keeping them at home won't turn them into a snowflake. But they will very much appreciate you having their back.

I recommend bribes - offer anything! The joy of a child free weekend cannot be underestimated! Good luck 🤞

Snowflake😂

Forcing your child to do something they don’t want to do and expecting them to be fine.

Isnt this bullying in adults?

l love ‘snowflakes’ they tend to be sensitive and kind.

I wouldn’t force an 8 year old who’s afraid of the dark. Depending on what the other kids are like, he may feel he can’t tell anyone when he’s afraid in case he gets teased. Does he have a good friend there, who’ll be kind to him? 8 yr olds can be pretty merciless.

I’d encourage him to go. Talk to him about all the fun stuff they’re going to do. Ask what he’s most afraid of. Is it going to the loo in the night or being in the tent with others? Does he have a head torch? Are you sure being afraid of the dark isn’t an excuse because he’s feels uncomfortable generally, is being picked on or doesn’t like the leader (they’re obvs volunteers rather than paid teachers and may not use modern best practice with kids, e.g. be a bit harsh). Are they much older than most teachers?

Have you spoken to the scout leader about this (with your son’s permission) so they can reassure him and keep an eye. I’d certainly do this if you make him go. I’m sure it’s quite common. Don’t leave it to your DS to let them know. He may be too embarrassed and suffer in tears in silence.

Do you camp as a family? My DSs always loved camping, but we camped ourselves, so they were used to it. If he generally enjoys scouts and it’s only the camping that’s a problem, maybe go on a few family camping trips this summer, so he gets used to the dark with you there. You needn’t go far. Just the nearest campsite for one night.

Agree I'd offer bribes too!

Absolutely.

I ‘opted’ out of all sorts of crap stuff as adult and child. And I’m pleased l did.

Surely that toughen them up attitude of pre war era has well and truly gone.

Could you really enjoy a weekend knowing your little one was sad? I just don’t get the obsession with “child free” time. Childhood really just is a snapshot of your life and there is plenty of time when they are grown up.

What is there to be scared about at cub camp? Especially as his sibling will be there. I would strongly encourage him to go

You could try to persuade him and they are fun but you shouldn't go very far away and also you should be available to pick him up at any time if required by the scout leaders. So that means being able to drive (not being too drunk to drive) to collect him if necessary.

That only holds really if he'd never done one. As he's done one before, he knows that for him, at this time, they are not fun.

This. And sorry, but you are the parent, your wish for a childfree weekend is not relevant.

You'd think so but seemingly not!