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Original poster

To make DS go on a scouts trip so DH and I can have a weekend to ourselves

234 replies

JambonetFromage · 16/04/2025 07:12

It’s finally happened! 8 years of parenting with no family help and both our DC have been invited to away overnight at the same time on respective cubs/scouts trips. Giving DH and I the glorious prospect of a child-free weekend.

But DS 8 doesn’t want go. He is scared of spending the night away - he is been on a previous camp and been scared at night time and didn’t sleep well.

The scouts group he is with is brilliant and organises the most fantastic trips with loads of activities. Going on camps are really the whole point of scouting. So I’m really keen for DS to attend for his own benefit, because I think he will get a lot out of it.

But I would also really really like a weekend with DH!

Would I be unreasonable to talk DS into going on the trip?

OP posts:
Eenameenadeeka · 16/04/2025 08:39

I think that would be very unreasonable personally. He's tried it before, he didn't enjoy it, he was upset at night and didn't sleep well. No way I'd be able to relax at all or enjoy a "glorious" child free weekend, id just feel worried about my child the whole time.

FiveWhatByFiveWhat · 16/04/2025 08:39

LlynTegid · 16/04/2025 07:14

You should try to get him to go, for his sake not yours. You'll end up with a 'snowflake' if he can opt out of things that are a bit difficult.

God I wish there was an eye roll reaction button on here 🙄

NotSorry · 16/04/2025 08:40

Cub leader here. Please don’t persuade him if he’s not ready. It’s difficult when we have a child who is struggling as it can also unsettle other children. Leave it a year they have plenty of time to go to cub camp if they are only 8. We have 2 cubs coming this year who didn’t come last year as they weren’t ready. Hopefully a year has made a big difference to them.

Nominative · 16/04/2025 08:40

drowninginsick · 16/04/2025 07:24

Yes I think doing things outside of your comfort zone is really important, especially something like that. I’m really glad my parents pushed me to try things it made me say yes to so many important experiences in my life

Not at age 8, it isn't.

User37482 · 16/04/2025 08:40

How long ago was the first trip that he hated? Personally I think it’s good for kids to be a bit uncomfortable, they get over and realise they can do stuff. At one point my DD was really anxious, I basically made her do stuff and now she’s an enthusiastic “I’ll give it a go” kind of person. Her fundamental personality hasn’t changed but she’ll take a deep breath and crack on.

My approach may seem a bit brutal but it’s informed by how I was treated for my own anxiety disorder (not saying your has anxiety, mine was a bit anxious not an anxiety sufferer).

Nominative · 16/04/2025 08:41

OP, would you be contemplating pushing your son into this if you were just staying at home this weekend? It's clearly something that needs to wait till he's a bit older.

cheddercherry · 16/04/2025 08:41

Secure kids make confident choices. You should encourage him of course but not force him to- and given he has already tried it and hated it then I’d not be surprised if he ends up going and just coming home early if you make him go. He’s only 8, it’s not like he’s always going to be scared of overnights (unless he’s always made to endure them when he’s confided his discomfort).

Growsomeballswoman · 16/04/2025 08:43

i couldn’t have a nice weekend knowing my 8 year old could potentially be unhappy.

RancidRuby · 16/04/2025 08:44

I wouldn't force him, no. Of course have a chat with him about why he doesn't want to go, discuss some coping strategies and encourage him to go without any pressure but if he is saying he doesn't want to then you need to respect that. I get that the prospect of some child free time is exciting but he's a kid and you're the adult so his needs come first here.

We had similar with my 10 year old over the year 6 residential. Ultimately it was his decision whether to go or not and I said it was OK to back out right up to the last minute - he did decide to go and he did enjoy aspects of it but he said he wouldn't do it again and that's fair enough as he tried and at the moment overnight stays away from home are not for him. Your son has tried the camp and doesn't want to go again at this point in time, respect that.

Pigsears · 16/04/2025 08:46

Only you know your child.

Is he a 'i really didn't want to go but ended up liking it' kinda kid or a 'i knew I'd hate it and did hate it' kinda kid. I felt I could judge this with mine.

I have one child that absolutely hated sleepovers and never wanted to go on camp. Which is fine. And no, he isn't a snowflake.

FiveWhatByFiveWhat · 16/04/2025 08:48

WhereIsMyJumper · 16/04/2025 08:22

YANBU
My DS was 6 the first time he went camping with scouts. I think he should go, it’ll be good for him and definitely good for you and DH. Just talk it through with him and speak about how to cope if he gets scared etc.

It's not his first time though is it? He's already tried it and hated it. And op has already talked about it with him and he's very clear he doesn't want to.

Like a pp, we've not had a night to ourselves since our autistic son was born almost 6 years ago and it won't be happening anytime soon either. Yes it's frustrating sometimes but it is what it is, it's life with young kids. And 8 is still young.

@JambonetFromage I understand you want him to go, but forcing him would be really unfair. Would you go honestly enjoy your weekend knowing you've basically forced him to go and that you'll likely get a call any minute asking to come fetch him??

Newlittlerescue · 16/04/2025 08:52

Our outgoing DS loved camps with his cub/scout group and happily signed up to a weekend 'district' camp when he was about 10. We had assumed that lots from his scout group would be there, but when we turned up, we realised that amongst the 50 or so people, he only recognised one other (older) boy from his scout group, along with an occasional scout leader. It was also pretty chaotic (not a problem usually, but no one 'scooped him up' into an activity), so he and I were hanging around on the periphery as others were setting up (me trying to get him to join in) and once it became clear no one else was arriving, he quietly said he wanted to go home. I somewhat encouraged him to stay but I could see he really didn't want to so I went up to the organiser and said he had changed his mind and took him home.

At the time it was quite galling, as we had booked a night away which we lost money on, but it was the right thing to do. If I had insisted he stay he would have (he wouldn't have made a scene) and I have no doubt he actually would have had a great time - it was just initial shyness, but I felt I did need to respect his feelings and autonomy. (Actually my main motivator is I would have felt awful on the drive home and worried the whole weekend!). He went to many scout/explorer camps since then - just being a bit more interrogative about who else would be going....

If your DS has already tried a camp and didn't enjoy it, and is now saying he doesn't want to go, I would respect his wishes.

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 16/04/2025 08:52

LlynTegid · 16/04/2025 07:14

You should try to get him to go, for his sake not yours. You'll end up with a 'snowflake' if he can opt out of things that are a bit difficult.

You think an 8yr who is scared is a snowflake.

Get a fucking grip.

Pigsears · 16/04/2025 08:55

You see the other thing is, kids around this age know they are supposed to like camps, sleepovers etc etc to resist peer pressure, and instead listen to how your son is feeling, is good I think. He tried it before. Didn't like it. Doesn't want to do it again (at the moment)

Seems even some parents judge kids who don't want to go ( yes, that's the person who suggested not going makes the kid a snowflake ..)

QuickPeachPoet · 16/04/2025 08:57

How horribly selfish.
I hated staying away and residentials at 8. Loved them by 14/15.
It’s hardly your son’s fault that you ‘don’t get a break’ because you have failed to make a village. Plenty ‘don’t have family help’. Newsflash - support doesn’t have to mean family. You can build a network with trusted friends, paid babysitters, good neighbors. People you and your son trust who are often like or better than family.
Oh but enjoy your ‘me time’ while your son gets upset won’t you.

TheBlueUser · 16/04/2025 08:58

I wouldn't force anyone to go on a trip they really didn't want to go on. Of course you can talk to him and try and persuade him, but if he continues to say no, I would respect that.

Yes it's good to show kids they need to do things sometimes they don't want to do, but trips that are organised for fun are not part of that category.

Seeline · 16/04/2025 09:01

Absolutely don't make him!
8 is still very young, and if he has a bad experience now it could put him off doing stuff for years.
I would be unfair on him and the volunteer leaders.
One homesick child can have a knock-on effect and suddenly you've got 10 homesick kids.
If a leader has to spend half the night up calming and upset child, they are not going to be in the best form to look after 30 kids the next day. Leading camps is exhausting at the best of times!

I'm afraid you decided to have children. Looking after your DCs is part of the deal.

GOODCAT · 16/04/2025 09:01

Could you do a bit of camping in your garden to get him used to it and possibly have a few of his friends over to camp out too. If that goes well, he should be happier about going and you stand a chance of a free weekend.

Also you might get a parent who reciprocates another time and you get two weekends!

Bartg · 16/04/2025 09:01

I would only want him to go to the scout camp if he wants to. Maybe just a little gentle encouragement.

and to be honest when mine are in scout camps I can’t really relax that much. No glass of wine allowed all weekend as you are basically “on call” just in case one of them needs to come home - even with a sickness bug if nothing else

AngelinaFibres · 16/04/2025 09:01

My son was in the Scouts for years. The understanding is that , if a child becomes distressed at bedtime, and cannot be distracted or soothed, then you, as his parent, agree to drive over and collect him/ stay with him. Even if he goes he may well not stay once it starts getting dark, so having any alcohol on your child free evening might not be a good idea.

rookiemere · 16/04/2025 09:03

We had little support when DS was young, so I can understand the lure of a childfree weekend.
However he is very young and didn’t enjoy the last one, so I would speak to the scout leader and see what they think.
Sometimes leaving it until they are ready - and hear from their friends what they missed out on - is the right thing to do.

Mind you I still regret not signing DS up for the ski trip in last year of primary. He expressed concern about being away for a week and as it was a big non refundable deposit required in a short time frame, I didn’t push it, but it turned out to be a seminal trip for everyone who went. So speak to the scout master and get their view.

SnakebitesandSambucas · 16/04/2025 09:03

Had this recently with my two. My oldest was happy to stay, but my youngest wasn't keen on sleeping over. So we compromised youngest picked up at end of activity. And if the eldest felt too scared or homesick we would pick them up no problems, no fuss.

ShoelacesAndStrings · 16/04/2025 09:06

YABVY to force him to go. Homesickness is horrible and it’d be cruel to send him knowing how miserable he’d be.

Hellohelga · 16/04/2025 09:06

Don’t force him or you’ll make an issue. He’s young, probably next year he’ll be happy to go. If you want a child free break arrange a sleepover for both DC on same day. He’ll probably find that more manageable.

Lavenderflower · 16/04/2025 09:07

no, I wouldn't do this.