For thinking that you shouldn't impose your celebrations on the entire street?

[Tryinghardtobefair]

We had a letter through the door yesterday from a house on our cul-de-sac. It informed us that they will be having wedding celebrations from the 14th-21st April, and that there may be increased cars and loud music but they will try to keep disruption to a minimum. They apologised in advance for any inconvenience caused. They've left their number so people can let them know if they have any concerns.

The music and bad singing is so loud that I can hear it in every single room of the house including the back bedrooms, despite the fact that they live at the top of the cul-de-sac and I live at the bottom so our gardens face in completely different directions.

My husband is sleeping downstairs because it's the only way to somewhat escape it and he has to work. As I've typed this the music has been ramped up so high that I can hear it word for word through closed double glazing. I'm at least 5 houses away.

If it was one night I wouldn't be bothered about it, but there's another 5 nights to go, and clearly the party isn't winding down because the music keeps getting louder. I just don't think it's fair that this is being imposed on the entire street for a week.

AIBU?

Well they’ve provided their number and asked people to contact them if any concerns so why wouldn’t your DH want you to do that? I’d be polite but ask they stop the music by 11pm, which is perfectly reasonable as you have work and cannot sleep. Entirely unreasonable to disrupt a whole street for a week.

They won't mind been told.

Possibly embarrassed by the impact. If you don't tell them they won't know.

Absolutely nailed it here. So selfish of them.

We live in a predominantly South Asian Muslim community and have never had loud partying through the night for a wedding. There’s often late night fireworks (some woke me at 1am last night) but our neighbours are very respectful and hire venues for their festivities.

They’ve given you a note about noise so I’d use the details on there first. If you feel able to go round, try and go when some of their guests are present - it doesn’t look good disrespecting your neighbours in front of your new family.

I lived in Hounslow for decades and most of my neighbours were South Asian. Lots of weddings and parties but very few with that level of noise that late. There was one once where we got the same sort of note about a week long event but in the end it was one long night. One shorter night and then quiet.

Even their family will have older people and children who couldn’t tolerate a week of all night partying.

My Asian neighbours were generally wonderful. Sorry yours are arseholes.

For one night I would grit my teeth and use ear plugs, but a week is insane.

You're far more tolerant than me OP. I'd have been looking for a way to cause a power cut 😂

We had one of these on our street a few yrs ago. It's a Cultral thing and that's just how they do it. I kind of liked the vibe of it, there was glitter all over the roads loud thumping music till 3am with very loud singing and stomping. One of the songs sticks in my head it goes something like this : THE FLOOR THE FLOOR THE FLOOR IS ON FIRE! at 3 am 😆 went on about a week.

Unfortunately @Tryinghardtobefair your DH can’t have it both ways. Either he steps up and rings the number he’s been given to ask them to keep the noise down after 10pm, or he sucks it up including the impact on his health (and the impact on you).

No one gets a prize for being a martyr. It sounds terrible and over the top (and not like any Hindu wedding I’ve been to, though admittedly they were 35 years ago).

Don’t go round there, dont complain to the council, don’t do anything. Just ride it out. It’s 4 days. Sounds so defeatist but honestly it’s the best way to maintain your stress levels and health longer term.

Saying this after 4 years of hell with a neighbour that ended up in court.

OK, I think this changes things somewhat.

You should speak to your other neighbours and all of you should get together and keep a diary of all their antisocial behaviour.

Include the complaint about them blocking your neighbour out of and then into their drive, and their abusive language when asked to move.

Include all the details of the wedding every night, when it started, when it stopped, how loud the music was, how many cars were parked in the street, any litter, any angry exchanges with the neighbours.

Make a note of every single time the groom goes zooming round the block in his boy racer at 2am.

That way you're not just one person complaining about a wedding, you're a whole group of neighbours complaining about a consistent pattern of antisocial behaviour.

The council probably have their two week rule so they don't have to deal with anything that resolves itself within two weeks. This wedding will be over by next week but your neighbours will still be there and they still still continue to behave like arseholes, so fight fire with fire.

From what you describe, the wedding is part of a wider symptom of this family and their unreasonable behaviour. So inaction will mean another issue further down the line if you just ride it out.

I’m so sorry you have had to deal with this, I find it quite unbelievable that people can be so inconsiderate to not just inconvenience others but affect their health and ability to get to work safely.

I don’t know what to suggest to be honest, it won’t solve your problem but you might be interested in this petition about local noise complaints; https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/711151

Absolutely don’t do this. Stupid and antagonistic behaviour that will just result in unpleasant neighbour relations for years to come 🙄. Take the advice of PP who said to send polite text.

Asian weddings do have multiple days but they won’t all last late, some will be shorter and not necessarily noisy. My neighbours invited everyone in the neighbourhood to two of the events

Totally unacceptable situation. Also awful that everyone is just washing their hands about dealing with this antisocial behaviour. Am surprised that you aren't able to call the police if there is loud noise after a certain time for them to come and deal with it, especially with the previous aggressive nature of the family involved.
I remember being at a party year's ago and a friend started drumming - not even that late and the police turned up to complain about the noise. No neighbour had even tried to contact us.
I grew up in a heavily Asian city and never once came across this sort of situation, so think they are just a very inconsiderate family......

One night, i would grin and bear it, several days, absolutely not. It’s inconsiderate to everyone else. I would definitely send a text asking them to turn the volume of the music down

We had a very similar situation in our street - week long noise from a wedding. By day 3 of hardly any sleep (the music went on until 2-3am ish, but then the taxis and people shouting in the street went on even longer) we went over but it made no difference. They couldn’t have been less bothered.

DH is an ICU doctor, and we mentioned this to them while explaining how we needed sleep to be able to function the next day at work. Then about a month after the wedding the groom came over to say he’d hurt his arm and wanted DH’s opinion as to whether he should go to A&E or not 🙄

I remember 35 years ago when the Asian weddings where I lived used to take over the street.

Every religion, culture and neighbour used to love the celebration and sheer joy of it all.

How times have changed. 😞

Punjabi weddings are not like Tamil weddings - Asian is a misnomer. But generally middleclass indian weddings have greatly expanded in recent years with mehndi, sangeet, hens and stags pre-wedding activities as well as post wedding events. I find the expense, faux bollywood pretentiousness and narcissm of it extremely off-putting and only attend the actual wedding. I would advise OP to complain. Other people have work, disabilities, fractious babies etc and it is not considerate of the wedding party.if they want to have extended celebrations, they should pay for the cost of appropriate venues.

Did the whole street stay up all night for a week during those weddings 35 years ago?

No, I appreciate that. It sounds like they’re doing the British suburbs version of the Ambani bash.

If I recall, the lyrics are ‘The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire. We don’t need no water, let the mtherfcker burn’. But regardless of floor or roof, not something you want to hear being blasted at 3am on repeat!! 😂

Yes, there are unpleasant thuggish people among Asians too - horrors - was that too racist of me? Op has to decide how much they want to cave in to inconsiderate behaviour. A wedding is a one-off celebration but even the most joyous colourful asian weddings have their limit. In India, the wedding dance parties occur in hotels or wedding halls, hired venues, not at home.

A wedding is just a day (or week here!). Marriage is completely on a different level. An expensive showy wedding is in no way a guarantee of a good marriage.