To regret moving DP in to my house

[JadeySmiles]

After a challenging weekend I am really starting to think I’ve made a big mistake here 😫

Background - I have been with DP for c.1.5 years, brilliant relationship, get along with each others family and similar goals for the future etc.

He moved in with me at my suggestion a couple of months ago when the tenancy on his flat was up.

I’ve been subtly asking him to contribute to more of the household chores without much uptake and this weekend I was a bit more direct in asking him to do certain things.

His response to me asking him to clean the bathroom was to blankly stare at me and say ‘I am male’. We saw friends on Sunday afternoon (another couple) and he said to my friends DH something along the lines of ‘yeah, she asked me to clean the bathroom yesterday. Not our job is it!’ and burst out laughing.

He has made what I thought were light hearted comments in the past about me being in the kitchen and that being my natural habit which I laughed off but in light of what he has said, I wonder if he was joking!

He has some annoying habit, 2 or 3 times he has made a mess of the toilet and not used the brush, leaving me to clean it up. His response is to laugh and say that I will need to get used to living with a man.

Is this really normal?! I feel I’ve potentially ruined our relationship by moving him in too early..

Well on the positive, you’ve seen early on his true immature, lazy and patronising self. Now at least, you can make a truly informed decision about whether he is the right partner for you…

The cleanliness isn't the issue. It's the misogyny.

A man who can’t look after himself is repellent. Truly unattractive. Somehow he’s made it this far without anyone telling him.

He needs to know. Bin him off and make sure he knows why.

Well on the positive, you’ve seen early on his true immature, lazy and patronising self. Now at least, you can make a truly informed decision about whether he is the right partner for you…

OP fast forward 15 years. You will still be at home cleaning up his shit, with possibly DC who you also have to look after and parent full time as he is ‘male’ . Your male child will sit on the sofa with him, expecting you to wait on them both hand and foot and your daughter will be told to get stuff for her dad and brother (they will be trained up in no time).
Please get rid- you won’t have a life, this man will drag you down.

How can he be brilliant and a disgusting sexist pig at the same time?!

I think you should invite him to move out personally. It’s not even that’s he’s a lazy pig, or that he’s a misogynist (although that is more than enough), he’s moved in with you and he doesn’t even have the decency to respect your space, even when asked outright. It follows that he doesn’t respect you.

Respect for one’s partner is either there or it’s not. You can gain MORE respect for someone and you can lose respect for someone, but both come from having at least a basic level of respect in the first place.

You do not need this man. Get rid!

He is a grown adult snd you’re having to subtly bring up doing more chores WTF!

I can’t imagine any grown adult not pulling their weight in their own home and if they did I would be pulling them up on it, not being subtle about it.

My DC know to pull their weight with cleaning, I wouldn’t expect needing to tell a grown adult.

The sexist comment would be it for me.

At the very least go back to living separately.

@JadeySmiles it will get better but only if you lay down some rules and tell him exactly which chores he will be covering.

My husband was like this, his flat was always clean but that’s because his mum did it!

Before he moved in he used to spend a few weekends at mine and I could see his bad habits, not cleaning the bath, leaving beard hairs over the sink etc

I told him he would need to tidy up after himself and I wasn’t prepared to be the maid.

He did get better but it took time xx

There really is no option OP but to kick him the fuck back out again.

he has made his misogyny and plans known to you, bare faced and in front of your friends too. Unashamedly. He’s brazen. He’s almost CHALLENGING you, saying and what???? What are you going to do about it?

he’s got his feet tucked nicely under the kitchen table here.

kick him tf out and don’t look back. Don’t listen to promises to change because he won’t.

I mean, he's a minogynist and treats you with contempt. But stay with him if you want.

YABU to not have kicked him out already. What a dickhead. I'd go with @toomuchfaff's message personally.

@JadeySmiles and he is isn’t brilliant if he thinks cleaning up after him is your job because you have a vagina. Clearly he thinks the fact he has a penis makes him better than you, he’s too good to clean the toilet but he expects you to do it for him!
it’s not the fact he is lazy and bad at cleaning, it’s the sexist misogynistic attitude that he shouldn’t do any because he is male. That is disgusting

Kick him out asap. He should be able to build himself a house in no time, after all, he is male

FFS! Why does ANY female put up with this absolute bull shit? Kick the lazy slob out, and don't let any other man move in, until you've stayed with him in his own place for at least a month, so you can see what nasty habits he has, and whether they're things you can put up with.

Tell him no more sex, not your job is it!

This sort of thing (men needing a woman to pick up their stuff, clean things they use etc) is often given as a reason for a dwindling sex life. Women aren’t attracted to people they ‘mother’ and once that starts it’s dead in the water really. Tell him to move out and don’t listen to any ‘oh I’ll change! I was only joking! Can’t you even take a joke?!’

💯⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️

Send him home to his mamma and say he is a faulty model as several of his functions aren’t working.

He’s not brilliant he’s a chauvinist pig

Aside from the cleanliness he is honestly brilliant

Aside from a massively important thing which is literally never ending he is honestly brilliant.

No. He’s not 🤮.

No it’s not normal

Not cleaning up his mess in the toilet is disgusting.

We teach our children to do that at an early age. Why is he not fully toilet trained ? How old is he ?

I think you can do better. But, if you want to keep the relationship then you have not ruined it

He will want to stay with you no matter what as he know well that no other woman would tolerate this

I would've lost it if he'd pulled that 'I'm a male' crap with me, but if I'd been calm enough, I'd like to have replied, 'Well, I'm not physically attracted to males who don't clean up after themselves'. If he doesn't want to do his share of the cleaning, he can manfully pay for a cleaner. Males pride themselves on being providers, don't they?

That is absolutely disgusting. He leaves you to clean his skid marks? That's exactly what he thinks of you. What a pig.
I would definitely be saying, whooooa you need to leave, right now.
At least you only wasted 18 months.