To regret moving DP in to my house

[JadeySmiles]

After a challenging weekend I am really starting to think I’ve made a big mistake here 😫

Background - I have been with DP for c.1.5 years, brilliant relationship, get along with each others family and similar goals for the future etc.

He moved in with me at my suggestion a couple of months ago when the tenancy on his flat was up.

I’ve been subtly asking him to contribute to more of the household chores without much uptake and this weekend I was a bit more direct in asking him to do certain things.

His response to me asking him to clean the bathroom was to blankly stare at me and say ‘I am male’. We saw friends on Sunday afternoon (another couple) and he said to my friends DH something along the lines of ‘yeah, she asked me to clean the bathroom yesterday. Not our job is it!’ and burst out laughing.

He has made what I thought were light hearted comments in the past about me being in the kitchen and that being my natural habit which I laughed off but in light of what he has said, I wonder if he was joking!

He has some annoying habit, 2 or 3 times he has made a mess of the toilet and not used the brush, leaving me to clean it up. His response is to laugh and say that I will need to get used to living with a man.

Is this really normal?! I feel I’ve potentially ruined our relationship by moving him in too early..

How old is this overgrown child?!

Women should look carefully at a man before moving them in.

How does he treat his own living space?

A man not cleaning his own loo is a no. no. Looking for a maid with sex on tap.

Instant yuk and ick.

Get out now OP. Chuck him out with a loo brush LOL.

His response is to laugh and say that I will need to get used to living with a man.

So, it's not just the 'cleanliness' thing is it? He's also lazy and thinks it's women's work to clean up after him!

How much is he paying each month

He'd have been out 5 minutes after that comment to his mate tbh.

He'd be getting the bum's rush if he was living with me. Lazy git!

At least you've found out now

You haven't ruined the relationship by moving him in too early. He has ruined the relationship by moving in and treating you like his servant.

If he's over the age of 25, I'd put money on that he won't change. Find someone who deserves you.

You didn’t move him in too soon.

The problem is that he’s not ready to be in an adult relationship yet.

You made the mistake of asking not telling him.
After what he said to you and your friends partner he has shown his true identity and what he believes roles in the home are.

I think you are right his mum cleaned before you came.

Only you can decide if you want to continue living together.
Only you know if you want to live separate and continue the relationship - if you think the relationship can survive it. Just because he moves out doesn't mean it had to end, just living together isn't compatible.
Only you know if this is the end of the road with this relationship.

You've not ruined your relationship, you have revealed who he really is. So in many ways its a win. You could have been dating for years and not realised he was a misogynist user, a thief of your time and energy, and general disgusting human who expects his partner to literally wipe up his shit. But now you know and can get rid of him from your life with no regrets. Well done!

I would actually be careful about ending things at the same time as asking him to move out. I'd tell him the living together isn't working and giving him a week's notice. And then ONCE he's gone, tell him that's it.

Having him there for a week once dumped will be very awkward.

It really is rank though. Literally expecting you to clean his shit off the toilet for him. WTF is wrong with some men?

The man literally thinks you as his female are a lesser being than himself and that all you are good for is sex, cooking and cleaning HIS OWN SHIT.

This man doesn't even like women op, just what they can do for him!

His response to me asking him to clean the bathroom was to blankly stare at me and say ‘I am male’.

Oh right, that's nice, what relevance is that? How do you think I clean it? Using my fanny?

Now he's the cleaning stuff. If you can't figure it out then the next bit of cleaning in this house will be of all dirty objects and things I don't need anymore.

Namely you.

Got it?

Seriously don't put up with that attitude and be his house maid.

I did consider one... you've shown me that is the right number!

Another one agreeing that his sexist attitude, absolute disrespect for you and his dumb belief that your friends would agree with him, are all reasons you need to kick him out.

It's one thing being a messy person, but literally thinking "penis = not needing to clean up after ones self" is a mind boggling attitude. Don't give him any more chances, he'll just get better at hiding his misogynistic views and you'll be too tied into the relationship. Get rid, get rid!

No, OP, it's not normal and don't let him convince you it is.

My partner is 61. I've been off work today and yes still come home and got on with housework. We've cooked dinner together and he's cleaned the kitchen and is now cleaning the floor.

So, no, this isn't what living with a man is like.

Kick him out because he isn't going to change no matter how good the rest of it is. And, if you fall pregnant, it will get worse.

‘Iam male’

‘yeah and I’m not your fucking mum so you either start pulling your weight or move out’

He moved in with me at my suggestion a couple of months ago when the tenancy on his flat was up.

There's your mistake right there. I get it, done it too.

You are so MUCH MORE worth than a man who cannot even clean his own living space.

does he even clean his willy either sorry. A shower a day is a blessing.

This would repulse me, who wants another kid to take care of? Fuck that shit.

I cannot get past you having to clean up his mess in the toilet. Literally nothing else matters. He thinks you're worth no more than cleaning up his literal shit. I cannot believe how low your standards are. I would struggle to feel attracted to someone after that. I don't believe this thread is genuine.

You’ve got a cocklodger. Send him on his way, the lazy sexist git!

I actually felt sick reading that

If he’s like this now he’ll only get worse as time goes on! If that’s even possible…..

Get rid.

My partner doesn’t yet live with me and does more about my house! He does my washing for me, loads and unloads the dishwasher. He even sorted my very messy sock drawer the other week.
Get rid, or at least get him out your house!

what difference would waiting another 6 months or a year have made, he'd still be a sexist twat! If anything moving in earlier has done yourself a favour as he's shown you his true colours while it's still easy enough to get him to move back out, rather than until you'd bought a place together.

If you haven't been together long you should still be in the honeymoon period with him still trying to impress you! If he's this bad now, it's only going to get worse. If he won't clean up his own (figurative and literal) shit now, is he really going to do it for a baby if you were planning on having kids together?

what century is he living in? No men I know - including mine and my siblings DPs (30s-40s), our dad (66) and grandad (90) would dream of thinking only women can/should clean - my granddad learned the importance of cleaning (also basic sewing, cooking, etc) during his national service!

dump dump dump

Come on OP, find your god dam voice! Tell him to leave, he clearly isn’t the person you thought he was.

Are you his partner or his mum?

speaking of what’s his relationship like with his mum? Cuz I bet there’s signs

I’d honestly kick him out TODAY.
the fact he’s ridiculing you infront of friends is ridiculous and childish
I mean imagine still having that perception of life what is this the 1900’s

if he’s being like that I’d tell him ‘well then it’s your job to provide so provide I need my nails, hair eyelashes and new clothes.. also the rent needs paying and there’s a few things that need fixing so chop chop’