To regret moving DP in to my house

[JadeySmiles]

After a challenging weekend I am really starting to think I’ve made a big mistake here 😫

Background - I have been with DP for c.1.5 years, brilliant relationship, get along with each others family and similar goals for the future etc.

He moved in with me at my suggestion a couple of months ago when the tenancy on his flat was up.

I’ve been subtly asking him to contribute to more of the household chores without much uptake and this weekend I was a bit more direct in asking him to do certain things.

His response to me asking him to clean the bathroom was to blankly stare at me and say ‘I am male’. We saw friends on Sunday afternoon (another couple) and he said to my friends DH something along the lines of ‘yeah, she asked me to clean the bathroom yesterday. Not our job is it!’ and burst out laughing.

He has made what I thought were light hearted comments in the past about me being in the kitchen and that being my natural habit which I laughed off but in light of what he has said, I wonder if he was joking!

He has some annoying habit, 2 or 3 times he has made a mess of the toilet and not used the brush, leaving me to clean it up. His response is to laugh and say that I will need to get used to living with a man.

Is this really normal?! I feel I’ve potentially ruined our relationship by moving him in too early..

He needs to leave and you should break up.
He is clearly a misogynist and this will get worse not better.

If you insist on staying with him - USE CONTRACEPTION!

Nailed it, unfortunately you don't need a crystal ball to see what kind of future you'd have with lazy fuckwit.
Get shot of him pronto.

I would give him a week, maximum to move out and I wouldn't listen to any pleading or excuses. He's a Grade 1 arsehole. How old is he? Unless he's in his 80s and incapable, the fact that he's a bloke makes no difference. I'm in my 60s and don't know any blokes my age who think being a man is an excuse for expecting a woman to clean up after them.

Ugh get rid and yes I agree, it was probably his mum who did the cleaning!

Oh darling. I've read your posts and the 1st 20 posts. Good fucking god- get rid. What the hell was he thinking? But now you have learned. Just no.

Ewwww, my vagina would slap shut so hard they'd feel the after shock in Tokyo!!

Nothing less attractive than a misogynistic man child who thinks he can skid mark the toilet and leave it to the females to clean.

Kick him out. He's shown you he's not a very nice person with no respect for women.

You didn't ruin your relationship. You accelerated knowing him and you accelerated the end before you invested 10 years in this odious little man.

So when are you telling him to move out ASAP?

So you have only been with him 1.5 years and he has done this previously so have shown red flags which you have ignored and still asking if it’s normal? . It’s no wonder you made a bad choice.

Bye bye.

Who cleaned the bathroom in his flat? How selfish, I mean Tbf cleaning the bathroom is my job (dh would make a hash of it) but he does bins lawns cars etc. and it’s more his response and his comment to friends with the laughter! Some serious ick!

So not similar goals then
Yeah, not normal

Agree with this. DH and I joke about pink jobs and blue jobs but it is just that - a joke. Married nearly 33 years, I wouldn't tolerate that sort of thing said seriously.

You didn't move him in too early or ruin the relationship. If anything you've done yourself a favour and you now know not to waste anymore time on this relationship!
His attitude will never change and if anything else, will get worse when he's got his feet under the table. Throw him back!

YANBU at all, omg - my DP, for all his faults, is the cleanest man I’ve ever met.

Your DP is lazy and using being a man as an excuse.

"I am male and in need of new lodgings."

Get rid of him now.

Yuck, yuck, yuck

I'd kick him straight back out again and make sure you're 100% confident on your contraception if you still want to have sex with him.

I couldn't have sex with someone who left his shit stains in the toilet for me to clean up!

Ahahahaha...fuck no.

Ask him - don't hint, don't faff around - ask him 'which chores do you think you should do in our shared living space?'

Then if he says he doesn't have to clean bathrooms, cook etc, tell him he can also not eat there, not shit there etc etc.

Either he gets on board with shared chores or he gets out, this isn't normal or acceptable!

Yep. This is what happens when women spoil their sons. They turn into appalling men. His mother behaved like his housemaid and now he expects you to do the same.

Get rid. Not just out of your house, out of your life.

He's being utterly contemptuous of you if he thinks you should clean his shit up. You'll be resentful in next to no time and there's no coming back from resentment.

He has some annoying habit, 2 or 3 times he has made a mess of the toilet and not used the brush, leaving me to clean it up.

The only time in my life that I've had to clean the excrement of an adult was when the said adult was physically disabled or had dementia.

Throw away the whole man.

I know it’s my house but I was the one who suggested moving him in and feel a bit harsh to tell him to move out after just 2 months with no where obvious to go immediately. I assumed we’d fairly split chores etc so didn’t even think to bring this up before it happened which was naive in hindsight.

To answer an earlier question, he does pay an equal split of bills and quite often insists on covering the full shopping bill. We had discussed him paying in to come on the Mortgage (only once equal) and at that point we’d split this payment 50/50 too. Luckily that was never going to be progressed until a few months in until we knew if we were suited to living with each other.

if he's serious then his attitude is completely out of date and I wouldn't accept it. I'd give him an ultimatum - you either pull your weight around the house or we're finished - and if he chooses the former, I'd give him one chance. The first time he fails to do what he's agreed to do or tries to imply that he shouldn't have to, he's out. Personally I'd end the relationship as well as the living arrangement, but that part's up to you. But you shouldn't have to live with someone who won't do their share.

Do you think he worried about how harsh it was to expect you to clean up his shit stains?