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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find this bizarre? Friend and soap

593 replies

SplodgePocket · 15/04/2025 18:56

A friend came around earlier as I had a half day. Before she left, she said she was just popping to the loo. I then heard her call a minute later, “Splodge? There’s no soap”.

I have a dispenser, so I assumed it had run out and called back that there was some on the side of the bath. There was a pause and she called back, “No, not here”. I knew it was there so replied, “Just against the wall, behind the shower screen”. Again, a pause before a bewildered “No…”

I was completely confused now, as I knew very well it was there. I went through to the hall and she was standing in the doorway looking baffled. I went in, looked behind the screen and sure enough, there it was. I handed it to her and said, “Here, see?”

She burst out laughing and said, “Ohhhhh!! It’s shower gel!!” I was a bit confused and replied, “Well yes; soap, shower gel… whatever”. She was smiling at me a bit like I was a child who’d made a comical mistake. She said, “You said soap. This is shower gel. Show-er gel.” With the last bit really slowly, like she wasn’t sure English was my first language.

I was really taken aback. Who is this bizarrely literal? Surely it’s all pretty much the same thing? I thought maybe she was looking for a bar of soap and this was what had confused her somehow, but surely when you couldn’t see it you’d think “it must be the stuff in the bottle”? And even if you didn’t, wouldn’t you just have used the shower gel anyway?

I’ve never noticed her take things so literally before. Is it me or is this just really odd?!

OP posts:
HappyCrispEater · 15/04/2025 19:36

AIBU?
Yes.
No, I’m not!
Why ask then? 😆

I wouldn’t wash my hands with shower gel.

Surely when your friend asked, you should have said sorry I must have run out, there is some shower gel you can use.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 15/04/2025 19:38

SplodgePocket · 15/04/2025 19:29

Even when I’d specified it was on the edge of the bath?

Yeah, because she expecting to see soap, in bar or dispenser form

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 15/04/2025 19:38

If you told me "there is some behind the shower screen" I'd have been looking for a bottle of hand soap or a bar of soap.

You clearly should have said to use the shower gel, you were being vague. Especially when she said she didn't see it, you could have just said "I mean just use the shower gel"

This is on you OP.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 15/04/2025 19:39

ImNotARegularMomIACoolMom · 15/04/2025 19:25

Tell me your bored without telling me?!

whi gives a fuck if it’s on the sink or on the bath? Just wash your damn hands and leave.. surely if you went into a house and they had no soap or anything on the sink you’d just get it from the bath?! Or would you leave without washing your hands????? Why yous all making it sound so hard to pick up some soap from the bath?!

I think you need to get some fresh air

TryingToBeHelpful267 · 15/04/2025 19:39

Tbf I don’t think many people call shower gel “soap” even though it basically is 😂 I’ve actually never heard of someone doing that so to me you’re the bizarre one but maybe I’m in the minority 🤷🏻‍♀️

queenmeadhbh · 15/04/2025 19:40

RubberDuckyURtheone · 15/04/2025 19:04

In your position the correct response to her first saying she couldn't find the soap was "I don't have any soap- just use the shower gel on the side of the bath". Yabu.

This is it. Like others, I don’t think the weird thing is using shower gel to wash your hands if you have no hand wash or bar soap. I think the weird thing is you not understanding that most people would be looking specifically for soap not shower gel and wouldn’t think “oh she must mean the shower gel obviously”. Would you have said the same if it were shampoo? Just soap for your hair!

BobbyBiscuits · 15/04/2025 19:40

I'd assume there would be liquid or solid soap next to the basin. I wouldn't think to reach over to the bath and use the shower gel. It's for washing your body in the bath and shower, not your hands after the loo?

If you want people to use shower gel for that you should put it on the sink/basin. But why not buy hand soap?

MyKingdomForACat · 15/04/2025 19:42

Summertimeblahness · 15/04/2025 18:58

I wouldn’t think to wash my hands with shower gel to be honest.

Same. It’s for having a shower.

suburburban · 15/04/2025 19:45

I would have soap and liquid soap on the basin and shower gel in the bath/shower and wouldn’t mix the 2

Poonu · 15/04/2025 19:45

One of my hand washes is a strong anti bacterial (we have builders in), specially ordered. No way I would use that on my body or expect my family too.

By your line of debate everything is the same so why don't you use fairy liquid as shower gel? Lol I'm just being silly

Tulippilut · 15/04/2025 19:49

I wouldn’t use shower gel as soap - I would just think it wasn’t “ anti bacterial “ - so if it was in a dispenser that said shower gel I would have behaved in the same way as your friend and wouldn’t have assumed that was to use.

But , if I have read OPs post right , it wasn’t labelled as shower gel - it was a soap dispenser with soap in ? Maybe it being in the shower though , not on the sink, that’s what’s made her think it’s shower gel ? Bit of an odd place to put it ?

if it is shower gel then yeah I’m with your friend , it’s not what you expect to wash your hands with.

I have used shower gel in the past if I have ran out , just like in the kitchen if I run out I would use washing up liquid - but only actual soap is what I tend to use .

Therewasacat · 15/04/2025 19:49

I would have also been looking for a bar of soap or bottle of liquid hand soap and it wouldn't have occurred to me that you meant shower gel.
On the rare occasion I run out of hand soap I actually wash my hands with washing up liquid as the next best thing, never thought to use shower gel.

WhereAreWeNow · 15/04/2025 19:50

I agree that they're much the same thing OP. But I would also be confused if someone was telling me there was soap but they meant shower gel. If you'd said 'no soap but just use the shower gel instead' I wouldn't be confused. But if you kept on insisting there was soap and I was expecting to see a bar of soap or a bottle of hand wash, I'd be confused.

CinnamonJellyBeans · 15/04/2025 19:50

No matter how impoverished you are, you need to keep a bar of soap by the sink for hand-washing after the toilet. You cannot dispense with hand hygiene (or even shower gel) if you wish to avoid making others sick with your bum bacteria.

latetothefisting · 15/04/2025 19:50

SplodgePocket · 15/04/2025 19:12

But it wasn’t a case of “Why isn’t it by the sink?” - I literally told her there was some behind the shower screen. My sink is right next to the bath anyway, so nowhere to trail water.

but there wasn't some soap (as in a bar of soap, or even liquid soap) behind the shower screen. There was shower gel. They are two different things. It doesn't matter that the composite ingredients are very similar. Mashed potato and chips have the same ingredients, but they aren't the same thing.

In your position I would have said 'Sorry I don't have any more soap but there's some shower gel you can use.' Not told her there was soap available when there wasn't.

So I disagree that she was being too literal. However, I do think she made far too much of a palaver about the whole thing. In her position I would have just looked for an alternative to soap if there wasn't any there (and probably found the shower gel as the closest alternative) and then told you your soap was out when I'd finished. Even if she was technically correct the whole spelling out the "show-er gel" thing was needlessly passive aggressive too.

sandyhappypeople · 15/04/2025 19:54

YABU for calling shower gel 'soap'.

Besides, I wouldn't use anything from around someone's bath, especially something that they have to handle to wash their fanny.

28Fluctuations · 15/04/2025 19:55

I agree that all these things - shower gel, liquid handsoap, shampoo - it's all the same stuff.

Actual soap is different, by the way.

But in this case, when she was obviously struggling/being dense, I would have told her to use the shower gel in the shower. Much clearer.

UnctuousUnicorns · 15/04/2025 19:55

TennesseeStella · 15/04/2025 19:01

Who washes their hands with shower gel?!

We refill our hand wash bottles with cheap blue or green bubble bath. It's all detergent, unless you're just about to perform surgery, it all does the job perfectly well. 🤷‍♀️

Spinthewheel1 · 15/04/2025 19:56

SplodgePocket · 15/04/2025 19:29

Even when I’d specified it was on the edge of the bath?

I still wouldn’t have thought you were referring to the body wash.

UnctuousUnicorns · 15/04/2025 19:56

sandyhappypeople · 15/04/2025 19:54

YABU for calling shower gel 'soap'.

Besides, I wouldn't use anything from around someone's bath, especially something that they have to handle to wash their fanny.

And here come the loons... 😅

hereismydog · 15/04/2025 19:56

CinnamonJellyBeans · 15/04/2025 19:50

No matter how impoverished you are, you need to keep a bar of soap by the sink for hand-washing after the toilet. You cannot dispense with hand hygiene (or even shower gel) if you wish to avoid making others sick with your bum bacteria.

Can’t you read? OP does have a soap dispenser, but it had run out. Have you never run out of a product before? Or did you just want to have a little dig at OP, really?

Also ‘bum bacteria’ is the reason I would never touch a bar of solid soap at someone else’s house. I don’t want to use anything that other people have been rolling around in their hands after wiping their arse 🤢 I’d use the shower gel before I used someone else’s bar of soap!

jen337 · 15/04/2025 19:58

You should have said “just use the shower gel it’s by the bath”, but also she was being a bit disingenuous with her reaction.

SharpLily · 15/04/2025 19:58

Poonu · 15/04/2025 19:45

One of my hand washes is a strong anti bacterial (we have builders in), specially ordered. No way I would use that on my body or expect my family too.

By your line of debate everything is the same so why don't you use fairy liquid as shower gel? Lol I'm just being silly

Er, my husband has been known to do this.

HaddyAbrams · 15/04/2025 20:00

This is the opposite to what happens in my house. Every time my brother comes round he moans there's no soap by the sink. I tell him there's a bar of soap (which there is). Last time he came he "joked" that he'd picked me up some cheap hand-wash as I obviously can't afford soap. Fucking prick.
I sent the handwash home with him.

jen337 · 15/04/2025 20:01

hereismydog · 15/04/2025 19:56

Can’t you read? OP does have a soap dispenser, but it had run out. Have you never run out of a product before? Or did you just want to have a little dig at OP, really?

Also ‘bum bacteria’ is the reason I would never touch a bar of solid soap at someone else’s house. I don’t want to use anything that other people have been rolling around in their hands after wiping their arse 🤢 I’d use the shower gel before I used someone else’s bar of soap!

I don’t think you’ve quite grasped the primary benefit of soap.