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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this bizarre? Friend and soap

593 replies

SplodgePocket · 15/04/2025 18:56

A friend came around earlier as I had a half day. Before she left, she said she was just popping to the loo. I then heard her call a minute later, “Splodge? There’s no soap”.

I have a dispenser, so I assumed it had run out and called back that there was some on the side of the bath. There was a pause and she called back, “No, not here”. I knew it was there so replied, “Just against the wall, behind the shower screen”. Again, a pause before a bewildered “No…”

I was completely confused now, as I knew very well it was there. I went through to the hall and she was standing in the doorway looking baffled. I went in, looked behind the screen and sure enough, there it was. I handed it to her and said, “Here, see?”

She burst out laughing and said, “Ohhhhh!! It’s shower gel!!” I was a bit confused and replied, “Well yes; soap, shower gel… whatever”. She was smiling at me a bit like I was a child who’d made a comical mistake. She said, “You said soap. This is shower gel. Show-er gel.” With the last bit really slowly, like she wasn’t sure English was my first language.

I was really taken aback. Who is this bizarrely literal? Surely it’s all pretty much the same thing? I thought maybe she was looking for a bar of soap and this was what had confused her somehow, but surely when you couldn’t see it you’d think “it must be the stuff in the bottle”? And even if you didn’t, wouldn’t you just have used the shower gel anyway?

I’ve never noticed her take things so literally before. Is it me or is this just really odd?!

OP posts:
Original poster
SplodgePocket · 17/04/2025 12:37

Cherrysoup · 17/04/2025 12:12

Handwashing is normally on /next to the sink. I find it less concentrated than shower gel. Your friend isn’t the unreasonable one.

For the love of God, READ.

OP posts:
Original poster
SplodgePocket · 17/04/2025 12:42

Shmee1988 · 17/04/2025 12:20

No,because it wasn't 'there' was it? Soap for hand washing is found on the sink, not in the bath/shower

Show quote history

I honestly don’t understand how people can be this obtuse. It’s literally in the opening post!!!

I told her it was on the side of the bath behind the shower screen. I did NOT expect her to guess. There was literally only one bottle there (and just in case you’re still confused somehow, that’s what I meant by “there” - the exact place I described.)

Let's ignore for the moment whether my friend should have known I meant the shower gel. The instruction “On the side of the bath behind the shower screen” is pretty unambiguous. You can’t claim she might have thought I meant in the cupboard, or in a different room.

OP posts:
threenaancurrywhore · 17/04/2025 12:45

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 17/04/2025 07:50

That's what I gathered, but wasn't certain.

In which case, who would design a refillable dispenser without even a window to monitor the level of the contents? That's 'Design 101'!

If you do buy one that is poorly designed in this way, surely you would know that you'd have to make sure to open it up to check the level regularly?

Show quote history

You know what’s a really good design, where you can monitor the soap running out: a bar of soap.

chaosmaker · 17/04/2025 13:01

My skin is definitely happier now I've mostly gone back to bars of soap :)

@SplodgePocket doesn't matter if you thought your instructions were clear. You omitted to say, 'Don't have soap, use the shower gel, it's the same thing', therefore leaving her flummoxed when she was looking for a different product........... surely not THAT hard to understand?

Original poster
SplodgePocket · 17/04/2025 13:16

doesn't matter if you thought your instructions were clear. You omitted to say, 'Don't have soap, use the shower gel, it's the same thing', therefore leaving her flummoxed when she was looking for a different product........... surely not THAT hard to understand?

I was talking about the posters trying to suggest it was somehow “hidden” because it was exactly where I said it was.

OP posts:
Shmee1988 · 17/04/2025 14:54

SplodgePocket · 17/04/2025 12:42

I honestly don’t understand how people can be this obtuse. It’s literally in the opening post!!!

I told her it was on the side of the bath behind the shower screen. I did NOT expect her to guess. There was literally only one bottle there (and just in case you’re still confused somehow, that’s what I meant by “there” - the exact place I described.)

Let's ignore for the moment whether my friend should have known I meant the shower gel. The instruction “On the side of the bath behind the shower screen” is pretty unambiguous. You can’t claim she might have thought I meant in the cupboard, or in a different room.

Show quote history

No you're right, but she'd of no doubt seen the shower gel and thought 'well she obviously doesn't mean that because it's shower gel'. It's not hand soap which is what she was looking for

Original poster
SplodgePocket · 17/04/2025 15:09

And upon finding shower gel there, rather than bleach, acid or a pint of snakebite, the next step would have been…?

OP posts:
Shmee1988 · 17/04/2025 15:37

SplodgePocket · 17/04/2025 15:09

And upon finding shower gel there, rather than bleach, acid or a pint of snakebite, the next step would have been…?

To think you had no hand soap? lol. I think the AIBU part of your post hasn't really gone your way. Trust me, I've been there 😂

chaosmaker · 17/04/2025 15:38

I think the thread thinks that Yes you are being unreasonable.....lol

howaboutchocolate · 17/04/2025 15:43

SplodgePocket · 17/04/2025 15:09

And upon finding shower gel there, rather than bleach, acid or a pint of snakebite, the next step would have been…?

saying "no I don't see any soap" because that is what she has been told to look for.

the logical conclusion for most people is "splodge is mistaken and there is no soap here, only shower gel" not "she must be calling the shower gel soap".

miraxxx · 17/04/2025 15:46

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 17/04/2025 07:58

Maybe she's on edge and worried about Splodge's reaction/criticism if she assumes and then discovers that she misunderstood what Splodge was trying to direct her to do, but without bothering/refusing to simply say "Use the shower gel - it's the same thing".

Going on this thread, OP is very much coming across as, shall we say, an extremely 'assertive' person; she reminds me of the sort who would proudly declare that they 'don't suffer fools gladly'.

Show quote history

Exactly this.

Thalia31 · 17/04/2025 15:58

SplodgePocket · 15/04/2025 18:56

A friend came around earlier as I had a half day. Before she left, she said she was just popping to the loo. I then heard her call a minute later, “Splodge? There’s no soap”.

I have a dispenser, so I assumed it had run out and called back that there was some on the side of the bath. There was a pause and she called back, “No, not here”. I knew it was there so replied, “Just against the wall, behind the shower screen”. Again, a pause before a bewildered “No…”

I was completely confused now, as I knew very well it was there. I went through to the hall and she was standing in the doorway looking baffled. I went in, looked behind the screen and sure enough, there it was. I handed it to her and said, “Here, see?”

She burst out laughing and said, “Ohhhhh!! It’s shower gel!!” I was a bit confused and replied, “Well yes; soap, shower gel… whatever”. She was smiling at me a bit like I was a child who’d made a comical mistake. She said, “You said soap. This is shower gel. Show-er gel.” With the last bit really slowly, like she wasn’t sure English was my first language.

I was really taken aback. Who is this bizarrely literal? Surely it’s all pretty much the same thing? I thought maybe she was looking for a bar of soap and this was what had confused her somehow, but surely when you couldn’t see it you’d think “it must be the stuff in the bottle”? And even if you didn’t, wouldn’t you just have used the shower gel anyway?

I’ve never noticed her take things so literally before. Is it me or is this just really odd?!

You are definitely the weirdo in this situation.

SporadicMincePieMuncher · 17/04/2025 16:16

hereismydog · 15/04/2025 20:22

You touch the pump dispenser, but you don’t usually roll the dispenser in your hands…

Also, not everything is aseptic. Most clinical procedures I perform aren’t. The aim is clean, but infection control would quite rightly read us the riot act if they discovered a bar of soap in a clinical area. Current IPC guidelines (you can look them up for yourself) explicitly state that bar soap is not acceptable.

Show quote history

Forgive me for I haven't returned to the thread since page 7 but if you're still around @hereismydog I'm curious which clinical procedures don't require aseptic cleanliness?

I'm honestly not trying to pick a fight, I'm just trying to understand! This is a 100% me problem but my menopause foggy brain just can't think of a single clinical procedure for which you wouldn't want aseptic techniques. I used to work for a company that supplied infection control disposable equipment to surgical units, hence I'm interested but I have a very limited field of knowledge, which is about 20 years out of date!

I do appreciate that bar soap isn't allowed in clinical settings.

SporadicMincePieMuncher · 17/04/2025 16:18

SplodgePocket · 17/04/2025 15:09

And upon finding shower gel there, rather than bleach, acid or a pint of snakebite, the next step would have been…?

Stuff you. Now I want a pint of Snakey B! £2.10 from the student union bar back in the day and guaranteed to make ya pissed cheaply.

chaosmaker · 18/04/2025 01:43

@SplodgePocket your title is misleading, it should read Friend and Shower Gel

SummerDaysOnTheWay · 18/04/2025 19:42

chaosmaker · 18/04/2025 01:43

@SplodgePocket your title is misleading, it should read Friend and Shower Gel

😂🧼🧴🫧

SapphireSeptember · 21/04/2025 23:53

DiscoBeat · 16/04/2025 08:24

Shower gel isn't usually anti bacterial so I prefer hand soap, but obviously shower gel would do. But I wouldn't go fishing about in the shower looking for it in someone else's house, so I'd mention it. What an odd system. Just buy some flipping soap.

It's all anti-bacterial, and anti-viral. Doesn't matter what it's labelled as!

This thread is hard work. 🤦🏻‍♀️ OP has stated repeatedly that she has hand soap but that she didn't know the dispenser was empty.

Jumpingthruhoops · 21/04/2025 23:56

SplodgePocket · 15/04/2025 18:56

A friend came around earlier as I had a half day. Before she left, she said she was just popping to the loo. I then heard her call a minute later, “Splodge? There’s no soap”.

I have a dispenser, so I assumed it had run out and called back that there was some on the side of the bath. There was a pause and she called back, “No, not here”. I knew it was there so replied, “Just against the wall, behind the shower screen”. Again, a pause before a bewildered “No…”

I was completely confused now, as I knew very well it was there. I went through to the hall and she was standing in the doorway looking baffled. I went in, looked behind the screen and sure enough, there it was. I handed it to her and said, “Here, see?”

She burst out laughing and said, “Ohhhhh!! It’s shower gel!!” I was a bit confused and replied, “Well yes; soap, shower gel… whatever”. She was smiling at me a bit like I was a child who’d made a comical mistake. She said, “You said soap. This is shower gel. Show-er gel.” With the last bit really slowly, like she wasn’t sure English was my first language.

I was really taken aback. Who is this bizarrely literal? Surely it’s all pretty much the same thing? I thought maybe she was looking for a bar of soap and this was what had confused her somehow, but surely when you couldn’t see it you’d think “it must be the stuff in the bottle”? And even if you didn’t, wouldn’t you just have used the shower gel anyway?

I’ve never noticed her take things so literally before. Is it me or is this just really odd?!

I wouldn't think to wash my hands (especially in someone else's house!) with shower gel.

Hand wash = hand wash
Shower gel = shower gel

Nominative · 22/04/2025 01:02

Jumpingthruhoops · 21/04/2025 23:56

I wouldn't think to wash my hands (especially in someone else's house!) with shower gel.

Hand wash = hand wash
Shower gel = shower gel

Show quote history

What difference do you honestly think it makes? It's all soap.

Keirawr · 22/04/2025 01:11

Another thread where OP turns up to ask if they are being unreasonable. 150000 posts later, still arguing with people who have clearly given their view. You know, the view the OP actually asked for.

Original poster
SplodgePocket · 22/04/2025 09:11

And the view I can still disagree with! Do you understand how views work?

OP posts:
Nominative · 22/04/2025 09:20

Keirawr · 22/04/2025 01:11

Another thread where OP turns up to ask if they are being unreasonable. 150000 posts later, still arguing with people who have clearly given their view. You know, the view the OP actually asked for.

Mind you, 149, 800 of those posts are from people who blatantly haven't read what OP wrote. It's quite extraordinary that there are still people asking her why she didn't buy soap.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 22/04/2025 09:28

Nominative · 22/04/2025 09:20

Mind you, 149, 800 of those posts are from people who blatantly haven't read what OP wrote. It's quite extraordinary that there are still people asking her why she didn't buy soap.

Show quote history

Not true,lots of people understood and not every voters comments.

OP sounds insufferable.

One thing to disagree and have the ability to laugh at yourself/the situation, but her tone is so off.
Not surprising how her friend spoke to her, she knows her well.

Original poster
SplodgePocket · 22/04/2025 10:25

Nominative · 22/04/2025 09:20

Mind you, 149, 800 of those posts are from people who blatantly haven't read what OP wrote. It's quite extraordinary that there are still people asking her why she didn't buy soap.

Show quote history

I ran out of soap,
But now I’ve run out of hope -
I cannot cope.

OP posts:
Goodtogossip · 22/04/2025 13:53

I'd be looking for soap or hand wash & wouldn't think to use the Shower Gel. You should've shouted through to her,' The shower gel is in xxxx place' so she knew what you were talking about.

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