Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

18 year old son asked for lunch by family member

359 replies

EWAB · 15/04/2025 15:49

i didn’t know how I should title the thread.

My son is 18 so an adult. A man. He lives at home and will go to university in September.

If a kind of family member, a woman, I imagine in her late 60s/70s told him she was going to be in London over Easter and would he meet her for lunch, would you be tempted to tag along?

OP posts:
Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 15/04/2025 16:46

If my partner was giving money to someone they’d never met I’d be curious to meet them and would also want them to know about my late partner. Doesn’t your son have any curiosity about this man or does he just want to cash the cheque?

StMarie4me · 15/04/2025 16:47

EWAB · 15/04/2025 15:57

My son is going to be a beneficiary of the will of his late half-great uncle. This woman who I might have met once is his partner . Son has never met her and is bemused by the invitation.

No safeguarding issues.

I am intrigued what she has to say to him,

That’s such a drip feed I can’t even be bothered now!

WeeOrcadian · 15/04/2025 16:49

So the elderly relative is the uncle's partner, is she also a beneficiary of the will? Do you suspect she'll try to emotionally blackmail your DS into giving up part of his inheritance?

Original poster
EWAB · 15/04/2025 16:50

StMarie4me

Again I am sorry. Didn’t mean to do that.

OP posts:
Roselilly36 · 15/04/2025 16:52

Absolutely not, if your company was required the relation would have invited you too. Are there any circumstances why you think you should attend?

redboxer321 · 15/04/2025 16:52

I would tread cautiously. There could be a massive amount of money involved, especially if the late uncle owned property in London.
I wonder if the woman knew about the will or if it's come as a shock to her and she's about to lose what she thought of as her home.
Has she been a carer to the man only to get shafted when he died?
Is she going to be alone?
I would be concerned, OP and I think you should be too.
It might all be quite lovely of course but quite possibly not.

Marnie76 · 15/04/2025 16:53

Has the funeral happened already? Maybe she wants to meet some of his family before. If it’s already happened they why have they not met there. I do find it odd when money is left to someone you’ve never met just because blood

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 15/04/2025 16:54

EWAB · 15/04/2025 16:34

I think what SingWithMeJustForToday

says resonates in that if I tagged along and she wanted to say something to my son she wouldn’t if I was there anyway.

I was going out with my sister; I think I will cancel and find somewhere to sit around the corner from the hotel.

I have no issues with his safety but in case she got emotional or weird.

Thank you.

Dear god. Wtf?
Will you be sitting around the corner when he is married with kids?
How will you know if she gets emotional or weird? Are you going to bug the restaurant?
Do you not think as an adult he could mahage himself?

BruFord · 15/04/2025 16:54

EWAB · 15/04/2025 16:34

I think what SingWithMeJustForToday

says resonates in that if I tagged along and she wanted to say something to my son she wouldn’t if I was there anyway.

I was going out with my sister; I think I will cancel and find somewhere to sit around the corner from the hotel.

I have no issues with his safety but in case she got emotional or weird.

Thank you.

I think that’s a good idea @EWAB . Be close by in case he needs you and drill into him that he mustn’t sign anything or even verbally agree to anything.

It’s quite possible that she just wants to meet her late partner’s extended family, but you can’t be sure. 18-year-olds who are still at school are used to being guided and advised by older adults so if she did ask him to agree to something, he may assume that it’s ok, when it could actually have negative consequences for him, iyswim.

Original poster
EWAB · 15/04/2025 16:55

Sleepygrumpyandnothappy

He doesn’t seem to have any curiosity about him. His cousin said something to him along the lines of not feeling guilty (I don’t think he was anyway) and it was just part of their culture. Maybe curiosity might kick in when he is older.

He will be able to access the money but he is sensible but hasn’t really discussed what he wants to do but I definitely don’t get the sense he is desperate to cash the cheque.

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 15/04/2025 16:55

EWAB · 15/04/2025 15:59

MissDoubleU

Sorry if you think it’s a drip feed I just wanted someone’s initial instincts.

How can you have initial instincts if you have no idea of context or backstory.

Under these circumstances then yes I think I would tag along if he wanted me to.

I’m just trying to get my head round half great uncle. I think I need a map 😖

Delphiniumandlupins · 15/04/2025 16:56

You have other DC but only this DS is a beneficiary? Have you seen the will? Maybe I'm being naive ɓut I don't immediately assume this woman is going to try to steal his inheritance.

redboxer321 · 15/04/2025 16:57

How much money are we talking about @EWAB ?
If it's a small amount, I don't see any problem, but if it's substantial, especially if it's linked to the sale of his home, which he might have shared with his partner, I do.

Original poster
EWAB · 15/04/2025 16:57

TheCountofMountingCrispBags

No I don’t interfere with my older son… just this one who is only 18 and lives at home and these are unique circumstances.

OP posts:
Pluvia · 15/04/2025 16:59

Maybe, as he's going to be a beneficiary of his great-uncle's will but never knew him, she wants to take your son out for a nice lunch and tell him a little bit about his great-uncle, so that he knows the man who's left him money.

I would encourage my son to go. This woman has been widowed: perhaps she'd just like to meet the young man who's benefitting from her partner's estate. If it turns out that she has other motives, your son can just get up and leave.

thepariscrimefiles · 15/04/2025 17:00

Roselilly36 · 15/04/2025 16:52

Absolutely not, if your company was required the relation would have invited you too. Are there any circumstances why you think you should attend?

What if the great-uncle's partner didn't know about the will until after he died and she is angry about money being left to fairly distant relations like OP's son who neither she nor the great uncle ever met.

What if she tries to guilt-trip OP's son into giving up her inheritance? OP says that he is a young 18 and so may need some moral support.

BunnyLake · 15/04/2025 17:01

StMarie4me · 15/04/2025 16:47

That’s such a drip feed I can’t even be bothered now!

Show quote history

Zero reason why that couldn’t have been included in the OP. 🙄

HomeTheatreSystem · 15/04/2025 17:01

I can see why you are concerned OP. All you can advise your son if he finds himself boxed into a corner by this woman is to be very non committal. Yes he's an adult but a young one and wiser heads than his would possibly be vulnerable to manipulation if that might be a possibility here.

In your shoes I'd get a copy of the will online so I understood the ins and outs of the bequests which would help me understand her possible motivation in wanting a meeting with him. She may have been promised a bequest which hasn't been reflected in the will and she may be sounding out your son as to whether he'd be prepared to honour his gt. uncle's "wishes". Or she may just be mourning the loss of her partner and want to meet his young relative and have a chance to get to know him. Who knows! Your misgivings are not misplaced but I don't think you should tag along.

thepariscrimefiles · 15/04/2025 17:02

EWAB · 15/04/2025 16:39

Guys genuinely sorry you thought it was a drip feed. I didn’t intend to do that.

I don’t mollycoddle either of my sons but I do think this one is still quite young as he still lives at home and the circumstances are weird.

Has your older son been included in the will or just your younger son?

Fangisnotacoward · 15/04/2025 17:02

Well, I'm suspicious by nature, so I'd assume the only reason she'd want to meet him is to convince him to give up some or all of the inheritance he's about to receive.

I'd be expecting a story along the lines of great uncle intended to change his will to leave everything to partner, but he never got round to it.

Though maybe if they lived together she's possibly worried about losing her home if it was solely in his name, which is fair enough.

BunnyLake · 15/04/2025 17:02

EWAB · 15/04/2025 16:57

TheCountofMountingCrispBags

No I don’t interfere with my older son… just this one who is only 18 and lives at home and these are unique circumstances.

Under these particular circumstances I would maybe go (even if not actually sitting with them) I would tell him to not sign anything in your absence.

Justchillinhere · 15/04/2025 17:04

EWAB · 15/04/2025 16:39

Guys genuinely sorry you thought it was a drip feed. I didn’t intend to do that.

I don’t mollycoddle either of my sons but I do think this one is still quite young as he still lives at home and the circumstances are weird.

I don't see the circumstances as weird, if great Aunt wants to see great nephew and tell him about his great uncle and his wish to leave something in his will to him then that's family history. He might be glad to know what info she's sharing. When we get around to genealogy most people feel sad that they never met relations

steff13 · 15/04/2025 17:07

I wouldn't tag along.

I'm amused that the uncle is "half great." He remembered your son in his will; he sounds all great to me!

Lavenderandbrown · 15/04/2025 17:08

Op couple of things stand out

I'm usa so to me an 18 yr old is not an adult and I would be concerned about this lunch meeting.
she is not family Not even sorta. One she is not blood and two you and your son have met her or late great uncle (LGU)
i would definitely be concerned that now she wants to meet. Do you have any idea of what provisions LGU made for his partner?
DS who is only 18 must be coached re: don’t sign don’t promise be prepared for emotions call if you need me
i hope this has a happy ending for your som and he is able to use the inheritance with a clear heart and mind for his education or home or something he knows his uncle would happy about too.

5128gap · 15/04/2025 17:12

No. I'm fairly confident my DS is no threat to older women so why would I?