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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

18 year old son asked for lunch by family member

359 replies

EWAB · 15/04/2025 15:49

i didn’t know how I should title the thread.

My son is 18 so an adult. A man. He lives at home and will go to university in September.

If a kind of family member, a woman, I imagine in her late 60s/70s told him she was going to be in London over Easter and would he meet her for lunch, would you be tempted to tag along?

OP posts:
BacktoBeginnersFran · 15/04/2025 15:55

To answer your question straightforwardly... No.
I have an 18yr old DS, and if his nan / auntie / cousin (trying to think of the possibilities here) asked him to lunch I wouldn't bat an eyelid.

But obviously there's more to it than that so what is it?....

PaintYourAssLikeRembrandt · 15/04/2025 15:55

I wouldn't tag along to a lunch with my adult offspring unless I had been specifically invited.

MissDoubleU · 15/04/2025 15:55

Waiting for drip feed.

Did your son ask you to tag along?

What are your concerns re: this relative or their intentions?

Starlight1984 · 15/04/2025 15:56

EWAB · 15/04/2025 15:49

i didn’t know how I should title the thread.

My son is 18 so an adult. A man. He lives at home and will go to university in September.

If a kind of family member, a woman, I imagine in her late 60s/70s told him she was going to be in London over Easter and would he meet her for lunch, would you be tempted to tag along?

My son is 18 so an adult. A man.

If a kind of family member, a woman.

Very odd way of wording things....

Boreded · 15/04/2025 15:57

@EWAB hurry up and give us the real reason for it the question.

actually wait…son is really a daughter and it is a middle aged man who is the family member isn’t it. And you are trying to prove that if one is ok then the other should be?

if I am right I expect a prize

JLou08 · 15/04/2025 15:57

I don't understand what your concern is?
An 18 year old man and a 70 year old woman, unless the 18 year old has a disability he is not the vulnerable one in the situation. Also nothing strange about 'kind if family' from different generations meeting for lunch.

TomatoSandwiches · 15/04/2025 15:57

I'm reserving my judgement, what is the backstory?

Original poster
EWAB · 15/04/2025 15:57

My son is going to be a beneficiary of the will of his late half-great uncle. This woman who I might have met once is his partner . Son has never met her and is bemused by the invitation.

No safeguarding issues.

I am intrigued what she has to say to him,

OP posts:
Whoarethoseguys · 15/04/2025 15:58

No, unless I had been invited

LivingDeadGirlUK · 15/04/2025 15:58

I think you are going to have to be more forthcoming about your concerns here OP. I went to uni in a tourist hotspot and often met family members for lunch if they were visiting while I was at uni, it seems perfectly normal.

JandamiHash · 15/04/2025 15:58

I suspect given OP’s wording her DS has asked her to come along for whatever reason.

Original poster
EWAB · 15/04/2025 15:59

MissDoubleU

Sorry if you think it’s a drip feed I just wanted someone’s initial instincts.

OP posts:
JandamiHash · 15/04/2025 15:59

EWAB · 15/04/2025 15:57

My son is going to be a beneficiary of the will of his late half-great uncle. This woman who I might have met once is his partner . Son has never met her and is bemused by the invitation.

No safeguarding issues.

I am intrigued what she has to say to him,

Is she the executor of his will??

TomatoSandwiches · 15/04/2025 15:59

I'd say you aren't invited so no I wouldn't tag along. I would also make sure my son was advised by a solicitor to not sign anything or make verbal promises to anything she says.

Jinglejanglenamechanged25 · 15/04/2025 16:00

OP that’s your son’s money it’s up to him.

eggandonion · 15/04/2025 16:00

Is the great uncle alive or dead...do you think the lady is going to contest the will?

nomas · 15/04/2025 16:00

EWAB · 15/04/2025 15:57

My son is going to be a beneficiary of the will of his late half-great uncle. This woman who I might have met once is his partner . Son has never met her and is bemused by the invitation.

No safeguarding issues.

I am intrigued what she has to say to him,

No, I wouldn’t tag along. Just advise him that if she asks him do anything such as sign paperwork, then he should tell her that he’ll take it away and get back to her.

Boreded · 15/04/2025 16:01

EWAB · 15/04/2025 15:57

My son is going to be a beneficiary of the will of his late half-great uncle. This woman who I might have met once is his partner . Son has never met her and is bemused by the invitation.

No safeguarding issues.

I am intrigued what she has to say to him,

Well yes you should go. You need to make sure she isn’t about to try to convince him to give up the money

Beketaten · 15/04/2025 16:01

Well, it's up to him. Maybe advise him not to sign anything that he is unsure about before taking legal advice, if the will is being discussed.

Spirallingdownwards · 15/04/2025 16:02

EWAB · 15/04/2025 15:57

My son is going to be a beneficiary of the will of his late half-great uncle. This woman who I might have met once is his partner . Son has never met her and is bemused by the invitation.

No safeguarding issues.

I am intrigued what she has to say to him,

Well that's a different scenario altogether. Do you think she is going to try to guilt trip him into giving up his inheritance or inform him that someone is going to dispute the Will (eg. her). With the new information I think I most certainly would tag along!

Dollshousedolly · 15/04/2025 16:02

I wouldn't for along but I think I'd be advising him not to sign anything she might out in front of him and to change subject if there's a mention of finances/Wills.

Fiery30 · 15/04/2025 16:03

Surely your son has asked her the reason for the invitation. And if he is ok with it, I don't see what the issue is. He can always tell you what they spoke over lunch, if you are that interested. Why would you turn up uninvited?

saveforthat · 15/04/2025 16:03

Is the uncle still alive?

ExtraOnions · 15/04/2025 16:04

Eh ? My nephew (18) is at Uni in a city where I often go for work … I took him out for lunch whilst I was up. He seemed grateful for a feed at someone else’s expense 😂

Flamingoknees · 15/04/2025 16:05

Given your update, yes I'd go, if he wanted me to. If he doesn't, ensure he knows not to sign, agree to, or promise, anything, regarding his inheritance. Prepare him for emotional manipulation, begging, lies, or even threats. Probably better if he didn't go.