18 year old son asked for lunch by family member

[EWAB]

i didn’t know how I should title the thread.

My son is 18 so an adult. A man. He lives at home and will go to university in September.

If a kind of family member, a woman, I imagine in her late 60s/70s told him she was going to be in London over Easter and would he meet her for lunch, would you be tempted to tag along?

Last time I read about such an invitation (M.Wesley in A Sensible Life), it was when a relative informed a nephew about bequeathing him an estate. Stay well out of it, don't annoy people. You were not invited. He was.

I would assume she just wants to meet the young man who has been named in her late partner's will. I imagine she is thinking he is an adult, not a child.

I'd be worried she's going to try and pressure him out of the inheritance. Would probably go just to avoid him being awkward anyway as it's a complete stranger. Will he even recognise her?
I wouldn't have wanted to go alone to London to meet a stranger at 18.

This is something altogether different though, an inheritance may be at stake, who knows.

OP ask for an invite

No. Not unless I was invited. Why can't he go for lunch with a family member?
Unless he doesn't want to in which case he should decline.
I fail to see why you think you should be involved.

Yes, rightly or wrongly, I’d be suspicious of her intent.
Could be innocent though, she could just want to tell him what he is going to receive.
The cynic in me would worry she was going to ask him to relinquish some of the inheritance or give her live in rights to a property or something and whilst he is an adult, he still might need some guidance or at least someone with him who would not let this person railroad him into a quick answer.

Or she might just want to get to know him reminisce about her partner.

context is everything OP.

I would advise him not to go!

She is not an executor. Yes the half-great uncle is dead obviously.

Son does wonder what she wants and is tempted to contact his cousin who is also a beneficiary.

He definitely wouldn’t sign anything. I don’t have concerns like that.

Hmm. I would ask him if he would like me to come. And if not, I’d make quite sure he understands not to sign or agree to abything. Tell him to say he will need to talk to his solicitor.

Why is he bemused?

This woman's partner has died and she is wanting to meet the person that her partner left money to. I'm assuming money was left to your son because he knew his half great-uncle? Maybe she thinks it's a nice thing to do, and tell your son some more about the person who has left him money?!? Maybe she wants to meet the young man who her partner clearly liked enough to leave money to? Maybe the money has been left with stipulations and she wants to explain them to him?

I'm sure he'll be fine all by himself!

Hmmm. A bit odd. Yes go with him and make out it was spontaneous. Just in case he’s pressured to give up money

I would probably go into town and chaperone him or whatever, but leave him be for the meeting. If the family member won't know who you are you could sit nearby or in a cafe next door or something just in case your son needs you.

I'd be wary of him getting pressed into signing something etc without fully understanding what it entails.

But he’ll tell you what she said, surely?

And it’s difficult for people to answer instinctively if facts are withheld that are situation specific.

The context is everything and in this case, you have some suspicions about her motives. I would talk to your son about your concerns, see what he wants to do and take your lead from him. At his age, if he definitely doesn't want you there, then you can't force him to take you along, but if he is aware of potential issues, then that might be enough for them not to blindside him if they are brought up.

OP has already stated they hadn’t met. Quite common for elderly people to leave money to young adults in the family.

Not unless you want him to be totally humiliated, he's an adult and mummy shouldn't be thrusting herself into his life. When would you stop, 21. 30, 50 ?

I'd take my lead from my son. Is he happy to meet her by himself or would he prefer you to tag along.

I'd probably tell him not to sign anything though. 😆

I wouldn't tag along however I would advise him to be cautious about what he says to her and agree with others about not signing anything.
It could just be she would like to meet him to see where the money is going, no ill intentions, however as others have said maybe she is unhappy with the will and wants to contest it..

You being curious isn’t enough to justify you tagging along. I’m sure your son is perfectly capable of meeting for lunch, listening, and relaying to you what was discussed (if appropriate) after the fact.

Has your DS been officially informed of his inheritance by the executor or solicitor? So he is aware of what he has coming and any restrictions?

It is none of your business what she says, if he wants you to know then presumably he will report back to HQ.

Sailead ·

Yeah you’re right. Context is everything.

I just think I grapple with him being an adult but still a child. Does that make sense?

Do you know how much your son stands to inherit? Is it life changing or is it a trivial amount?

At 18, it wouldn’t take too much to be life-changing, for example enough to pay Uni fees.

I’m a middle aged woman but if someone wanted to meet me over a will and I didn’t know them and had any sense it was contentious, I’d be bringing someone as moral support and a second pair of ears!

I'd be suspicious of her intentions too. I don't really think you can tag along without making it obvious that you don't trust her. But do brief your son not to be influenced or agree to anything detrimental and certainly not to sign anything.

Maybe this woman, having recently lost her partner, feels it would be nice to connect with his great nephew, who was clearly dear to him if he's a beneficiary in his will. I wouldn't automatically assume an ulterior motive until he's met her.