18 year old son asked for lunch by family member

[EWAB]

i didn’t know how I should title the thread.

My son is 18 so an adult. A man. He lives at home and will go to university in September.

If a kind of family member, a woman, I imagine in her late 60s/70s told him she was going to be in London over Easter and would he meet her for lunch, would you be tempted to tag along?

Even if that’s the case, once he’s got the money he can do what he likes with it. If he has a good relationship with his brother and wants to share money with him he’s entitled to do so.

My post was a reply to another poster who was being very dismissive of and rude about the female relative, quite beyond what she deserved. She wasn't asking for money for herself, which was a main worry on this thread.

No. She was arguably being worse. We don't know why the deceased was so determined to ensure that the eldest son did not benefit from any of the money but while his reasons may have been valid, they may well not have been.
I think MN would have had more sympathy for a woman appealing for help if, for example, she had been financially shafted by a partner who she had cared for for many years.

Oh god you’re back with another thread about your sons inheritance. Your ADULT son’s inheritance has nothing to do with you or your eldest son, get over it already.

Well as far as I'm concerned once DS2 has the money in his pocket it's no one's damned business what he does with it, including the deceased's. Especially if they didn't want someone who I consider family to get it because they weren't 'blood relatives'.

Going under the assumption that the two brothers are close and have a good relationship, as my DB and I do (and being adopted we're not 'blood relations'), I can't see myself not sharing at least some of the money with him should I come into a generous inheritance. Not because I think he should have been in the will, but because I love him and would want him to share in my good fortune.

I think it's brass neck of that woman to make DS1 'promise' not to give his brother anything.

EWAB, your partner's family sees you as a gold digger looking to enrich your oldest son on their money. And they've got the stones to tell your youngest that.

That's a high level of contempt.

If your younger son gave anything to your older son, it would strengthen their perception of you and they would likely make financial moves accordingly.

I’m glad that it wasn’t a scam or something awful as some of us feared.

But my goodness, what a controlling family they are. Your DS2 can give all his money to a cat’s home if he wishes, no one can control what he does with it.

The OPs in laws have been very clear since she met them that although they are kind and polite to her son when in his company they have VERY strong feelings about blood relations. This has played out over the 20 years in weddings, invitations or lack therefore to their summer home and how funds from its sale will be divided out, a previous inheritance to the now 18 Yr old (is this the inheritance that even the blood nieces were ignored with only the males inheiriting?) and now this one. Its no surprise this is the messege being passed on in hindsight, the poor woman is probably afraid she ll be haunted if she doesn't pass the message on as instructed!

RTFT