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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

18 year old son asked for lunch by family member

359 replies

EWAB · 15/04/2025 15:49

i didn’t know how I should title the thread.

My son is 18 so an adult. A man. He lives at home and will go to university in September.

If a kind of family member, a woman, I imagine in her late 60s/70s told him she was going to be in London over Easter and would he meet her for lunch, would you be tempted to tag along?

OP posts:
Original poster
EWAB · 15/04/2025 16:15

We live in London. He has been travelling in London since he was 11.

He never met his half great uncle.

I have no concerns re: his vulnerability. He was hypothesising himself about her motives.

OP posts:
MattCauthon · 15/04/2025 16:18

Your original OP was very vague.

I can easily see why a woman whose partner has left a portion of his estate to a young man (or multiple young people) might want to connect with that person. Is she also a beneficiary or has she been cut out? if the former, it would seem to me she just wants to know the people her DP left his estate to. if the latter, well, I could imagine she might want to put pressure on him to give her some cash.

Bobnobob · 15/04/2025 16:18

if this was my son I would ask if he wanted me to come along, and go with his wishes. It’s pretty simple really!

Original poster
EWAB · 15/04/2025 16:19

JudgeJ … probably when he was at uni maybe. Definitely by the time he was 50!

OP posts:
user1492757084 · 15/04/2025 16:20

It's very sweet.
Almost like a chapter in The Age of Innocence.

Penathought · 15/04/2025 16:20

EWAB · 15/04/2025 16:07

She is not an executor. Yes the half-great uncle is dead obviously.

Son does wonder what she wants and is tempted to contact his cousin who is also a beneficiary.

He definitely wouldn’t sign anything. I don’t have concerns like that.

I'd suggest he contacts his cousin to see if he's been contacted as well. It might make sense for them both to go. He could suggest this to the great-aunt by marriage.

MesmerisingMuon · 15/04/2025 16:21

JandamiHash · 15/04/2025 16:09

OP has already stated they hadn’t met. Quite common for elderly people to leave money to young adults in the family.

Show quote history

Actually the OP stated he had never met his partner.

Only 15 minutes AFTER my post did the OP state they hadn't met the uncle either.

Regardless, I guess the partner just wants to meet the person the money is going to.

Leavemyteam · 15/04/2025 16:23

Has he been contacted with regards to the Will officially yet? I would be concerned she might guilt him into wanting to stay in a house or gifting his share back or rights. Given the circumstances I would probably go for a coffee round the corner and get him to text you if she turns on the waterworks or starts to try and turn the conversation to what she might be entitled to.

SingWithMeJustForToday · 15/04/2025 16:24

would you be tempted to tag along?

No. You're not invited; and if she wants to have a private conversation with your son, she just won't do it while you're there.

If you're not concerned about nefarious intentions or him signing anything, I'd let him go. He's off to uni in September, he needs to be able to hold his own and look after himself. That doesn't mean you can't guide him, but you won't be able to be present as defence.

I'd presume that she wants to meet the people who her late partner thought so highly of that he left things to him in his will; to be honest.

Gymnopedie · 15/04/2025 16:25

Given the circumstances I would probably go for a coffee round the corner and get him to text you if she turns on the waterworks or starts to try and turn the conversation to what she might be entitled to.

My thoughts too. Don't go with him but go somewhere you're only a few minutes away if he needs you rather than half an hour.

everythingthelighttouches · 15/04/2025 16:28

It wouldn’t be unreasonable at all for him to ask her what she wants to talk about. I think it’s odd to ask someone you don’t know to meet up with you without saying what it’s for.

BacktoBeginnersFran · 15/04/2025 16:29

EWAB · 15/04/2025 16:07

She is not an executor. Yes the half-great uncle is dead obviously.

Son does wonder what she wants and is tempted to contact his cousin who is also a beneficiary.

He definitely wouldn’t sign anything. I don’t have concerns like that.

Given your update, I would probably go along if DS wanted me to. (One of them would, the other not so much).
Actually, I like the suggestion of being close by if needed)

IdLikeThingToSpiralIntoControl · 15/04/2025 16:29

EWAB · 15/04/2025 16:07

She is not an executor. Yes the half-great uncle is dead obviously.

Son does wonder what she wants and is tempted to contact his cousin who is also a beneficiary.

He definitely wouldn’t sign anything. I don’t have concerns like that.

I have a similar age ASD DC and, in the circumstances you describe, I absolutely would go.

I know how easy it could be for them to be made to feel guilty/tug at their heart strings OR how easily they could be wounded if they were to throw a load of ‘you don’t deserve it/it should be mine’ accusations at them.

Of course it could all be a perfectly innocent ‘just want to meet you’ meeting, but I would go.

Bogginsthe3rd · 15/04/2025 16:30

EWAB · 15/04/2025 15:57

My son is going to be a beneficiary of the will of his late half-great uncle. This woman who I might have met once is his partner . Son has never met her and is bemused by the invitation.

No safeguarding issues.

I am intrigued what she has to say to him,

This is such a weird drip feed if you wanted any useful feedback.

OP: my 18 yr old son is meeting an elderly women in London for lunch

OP later: Oh it's to discuss a Will for sure

OP later ? : Son is also sole beneficiary to the Cyril Sneer dynasty. He hates racoons.

18 year old son asked for lunch by family member
IdaGlossop · 15/04/2025 16:30

Let him go, in both senses. It's one of the ways he'll learn how to be an adult.

viques · 15/04/2025 16:33

EWAB · 15/04/2025 15:57

My son is going to be a beneficiary of the will of his late half-great uncle. This woman who I might have met once is his partner . Son has never met her and is bemused by the invitation.

No safeguarding issues.

I am intrigued what she has to say to him,

Well after the lunch he will be able to tell you. Please report back.

Original poster
EWAB · 15/04/2025 16:34

I think what SingWithMeJustForToday

says resonates in that if I tagged along and she wanted to say something to my son she wouldn’t if I was there anyway.

I was going out with my sister; I think I will cancel and find somewhere to sit around the corner from the hotel.

I have no issues with his safety but in case she got emotional or weird.

Thank you.

OP posts:
flyoverstate · 15/04/2025 16:35

As I suspected there was a back story. No I wouldn’t go but I would be clear with your dc that he shouldn’t agree to anything on the trip. Maybe the lady may have no negative issues at all but wanted to meet the beneficiaries of the will to talk about her DP? He won’t know until he meets her.

redcord · 15/04/2025 16:35

EWAB · 15/04/2025 15:57

My son is going to be a beneficiary of the will of his late half-great uncle. This woman who I might have met once is his partner . Son has never met her and is bemused by the invitation.

No safeguarding issues.

I am intrigued what she has to say to him,

Ooh this sounds like the rather delicious premise of a Sunday evening costume drama. I'm sure Charles Dickens has written a story about this.

I say pip pip and what larks, let the lad go and let him be the hero of his own life.

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 15/04/2025 16:35

When I’m in my 60s or 70s I hope I have some polite young men to accompany me to lunch.

*Completely missing the point of the thread and turning it into my personal daydream.

LetTheWindBlowBackYourHair · 15/04/2025 16:38

I can see why you want to go, it'd be hard not to be very nosey and intrigued by this woman, but your son would need to ask this lady if it is ok if you tag along. To turn up uninvited is really rude and a bit over the top parenting.

Plus, you might jeopardise his millions! 😆

Original poster
EWAB · 15/04/2025 16:39

Guys genuinely sorry you thought it was a drip feed. I didn’t intend to do that.

I don’t mollycoddle either of my sons but I do think this one is still quite young as he still lives at home and the circumstances are weird.

OP posts:
Quiceinalifetime · 15/04/2025 16:39

I think you are being unduly suspicious, OP. Most likely she wants to meet the nephew of her late partner because he used to talk about him, or was fond of him, or she's wishing she had made more effort to get to know the family when he was alive. If you are worried that she might for example want him to hand over his legacy to her, just remind your son that he doesn't know this woman and should listen politely to any requests or suggestions she makes and take advice before agreeing to anything.
If you're worried that she might get emotional, having recently suffered a major bereavement, I'm sure your son will cope, in a public place. Expecting her to be 'weird' is a bit of a stretch unless you know something you haven't mentioned.

ItGhoul · 15/04/2025 16:40

EWAB · 15/04/2025 15:57

My son is going to be a beneficiary of the will of his late half-great uncle. This woman who I might have met once is his partner . Son has never met her and is bemused by the invitation.

No safeguarding issues.

I am intrigued what she has to say to him,

Probably would have helped to explain that in your original post, as it makes a big difference to the context.

If you're asking 'Is an 18-year-old old enough to have lunch alone with a much older relative' then the answer is yes, of course he bloody is and it would be weird to insist on going with him.

But if you're asking 'It is possible that a much older relative, who is the partner of someone who has died and left my son a sum of money, might have an ulterior motive involving manipulating him out of his inheritance and should I go along to make sure this doesn't happen' that's a very different question.

Assuming it's the latter, given that your son is an adult (whether you think of him as one or not) I think you need to respect whatever he wants you to do. If he feels awkward, weird or nervous about the whole thing, or he thinks he might find it hard to navigate things if she starts guilt-tripping him or trying to make him sign anything legal, then offer to go with him. But if he's confident he could deal with that if it happened, then he can obviously go alone if he wants. Definitely have a talk with him about it all first.

ScribblingPixie · 15/04/2025 16:45

Isn't it most likely that she's wanting to tell your son about the man who has left him money in his will? And discover who is going to benefit from her partner's generosity? You say they never met but isn't your son at all interested in him? It does rather come across as if your only concern is money. I would understand more if your concern was that he's too young to be dealing with a recently bereaved woman and wanted to make sure the meeting went ok for both of them.
Edited to say: I've read your update.