18 year old son asked for lunch by family member

[EWAB]

i didn’t know how I should title the thread.

My son is 18 so an adult. A man. He lives at home and will go to university in September.

If a kind of family member, a woman, I imagine in her late 60s/70s told him she was going to be in London over Easter and would he meet her for lunch, would you be tempted to tag along?

An older lady relative who may otherwise be alone on Easter asking a young relative to join her for a meal? I would absolutely not join them.

I am perplexed as to why a random stranger asks to meet a young adult and you agreed. He can say no. There is no obligation to meet and a reasonable question would - why do you want to meet or discuss? Unless she says upfront what she wants to discuss just say no.

You should probably read all the OPs posts!

No, not if I am not invited.

I can’t see any reason for her to want to meet him other than to ask for money, give a sob story or to cause trouble. Presumably she knows that he wasn’t close to the deceased, so it’s not as if it’s for sentimental reasons.

18 is young to deal with this sort of thing. My eldest is an adult, and despite them being over 18, I would absolutely guide them
in this situation and strongly discourage the meeting.

Can he contact the solicitors and find out if they have heard of her and/or if they know of any problems coming from her?

@EWAB I think you need to be giving him the tools and strategies to navigate this but not necessarily doing it for him. I think the compromise of your husband introducing himself is a good one.

So things like contacting the solicitors, not agreeing to anything (and helpful phrases to use), not being specific with his plans for the money, not giving info away about the cousin, ending the lunch gracefully if things go sideways, etc.

Yes that’s good advice from saltine ^

It's not unreasonable to go with your son if he asks you to go along as support, as he has never met this person before and as its her partner who has put him in the will, it most probably is concerning the will, in which case I would ask him if he would like yourself or someone else to accompany him. 18 is adult but still young, and he may need advise/support to protect his interests. Speak to your son and if he doesn't want anyone to go with him atleast explain your worries and give him advise not to agree to, or sign anything. Good luck.

Sorry if I have misunderstood, but if this lady is the widow of your son's recently deceased great uncle, and the GU left your son lots of money in his will, maybe she just wants to meet people who were important to her husband.

Based solely on what you've said in your original post, yes it would be unreasonable to tag along uninvited.

I’m surprised your 18 year old Ds would want to go to lunch with this old woman who he has never met…
How bizzare!
She’ll be after money, I can guarantee it…
Just because someone invites you to lunch, doesn’t mean you have to go and in this case I hope your Ds doesn’t…

Ah. Well you should not go along. But ask him for a debrief.

That’s a good idea, keep us posted.

It’s all very odd and suspicious to me. Either she’s gonna try and talk him round to giving up his inheritance, or she’s gonna ask him for money somehow, get hi, to say or sign something. I can’t honestly imagine what else it could be. Nothing good that’s for sure.

I know I see things differently at my age, given that during the 1990s when I was 18 it was not at all uncommon to have left home by that point and even those who hadn't were very much considered to be adults (heaven knows I left school and went to work when I was 16), but I'm failing to see why an 18 year old can't take all this in his stride. If nothing else it's going to be useful life experience.

The woman who wants to meet with him is not an executor, therefore there's nothing she can do to take any inheritance away from this young man. She'll only get it if (when he eventually gets it) he hands it to her.

That, or he signs some sort of deed of variation, but then the solicitors and executors have got to agree to that and for it to be in the best interests of all concerned. That's never going to happen.

Still no idea why you need to go nor what him being a man has to do with it it is not Jane Austen territory

I'm looking forward to the update....

I can imagine it. Older lady, wants to meet some of her husbands extended family to wish him well, then goes back to where she came from and is never heard of again. Meanwhile mum tries to brainwash son into thinking this was totally weird and should never have happened.

When I think of the life experiences my peers and I had long before we were 18, I cannot imagine why this is even an issue. I remember going to London on my own from the West Midlands when I was 15, and going into Birmingham city centre alone on a bus on a Saturday morning was perfectly normal for most of us after the age of about 12.

If you don't have any decent advice then hush! Did you see the part where OP has agreed for her dp to accompany him, shake hands with the lady and leave. A mother has a right to be concerned in this circumstance where a lady wants to meet her son likely linked to a will she is not a part of. Go get lost somewhere with your pathetic response.

Are you the older relative doing a reverse because his mum is tagging along?

Or are you the mum and you suffered at the hands of this person when you were younger?

Or you're the mum who won't accept her son's an adult and thinks it's ok to gatecrash?

Or you're worried she's going to tell him some truths that will make you look bad?

We haven't the faintest idea how to answer this.

I think there's a very good chance that this lady simply thinks that an 18 year old young man, about to start university, is an adult. She probably didn't invite either parent to accompany him because she doesn't think he's a child.

No, I wouldn't tag along, that's just weird. I thank my lucky stars my DM didn't treat me like a child when I was 18.

Will you please report back and let us know if this lady is being weird/dodgy or just wanting to meet your son?
I also recommend that your son has an “appointment” to get to about 1.5hrs after the meeting time. It’s time for lunch and a quick chat, and then he has to leave so he can make this imaginary appointment. (It could be with his dad around the corner, but it’s best she doesn’t know about that.)

And if she isn’t alone, he should stay.

Did you read the OPs follow up posts?