18 year old son asked for lunch by family member

[EWAB]

i didn’t know how I should title the thread.

My son is 18 so an adult. A man. He lives at home and will go to university in September.

If a kind of family member, a woman, I imagine in her late 60s/70s told him she was going to be in London over Easter and would he meet her for lunch, would you be tempted to tag along?

Sounds like a sensible solution all around, OP.

It is an odd situation and one in which it would be best for any young adult to feel someone is nearby who has their back. If indeed, he need meet her at all.

As usual on AIBU, several pages of weird responses from random numpties.

PP are saying that the woman might be annoyed that the uncle left the nephew everything, but I don't see anywhere where the OP says it's everything. In fact she says another cousin is a beneficiary too.

If the son is getting a lot of money, she probably just wants to say hi and may assume that he might like to know a little about the man who has left him such a sum. She's the best person for that. She might also want to share - possibly on behalf of the deceased - why he left him the money. Sounds like the man was a kindly old benefactor.

The partner might have her own money and being a partner, not a spouse, she's probably independent. They might not even live together.

I don't see for a moment why a parent can't go with him. In fact, I think it's probably best, because he's very young and there might be some talk about estates/wills that he doesn't understand.

He might want the family solicitor on speed dial if things get unfriendly. This could be Great Expectations but with an unhappy ending.

Looking forward to update.

Exactly this

Suggest he message her and tell her as this is an unusual situation I'll need to know what you'd like to discuss with me first

I have to admit I'm thinking this.

The woman is not a widow leaglly as she wasn't married to the man leaving the money.

Also if there another older cousin who has also been left money has he been asked for a meal or is it just the 18 year old?

18 still at home in sixth form very different to same kids left home for even a term at uni - there's a lot more naivety and lack of life experience.

I think if the meal takes palce his dad introducing himself reminding him not to sign anything and that he will be nearby if things get awkward - in front of her letting them both know there back up proably best thing that can be done here.

People can behave really badly over money and inheritance. I was an extremely independent 18 year old but wouldn't have had the experience to deal with this. It's only something you see over time as family and friends you thought you knew start to behave 'out of character' and grabby.

Do you think she is going to try and emotionally blackmail your son in to not accepting the inheritance if she isn’t a beneficiary? Maybe she thinks she should have inherited?

I agree with this too.

All the conversation about whether 18 is old enough to manage on their own is a red herring in this situation - as a 50-year-old I’d take a friend with me in this situation.

I’d advise a 20/30/40 year old to so too.

People get weird around wills and money.

If she simply wanted to connect with her partner’s family and share some memories etc she would have contacted the OP’s DH first because he’s her late partner’s nephew.

It’s suspicious that she has gone straight to the 18 year old beneficiary - who she’s never met - and has not given any context for her lunch request.

I think if the OP's son is named in a Will, he has to accept it. I don't think he can refuse his inheritance. If the widow lady was left nothing by her partner and is annoyed by this fact, then she has to challenge the Will in court.

In England, yes you can absolutely refuse an inheritance. That doesn't mean it goes to a person who the deceased made no provision for, you'd have to accept it and then give it to them yourself for that.

tbf she doesn't sound hugely physically threatening but .... 🤔you all seem terrified of her. Am I missing something?

It’s suspicious that she has gone straight to the 18 year old beneficiary - who she’s never met - and has not given any context for her lunch request.

Who else would she go to?

For a catch up with her late partner’s family - if this is just an innocent sharing memories, getting to know you lunch then she should have contacted her partner’s nephew the 18-year-old’s Dad - the member of the family she has met before not a teenager she’s never met.

Unless she is trying to bypass the experienced adults in favour of the teenager who happens to be the beneficiary.

Unless she is trying to bypass the experienced adults in favour of the teenager who happens to be the beneficiary.

Well "bypass" is one way of looking at it. I took it that she has no interest in speaking to anyone else in the family, hence why she's speaking to the organ grinder and not the monkey.

The 18 year old is the organ grinder in the sense that he might be able to give her something that she wants because she thinks there’s a chance he might not know better?

You've posed that as a question, but I cannot see what you're asking. I didn't want to seem rude by not replying.

Why not the parent, one of which is also a relative? But to want to see the beneficiarie does seem sus.

Presumably because he's 18 and an adult.

It’s going to be a sob story about staying in the house or having access to funds. I have read the full thread but I still don’t think that an older woman is interested in getting to know a very young adult distant(ish) relative of her deceased chap. It’s not the same as an involved aunt/great aunt taking her young relative for lunch now and then.

Obviousky if he was expecting her to provide emotional and. Practical support in his final months/years but made no provision for her ongoing welfare in his will, it absolutely sucks. But it’s not the OP son’s problem.

We don't know enough to judge but it's quite possible the deceased had been cohabiting with this lady and maybe said she needed to contribute to the roof over her head, which she did with whatever capital she had at her disposal, on the promise he'd bequeath it back to her in his will... and hasn't. All might be verifiable with bank transactions, written documentation etc but I wouldn't jump to assuming she's trying to get something for nothing. Costs nothing to hear and consider what she has to say without obligation on his part, but I wouldn't close my ears off to it without listening first, non comitally ofc.

I think it's likely to be a complicated, difficult and fraught conversation.

Probably to do with her not getting what she'd been led to expect from the partner she wasn't married to. Which is a shame, but not his responsibility.

And maybe an intention to approach him as a soft easily manipulated target barely out of adolescence. The lunch is likely to be an attempt to create a sense of obligation. I did this nice thing for you. Now you do a nice thing for me.

I think it might be wise for him to decline the lunch invitation (a pressing family matter etc), but perhaps be open to a phone / zoom conversation a parent could be there for. In case it needed shutting down and he didn't feel able to.

Agree with much of what @2JFDIYOLO says but if the woman has been shafted by the late GF and the son is in a position to help her, then he should at least consider it.
He's got £120k off someone else I think?
It would be nice to be open to the idea of helping the woman depending on circumstances of course but he should in no way feel obliged to obviously.