18 year old son asked for lunch by family member

[EWAB]

i didn’t know how I should title the thread.

My son is 18 so an adult. A man. He lives at home and will go to university in September.

If a kind of family member, a woman, I imagine in her late 60s/70s told him she was going to be in London over Easter and would he meet her for lunch, would you be tempted to tag along?

Goodness me. This is totally a drip feed as you said a sort of elderly family member wants to meet him for lunch in London, is it weird?

No, it's not weird if he is inheriting some of the estate of his Great Uncle, this lady's late husband. !

Has he not had details yet of what he is inheriting? When is he inheriting it? Does this Great Aunt have any say in what happens?

Who knows, there may have been some caviats or conditions, maybe she just wants to tell him about his generous relative, maybe there was some wish or message or other from the Great Uncle.

Either way, the notion that you need to be round the corner in case she gets 'weird' or 'emotional' is, to me, very weird.

He could reply nicely, say that would be lovely, and go.
Of course not agree to anything on the lunch.
Of course be alert to make sure he's not going to be bundled off in a Trabant with a blindfold.
Perhaps he should wear his trainers. For running away🙄

My concern would be she turns up and says something along the lines of "Here's the paperwork. You stand to inherit £75,000, just sign here...", but not mentioning he's forfeiting £250k/a property/etc. in the process.

When I was 18 that was an unimaginable amount of money and I would have snapped the pen trying to sign the contract so quickly!

The other possibility is that there's a trust fund and she is a trustee. We had that on our wills, so none of our kids had access to cash without going through the trustees, until they were 25.
But I would actually like a parent present, just to be on the safe side.

I absolutely go with your son to the meeting and sit down face to face to hear what she has to say.

This is one meeting where if your son signs something or verbally agrees to something, there may be no turning back.

An 18 year old is not smart enough to understand the legal consequences of what he is signing. Often, it's not what is written that lands you in hot water as well.

Imagine if she presented your son with a cheque for 40,000 pounds there and then but if he doesn't take it, then he will have less. All he will see is the dollar signs.

WHERE IS THE EXECUTOR OF THE WILL ?
IF YOU SON IS A BENEFICIARY, WHY HAS THE EXECUTOR NOT CONTACTED YOU ?

AND

You don'[t know this woman. You really don't .

You are going there to protect your son's inheritance.
You don't owe this woman anything.

Hello, Mysterious Relative!

Safeguarding. Do be serious he's 18 years old not 18 months old. He's been invited to lunch by a relative who's in her 60s./70s. What safeguarding exactly do you think is required???

Hello Auntie,

Thank you for the lunch invitation. Can you tell me what it is about and what do you want to talk about ?

mazxim

The executors contacted my son directly, a firm of rural solicitors.

There is no trust or anything. She is not an executor or beneficiary.

My partner is going to pop in to say hello and see if everything is ok.

If he is confident he will have lunch else where.

Son can be trusted not to say anything or sign anything. That was never a concern.

Meeting will be on Monday.

Omg
Your partner (is he DSs dad?) Is going to 'pop in' to a restaurant where 2 people are having a meal??
Is he going to hide behind a potted palm and spy on them, or march straight to the table and say 'aye up, son, has she asked you for anything and are you scared?'&

He will go in at the beginning i.e. walk in with son. Shake hands and leave. Son wants this as well.

Maybe she'll take him for a tattoo or similar

YAB off the scale U imo

Has his cousin who was the other beneficiary had an invite out?

My advice to my dc of similar age would be to decline the lunch, and agree a telephone call. He can sound her out first, and then decide if he would like to meet her in person.

I am guessing she is going to ask him to remain in the house, or similar. Whatever it is - it’s unlikely to benefit your child.

No, don't tag along, if he wants to go, he should go, and enjoy being treated for lunch, I know I would, if he's going to University he sounds intelligent enough to look after himself, and enjoy some lively conversation with the lady.

@EWAB

Being of a suspicious nature, I'd say chances are this person is probably going to ask your son for money. What other reason could she possibly have? It wouldn't make sense for her to try and get him to refuse the inheritance since she's not in the will. Since she's not a beneficiary no refused legacy would revert to her. But trying to wheedle money out of a young person by playing on their sympathy or guilt? Yep, I could see that.

At 18 my DS1 would tell her (politely) where to get off. But DS2? At 18 he'd have been much more susceptible to a sob story.

Maybe it's s birth mum, or birth grandmother.

Given the circumstances, why on earth would this woman invite him to lunch, without telling him why ????

If she had good intentions, she would have announced them in the invitation.

I don't see why your DS has to meet her at all.

I agree that it is an odd request and that she may try to pull on his heart strings re sharing his inheritance or try to catch him out somehow.

Can he not just say no to the meet?

I'd be concerned she's going to try to bully him out of some/all of his inheritance..

So having a mature, supportive adult there or close at hand if he needs them seems sensible to me!

Perhaps she knows your Son is going to University and wants to make sure he has the funds for the essentials he will need?

Perhaps she will say that she wishes him every success?

My Nan died in 1988 and I had no automatic right to the small inheritance left to me until I was 21. My Aunt however who was the executor of her will decided to allow me to inherit the money at 18 because I was going to university and thought that it would be better to give it to me then!

she had put the money into a bond and doubled the value of it.

I spent it on a computer and deposit for halls of residence accommodation.

I see you describe this lady as partner not wife. Do you think that late half-great uncle and this lady met later in life and decided to keep their finances separate? Nevertheless, I can see that if he didn't have children of his own, that she may have assumed that his money would go to her or her children rather than distant relatives. If so his will was probably a shock! That doesn't excuse attempting to put pressure on an 18 year old.

Maybe she might put him in her will?

Your son is an adult now. It’s normal for him to have family relationships without you there.

People who are "concerned". What are you concerned about? The late great half uncle (hope I've got that right) has left him money in his will. There's nothing this woman who might be in her 60s can do about that now.

I haven't RTFT but has he messaged her and said "thank you for the invitation, it's a bit of a surprise, especially as we've never met. Can you tell me why you want to meet in advance?" or anything eminently sensible like that.

I cringe at the idea of OP hiding out in a hotel round the corner.

Well this is all very curious