To think that Millennials / Gen Z have sucked the joy out of weddings?

[EveryFlavourJellyBeans]

Sort of inspired by a few threads I've seen on here and on Reddit. I'm a geriatric millennial and went to quite a few weddings in my childhood and 20s and I read some of the stories on here with a mixture of horror and fascination.

Elaborate hen / stag dos abroad costing guests thousands and if you can't afford to go then you don't make the wedding guest list.

Unreasonable demands for parents with babies in arms, along the lines of not even wanting the baby in the venue looked after by another so that Mum can nip out and BF etc or being offended when parents turn down invites to multi day events miles away from where they live.

Elaborate colour schemes with dress codes for guests, unflattering dresses for bridesmaids etc. Demands that bridesmaids pay for dresses they will never wear again.

Some of the nicest weddings I've been to are low key shindigs in village halls, where everyone was relaxed and happy instead of being uncomfortable, posing for endless photos for the Instagram shots.

Is it social media driven? Does everyone only care about how the wedding looks and not if guests are having a good time?

I think there’s a little generational, a little cultural, and a little performance.

I’m with you on the best weddings. Whole families, dancing, food, booze and fun. Cheap to attend and wonderful memories but the photos aren’t anything. GenZ might surprise you. My DD’s favourite wedding as a Scots/Irish shindig in a tent, pig roast, dancing and pissed up rellies. LOVED it. No Insta required.

It's not just the bride and groom who are to blame though.

It's the guests who are happy to jump through hoops.

I don't do hen dos abroad, or destination weddings. I decline the invite and wish them well.

It's never caused a problem so far.

I think it’s less generational and more to do with cultures in social groups - none of my friends have done a hen or stag abroad or anything expensive, wedding have had different budgets and types but overwhelmingly they’ve been family affairs with kids welcome and no one giving a toss what guests wear. All in all very chill to attend.

I’ve only been to brilliant weddings tbh of all my friends (millennials) nothing huge or showy - all registry office followed by a big party with really good band or dj and loads of dancing.

I’d think it depends what kind of people you hang out with

Millennial here our wedding was 10 years ago and had camping on site to keep it cheap along with bring your favourite tipple.
Most weddings we have attended were village hall, in a field or low key barn. Out of 8 wedding we had in 1 year (yes 8!) only one was in a hotel and none were as your describing. A few were child free with exception of babies under 1.
Never been to a hen do abroad, personally my hen do was a low key weekend which cost everyone £80 each for the weekend including food!

For everything you see on social media there is at least another 50 normal weddings out there!

You’re using made up exaggerated stories to form your opinion of weddings you haven’t been to.
Firstly the oldest Gen Z is 28 and that’s far below the average age for getting married so few weddings will be gen z bride and grooms.

Its not normal or common for people to give guests a colour scheme. Nor is it the done thing for UK bridesmaids to pay for their dress.

I’ve been to probably 40 weddings and I can’t say there’s anything about a cheaper wedding that makes it inherently better.

You are very judgmental.

Theres always been extravagant weddings from various generations and a need to keep up with the jones, and those that don’t, I don’t think it’s a generation thing. Most of the millennial edddings I’ve been too haven’t been like that.

I got married at 25 and we had a cheap village hall type wedding. Loads of food, cheap drink, music, dancing. It was FAB! we did have a photographer but mostly in the background kind of thing.

It massively pre dates social media.

i sort of groan a bit when people say the best wedding they’ve been to was in some village hall. Really?

I’ve been to some crap weddings in village halls/ garden marquees/ other cheap venues. People have run out of drinks, water, glass hire, food etc. the acoustics haven’t works for the music. There has been nothing to explore or do.

Conversely , the best wedding I went to was at claridges. What a once in a life time experience.

I also generally have a better time at the weddings I’ve people I’m closest too, regardless.

i think OTt hen parties and favours etc have always been a thing- at least for the last 20 years. What I think is the worst part is people who don’t have much money trying to get that day cheaply- so there is always an overarching anxiety about money both on the day and the stag and hens, it’s poorly hosted because there is so much anxiety and not enough hosting skill, and money is wasted on pointless but cheap things that people think add value to the day, like favours or a chocolate fountain.

basically OTT weddings are a bit pre Covid, so I guess in that sense you’re right it’s quite gen z/ millennial ie old people

You’ll always see the worst ones online. The vast majority of weddings are completely fine.

It's social media. Ups the ante and everything being done for appearances. Plus 2 decades of cheap debt allowed the wedding market to get out of hand.

A much younger family member got married pre covid and their proposal was over the top. Involved an Italian cruise, researching a restaurant in Florence, buying a special box to present the ring and hiring a photographer to capture the moment. They haven't got any money so the whole over elaborate affair presumably went on credit. Wedding was lovely though and very well thought out.

I notice baby groups seem even more neurotic than my day (and 15 years ago we were pretty neurotic!).

Late stage capitalism. What can you do?

To add, often pressure about weddings comes from parents.

Personally i find weddings increasingly tedious, difficult to work out whether they've become worse or it's because my alcohol consumption has dropped over time..

I’m 33, id hate one of these 30k professional weddings with everything matching etc. give me a village hall and some kegs of beer anyday!

laughing at "old people"

I wholeheartedly agree with you. It's all for social media clicks. And as for those hideous balloon arches.... tacky as TOWIE!

It is though isn’t it. Stood in the corner with pursed lips like Bridget jones mum stage whispering “it’s all a bit SHOWY is it liz?” “I heard they put the honey moon on a credit card” “well I heard they took out a loan” “the brides a bit ROTUND for a line, don’t you think?”

My least favourite are hotel weddings, it all just feels a bit soulless and over polished. The best ones have been where there is outside space and sunshine!

I married 25 years ago (long divorced) and had one of those cheap and cheerful village hall type of weddings. We had a church wedding because it was the church where i had been christened and where my parents married. My dress was second hand and I did the invitations and flowers myself, with my mothers help, apart from the bouquets for me and the bridesmaids which were fine by a florist in town. We had some people come in the evening for a disco with a DJ my brother knew.

None of it was what I wanted and everything was imposed on me by my family.

Village hall type weddings are not the panacea and my one regret is that I did not stick to my guns and have the hotel that we wanted for the whole thing on the north coast of Cornwall. I look back now with nothing but depression and I’ll never get another chance.

So good on those brides and grooms who know what they want for their day and arrange it so they get it.

Gen X here and seen things you have mentioned years ago

Child free weddings were definitely around in the 80s. Family members of mine had them

I went on a few abroad hens in the late 90s/ early 00s with my fellow Gen Xers

One trend I have seen with younger parents is being hesitant leaving their child to attend events such as this. In my friendship groups local babysitters will be used, family will travel to where we are in London to babysit to allow couples to go to weddings etc.

Whereas I see on here people not wanting to leave their child with anyone else until they are nearly in secondary school. No shade on this if that’s your choice but it’s not my experience of parents in real life

Most weddings aren’t like this, it’s just nobody posts a thread about a normal wedding and if they didn’t it wouldn’t gain enough traction for you to come across it. You see wedding stories like these because the behaviour is so outrageous/ unreasonable the threads end up popular. Also bear in mind that not everything on the internet is real, no doubt OPs exaggerate or even make up stories like this some of the time so the post is more popular.

I don’t think GenZs or Millenials as a whole are any more awful when it comes to weddings than previous generations, it’s just in the past there wasn’t a forum to post about the awful behaviour of brides and grooms (or a place to make up elaborate stories and portray them as truth either).

OI! less ageism if you please!

There were definitely unflattering bridesmaid dresses in the ‘80s!

I’ve only been to Millennial weddings and they were all (minus the one below) inclusive and fun! Never been asked to go abroad for any of it, all local to where people lived (which wasn’t local for me but it’s common that people don’t all live in the same town anymore)

Only one was a child free event and it was a GenX/Millennial partnership so also doesn't fit your narrative

25 years ago there was an awful website for brides to be called Hitched where people bored on about favours and debated the merits of child free weddings. I don’t think you can just blame the Millennials for bad taste, low fun weddings.

I'm smack bang in the middle of the millennial age bracket and couldn't agree more. And from posts on here it just sounds like it's got worse than when people my age were marrying. We cut our cloth to suit the guest list we needed to invite rather than offend all our nearest and dearest. Everyone was invited to everything on the day and no children were excluded.