To think that Millennials / Gen Z have sucked the joy out of weddings?

[EveryFlavourJellyBeans]

Sort of inspired by a few threads I've seen on here and on Reddit. I'm a geriatric millennial and went to quite a few weddings in my childhood and 20s and I read some of the stories on here with a mixture of horror and fascination.

Elaborate hen / stag dos abroad costing guests thousands and if you can't afford to go then you don't make the wedding guest list.

Unreasonable demands for parents with babies in arms, along the lines of not even wanting the baby in the venue looked after by another so that Mum can nip out and BF etc or being offended when parents turn down invites to multi day events miles away from where they live.

Elaborate colour schemes with dress codes for guests, unflattering dresses for bridesmaids etc. Demands that bridesmaids pay for dresses they will never wear again.

Some of the nicest weddings I've been to are low key shindigs in village halls, where everyone was relaxed and happy instead of being uncomfortable, posing for endless photos for the Instagram shots.

Is it social media driven? Does everyone only care about how the wedding looks and not if guests are having a good time?

Getting married during covid was such a blessing in disguise for us. 30 guests and nobody was offended because it was the law. We had a lovely day.

I’ve been to some crap weddings in village halls/ garden marquees/ other cheap venues. People have run out of drinks, water, glass hire, food etc. the acoustics haven’t works for the music. There has been nothing to explore or do
what should there be to do at a wedding or explore where?

I know a wedding that was child free in 1972, that snot a new thing

I think social media has maybe made some aspects of weddings less realistic - the florist who did my wedding (2017) said she dreaded being shown Pinterest boards of floral arches/huge walls of roses that simply aren’t possible in the UK, or for less than £50k. I showed her a photo of my gran’s wedding in 1937 and said, A bouquet like that, please, and she seemed quite relieved.

I planned my wedding on hitched it was god awful (and resulted in some godawful wedding looks too!)

apolgeis all I’ve realised I read this as millennials and gen X ruining weddings. I don’t think gen Z are particularly getting married in big numbers, they’re between 13 and 28 years old!

Anyway it’s us oldies who are into posting photos in social media for the likes. Gen z barely go near meta

Why do you need anything to explore or do? It should be about spending time with the bride/groom/wider community and celebrating.

Millennials aren't "old people" and gen z certainly aren't!

And as for childfree weddings, I wasn’t on a guest list until I was about 11, back in the 80s. Funerals were for 16+.

When you go to a fab wedding venue, like a stately home, a museum, a classic hotel or somewhere even more interesting there is loads to see and explore! I went to a wedding at a boarding school once and it was incredible. And a couple at Oxford uni there was loads to explore. Oh and one at London zoo! You tell me some village hall is more interesting than that 😂😂

I don’t think this is limited to a particular generation. In every era there have been those who conform to trends or to social expectations, or who want to flex and show off, or are starchy and formal, or grabby and difficult - and those who want to have a fun day with family and friends, and are happy being more relaxed and low key, or just basically more generous and accommodating.

I’ve been to every type of wedding (and hen do) imaginable and the style of it always depends on the couple, not their age. Social media contributes a hell of a lot of irritating bullshit to the mix now, but not everyone is a slave to that rubbish.

In fact, the Millennial wedding we’re attending this year is beautifully understated and low pressure, and I know it’s going to be fun - but that’s because the couple are fun and unshowy and secure in themselves, and intelligent enough not to be staging the entire thing for Insta clout.

I don't think it is a millennial thing, more of a social media obsession with showing off thing, which is probably more prevalent amongst younger people...

Often the more lavish the wedding the shorter the marriage. I have noticed many people (women in particular) are more interested in the event rather than the aftermath of actually being married.

The number of weddings I have attended that have cost the couple their combined salary for the year seems insane to me, when they have enormous mortgages and maxed out credit cards, that £40k could have been put to better use... But each to their own.

Speaking for myself, I'm 33 and had the lowest key wedding of anyone I have ever met. We got married at the village church with 2 witnesses £500, my dress was £300 from Needle & Thread, no cake, no reception. We drove straight to our honeymoon which was a penthouse suite at a luxury hotel in Bath for a few nights, this was the main cost of the whole event. My DH is a millionaire and I could have had an ostentatious circus had I wanted, it just isn't my thing. Nice jewellery and a nice honeymoon over a day of chaos every time.

I just don’t see the point of weddings. If people want to get married that’s fine but the whole wedding day thing is ridiculous and tedious. Thankfully most of my friends never bothered to get married and those that did just went and did it on the quiet and then told people afterwards. If I get wind of one on the horizon I swiftly make alternative plans that clash with the date.

I have never found weddings particularly joyful. I go because that’s expected but I don’t find them anymore enjoyable than a regular party (except they cost me more money.)

I refuse to go to weddings if it's going to cost me loads of time or money. I think it's presumptuous to make those sorts of demands on guests. (To be honest, I'm not bothered about weddings anyway so I'm probably glad of an excuse not to go!)

The last wedding I went to was late last year, couple in their late 20's.
It was the photography that got me, it's all so bloody contrived.
We had to stand there twirling napkins over our heads all for the sake of a photo.
Bloody ridiculous!!

Exactly! These performance hen parties, weddings, gender reveal, baby showers etc can only gain traction if people go along with it and are willing to fork out £££ to be an extra in someone else's fantasy. Maybe 'don't be so daft' should become the response, unless you like being involved!

I remember my brother and sil having a massive and posh wedding in the early 80s (paid for by her parents).

Sounds Italian.

As a former wedding manager who has planned and attended more weddings than most, I agree with this.
I would run 1-2 weddings per week (approx) and the majority were very normal. Ceremony, drinks reception/photos, wedding breakfast, breakout, evening so, buffet/cake/first dance, last orders, done. Everything was just canny and the couple left happy. The odd time I had a bad wedding stick out in my mind. I vividly remember the time the bride was crying after she fell out with all her bridesmaids, or the bride who wanted to use turf as part of her table centerpiece (but also wanted me to look after it for a week or so after until she could collect it and lay it at home).

Yes I can just imagine you now “judge we would love you to come to our baby shower! We are so excited!” Don’t be so daft. “Judge we’re inviting you to our wedding it’s going to be the most special day of our lives and we can’t wait to see you!” Don’t be so daft.

judge doesn’t DO CELEBRATION <in the tone of joey doesn’t share food in friends>

Yeah I am in the same boat as you. I wouldn't blame the people, I would blame the industry (and "Don't Tell the Bride" :)

Its all about gimmicks now and not about parties. Someone is always crying about something to do with the wedding i.e. who is in the wedding party, who is wearing what dress, whose food requriements are being met etc...

My friend had 3 hen do's one abroard. To be fair (apart from me) she got married last and had been on so many of other peoples she had earned her right to be a Diva about it.

I went to a wedding at an incredible wedding years ago at ironmongers hall in the city. Towards the end of the after party someone did a run up and tried to surf a huge dining table and cracked it down the middle. It was hundreds of years old 🙈🙈🙈

Depends on your definition of joy. I had a childfree wedding because that's what brought me joy, no regrets.

I don't think any of those are that new, I'm Gen X and some people my age were doing OTT weddings as well.

And there's always been people being arseholes about potential guests turning down invites when the couple has decided to have a wedding that is too far away or expensive or impractical for the guests (this is one thing I do not get - I absolutely bent over backwards to make sure our wedding could be attended by all friends and family when DH was really into the idea of a country wedding 2 hours from home!)

OP, I have to agree with you. A millennial here. I’m 34. Last year, I was invited to a good friend of mine’s wedding abroad and I think it ended up costing me about £1k all in all - plus a week of annual leave. I had a great time, but that’s a lot isn’t it… not to mention she left me out of the bridal party and I wasn’t allowed a plus one.

The year prior, I went to a hen abroad and that probs cost me about £500 to £800 for a long weekend. It’s just absolutely mental.

If I ever get invited abroad for anything in the future, I’m going to have to politely decline. I’ve been frivolous (and people-pleasing) in the past, but I need to put my financial wellbeing first now!!

The irony of a thread titled ‘Millennials sucking the joy out of weddings’ attracting a whole bunch of whinges sucking the joy out of weddings!

I dunno my wedding wasn’t like this and I’ve been bridesmaid 3 times and the bride paid for my dress all 3 times ? I actually don’t even like weddings so I know what you mean but not every millennial has a wedding as you describe.