I hate having two kids

[itwouldbefineif]

Hate it. Hate it. All of my friends were one and done and I sort of wish I’d done the same. Except then I wouldn’t have one of them. It would be fine if I was a SAHM and I only had one at a time but I can’t do that.

I feel ya - mine are 3 and 18 months and I love them to the end of the earth but I’ve found going from 1-2 far far harder than 0-1. They’re both not good sleepers - baby has woken up every 45 minutes for the last 2 weeks, 3YO still wakes once (which isn’t too bad in fairness but in conjunction with the baby), and now they bicker as well.

Focus on one issue at a time. Sit down with your husband and decide how you will address a certain issue (e.g. squabbling) and do it consistently until it's improved. Then move onto another issue. Don't try and deal with everything at once or you'll become overwhelmed.

Discipline unacceptable behaviour immediately and consistently, even when you don't feel like it. Long term your life will be easier for addressing undesirable behaviour. Enact a system for rewards and discipline that will help your children be mindful about their behaviour and stick to it.

Focus on the "heart issue" not just how it manifests and talk about this regularly. E.g. if they constantly nag you to buy them things, talk to them about gratitude and make it clear before entering a shop that you are only going to buy X and there will be no impulse purchases.

I don't think it's always helpful to just tell yourself "it's just a phase". It makes you helpless and powerless to enact change. Some things are phases, other things are habits that you can work on from an early age.

So which one are you going to give away to the children's home then?

Have you broken the news to them yet?

Hi OP.

I do understand you. I have been there. But I had 3 instead of 2. And didn't like the early years either one bit.

I think it goes with the personality. I have friends who really miss that stage, the toddler years uggh. I don't. I was chaos.

But do you know what the good news is? Mine are teenagers now and I love this stage. We do hang around together. I love to hear about their interests. Love to see how they are developing into adults, and it is now that i dont want them to grow so fast! I love going all on holiday, watching films together. Having one to one time. Bring them to cafés and restaurants. We are quite a sporty family, we all enjoy that too. With older kids you have actual conversations and even when they have their days, it's a great stage :)

So what I'm trying to say is...hang on in there. This stage will pass. I felt very guilty at the time feeling what you are feeling. You aren't alone. I'm sure you will enjoy them when they grow a bit more xx

Edit to add mine had a small gap too and we had no family help either. It's very stressful, but it will pass.

He needs to take BOTH so you get a proper break and he learns to facilitate their relationship.

Well, that's a shitty response to someone similarly struggling! 🤦🏼‍♀️

I think it be better when they older. They difficult ages. It is not easy.

I love having two. No it’s not easy when they’re young, it’s very challenging, I spent many evenings crying on the stairs as I was doing it all alone.

I did consider having just the one but so glad I opted for two. They have never fallen out and get on really well. They’re grown up now and I’m so proud of them. I love them both very much.

The younger days are a memory now, I don’t know how I got through it but I did, one day at a time.

Ah op. You have my sympathy. Mine are 2 years apart and I swear that was THE WORST ages that yours are now.
They bickering, they're irrational, they're hard work and attention seeking, you get absolutely no break, it's bloody shit!

Once the youngest starts to get a little bit more independent it might feel a bit easier, but I'd encourage you to start alternating some solo parenting with DH. It's the only way you'll get a regular break without having to find and fork out for babysitters. Alternate doing solo bedtimes so each of you gets a night off - fuck off out and meet a friend, or just go for a long drive or sit in a pub. Weekends do the same - allocate at LEAST a couple of hours where one of you takes both of them, the other has time to themselves. Do a full day every now and again.
Honestly me and DH used to take one each the same as you and it meant no break ever. it's SO much better now that we alternate doing both of them.
My DH works away a lot too so I enforce him taking them out when I need a break and just want to be at home.
Anyway rant away and ignore odd comments. You'll find some people on Mumsnet love taking down struggling mums who dare complain.

My partner takes ours out for a drive at the weekend and lets me have an hour to nap etc (I’m pregnant). He also would have them at home or take them out for a morning if needed but just a suggestion that’s an easy way to have both and give you just a little rest! They normally sleep in the car, oldest won’t nap at home, and it breaks up the day so well!

You are at the worst stage of it, terrible twos and another child that is still too young to make things easier. It does get better. My first two are 20 months apart and we waited AGES to have a third because the first two were so difficult....but once they got older and easier we went for a dog and a third child :) It got so much easier from ages 6 and 8. Now they are 11 and 13 and youngest 5. Things are so much better, I sometimes think of a 4th and wish I could, but just feel too old at 42.

I sometimes think I must be an anomoly as I have two boys and they have never fallen out. From baby, toddler, teens, adult. I’ve been very thankful for that. I, on the other hand fell out with my own siblings on an almost daily basis.

They argue for your attention.

Check out tnlc.info for resources to change your family dynamic for everyone, for ever.

It gets easier! 2.5 years between mine (and no 2 turned out to be nos 2 and 3 - twins) and it’s now an absolute dream. They’re 11 and just 14 and for the last 2-3 years or so a lot of parenting has been sitting back while they hang out doing stuff together… occasional refereeing only, and sone enabling with ideas to get them going, but they’ll now hang for hours together. It’s a joy to see. You’re deep in the trenches and when the youngest starts school it’ll all feel much easier x

When mine were the same age, I think I had a permanent FML feeling. They grow up bloody fast and yes, there might be arguments along the way, but they are company for each other. You are at the coal face of parenting just now. It does get better.

Also we absolutely formalised baby sitting swaps… so you agree to day or night sit your friends’ kids and they do the same for you. That was a great arrangement for us.

And…. Do a weekend morning each. So you each get a lie in and wander out for a coffee until 10am or whatever. It helps! We still do it now… it’s really restorative

Get them a tonne of different arts & crafts stuff, that will keep them busy for a bit !

We had a 3.5 year gap so it was never heavy duty but it did drag on forever. DH used to take them both on Saturday mornings and I had them both on Sunday mornings. It meant we got a complete break.

Personally I found 1 to 2 much easier than 0 to 1. Fortunately they get on, even at 26 and 30. They still compete though.

I look back to their infant days with great fondness even though dd cried if a bit of her wasn't touching a bit of me until she was about 4.

They also don't have the pressure of being the only child that needs to succeed, they can fuck up for a bit and somebody else can take up that slack! They also have all to cook, clean and self manage as we don't have the time or energy to look after them all the time. Again essential skills.

I thought this type of attitude towards only children were long gone, clearly not. Why on earth would my child have all "the pressures to succeed" and never to have any fuck ups? She's human. My child can also cook and clean and self manage despite being an only child. Bizarre outlook.

Fucking horrendous at that age. Mine are now 10 and 14 and spend 70% of their time being together it’s lovely. When they were 2 and 6 it was absolutely awful. I also worked ft and it was just too much. I look back now with rose tinted glasses but really I didn’t like that time. It does fly though

Oh I felt like this at the start. I promise it will get easier.

My girls are 11 and 8 now and yesterday I barely saw them because they were off playing together in the garden together literally all day.

Bless you…sounds like you have a similar ish age gap to me (2.5 years) and I often look back and think how the actual fuck did I do it. It does get easier as they get older….xxx

Please don't take it out on your second child. My mother resented me and it left me confused and sad. Get therapy to work through feelings.

You both need to give each other a break.

DH needs to get up early on a Saturday and take them both out until after lunch, and then you do the same in return on a Sunday.