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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I hate having two kids

338 replies

itwouldbefineif · 14/04/2025 18:15

Hate it. Hate it. All of my friends were one and done and I sort of wish I’d done the same. Except then I wouldn’t have one of them. It would be fine if I was a SAHM and I only had one at a time but I can’t do that.

OP posts:
Yazzi · 14/04/2025 21:32

Twinkletoes10 · 14/04/2025 19:58

I think this op posts this same issue a lot and often any helpful comments are turned into negatives.

Show quote history

Give it a rest you lot, who do you think you are, Wagatha Christie over here. She's said this is her first post. She's struggling. What on earth possesses you to determinedly prove her wrong on such an utter non issue.

ThatsNotMyTeen · 14/04/2025 21:32

i also much prefer having older teenagers to younger kids. They were cute and funny but I’ve never hankered to go back to the young child years.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 14/04/2025 21:32

itwouldbefineif · 14/04/2025 20:19

You don’t get it @Waterlilysunset . Have a lie in and DH has them and I can hear them screaming and arguing and crying. Not quite the same. Nearest family are 80 miles away and DH isn’t here most of the week. Plus to be honest having them both is so stressful we both try to minimise doing that to the other parent unless strictly necessary. Aside from cost you say, yes, it is a big aside isn’t it? And the restaurant thing - it just isn’t the same as having a relaxing family meal with a toddler. Unless I resort to screens but even then have to help them with food and have wipes and the like at the ready. It’s fine if you can do all the above with a four year old, two year old twins and pregnant but we just can’t at the moment and that’s just how things are.

You need to adapt. We also had a 4 and 2 year old and the jump was harder than when we went from 2 to 3. DH needs to do better!!! There shouldn't be "screaming and arguing and crying" if he's entertaining them properly! We each got a lie-in one weekend morning and DH wasn't father of the year either I can tell you!

You can't have a "relaxing meal with a toddler". You just have to accept that for a few years. What did you think was going to happen?! Go for lunch instead while they're in childcare. Get a takeaway when they're in bed. Would their childcare provider be up for babysitting?

Our parents were too far away too to help us. You just have to find a way to make it work, otherwise you will all be miserable.

Telling someone they don't get it is a bit ridiculous tbh. Anyone who has had small child absolutely gets it!

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 14/04/2025 21:34

Twinkletoes10 · 14/04/2025 19:58

I think this op posts this same issue a lot and often any helpful comments are turned into negatives.

Show quote history

I think you should mind your own. What does it matter to you if the OP posts this every single day? Nothing to stop her and you are not compelled to answer.

NY152 · 14/04/2025 21:34

Honestly give it a year. Mine do argue constantly but also have so much fun together and don’t rely on us to always be “entertaining”. Those are tough ages. I reckon there’s pros and cons to both but I never worry if I don’t manage to schedule a million play dates in the hols because I know they’ve got each other .

bettydavieseyes · 14/04/2025 21:37

If it helps OP I had one for 11 years. She was very lonely and often bored, I had to play with her a lot. I found that tiring tbh. Then I had 2 close in age when she was 11, so I ended up where you are, 4 and 2-but also with a teenager (and SEN to boot) it was hard but they werent lonely or bored..the younger ones are 8 and 10 now and it's great! It feels more complete.
Toddlers are hard, everyone knows that! It passes and then you weirdly pine for those days!

harijes · 14/04/2025 21:37

itwouldbefineif · 14/04/2025 18:15

Hate it. Hate it. All of my friends were one and done and I sort of wish I’d done the same. Except then I wouldn’t have one of them. It would be fine if I was a SAHM and I only had one at a time but I can’t do that.

What do you mean? Only have one at a time if a sahm.

CarlyCoffee · 14/04/2025 21:39

I think it must be quite intense to have one. Like during the school holidays it’s all on the parents to keep them entertained, either themselves or arranging play dates etc. We spend quite a lot of time at home and the girls just play happily (admittedly it’s taken a good few years to reach that point). Now, I would definitely say I reckon it’s easier with two.

Crazyworldmum · 14/04/2025 21:39

It’s their age . It gets better . I have 3 and the third threw us off balance a bit but I’m quite convinced a fourth would be easier lol .
What don’t you like exactly

Zanatdy · 14/04/2025 21:40

I feel for you OP. Mine are teens now and give me teens over toddlers anytime. Parents of similar age DC often say they are struggling with them growing up but adult DC are so much easier. This stage will pass, and yes they might still argue, but each stage has a time frame, and once your youngest is 4, things will improve!

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 14/04/2025 21:41

Oh op, I remember it well. Hell on earth!!,My 2 boys fought endlessly, hated each other with venom. Now they are grown men and good pals. It will get easier, not sure when it happened but it did 😂

Ghouuuls · 14/04/2025 21:42

Sorry you’re having a tough time OP. I agree that toddlers can be bonkers, and hopefully things will gradually get much easier.

Sounds like I’m in for a fun year ahead. Mine are almost 4 and almost 2, plus a bonus one week old baby. So far, so good, but maybe it’s all downhill from here! 😳😂

legallyblond · 14/04/2025 21:43

CarlyCoffee · 14/04/2025 21:24

Oh I felt like this at the start. I promise it will get easier.

My girls are 11 and 8 now and yesterday I barely saw them because they were off playing together in the garden together literally all day.

I agree! From this age onwards (from the youngest being about 6 actually) they just play and play….

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 14/04/2025 21:44

BunnyLake · 14/04/2025 21:10

I sometimes think I must be an anomoly as I have two boys and they have never fallen out. From baby, toddler, teens, adult. I’ve been very thankful for that. I, on the other hand fell out with my own siblings on an almost daily basis.

I've two girls and a boy and even now in their 20s, they bicker!! But they have never had a fallout and they're all very close, which I love! Wherever they are and whatever they're doing they're in touch with each other and with me every day.

ThisFluentBiscuit · 14/04/2025 21:45

itwouldbefineif · 14/04/2025 18:30

I hope you’re right but I’m not hopeful. Constant constant arguing.

Silver lining...that must be great for your two-year-old's verbal development tho!

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 14/04/2025 21:45

No they don't all just play and play. Often they fight and fight until they leave home.

Can people not support the OP without resorting to lazy stereotypes about onlies or acting like all siblings are the Brady Bunch?

LillianGish · 14/04/2025 21:46

The age gap you have now is as wide as it will ever be if that make sense - there's a big difference between two and four, but that age gap will quickly close as your two year old gets older and can be a proper playmate for their sibling and that's when you'll start to feel the benefit! Mine entertained each other for hours - I'm not saying there wasn't a bit of squabbling, but much less effort than when you have to be their sole entertainment (or always have to invite someone else's child along). They'll always have each other - my two (girl and a boy two years apart) are in their early 20s now, but are still thick as thieves when they get together. You're in the trenches at the moment, but pretty soon you'll be out of this phase and you'll be reaping the benefits.

SnugOchrePombear · 14/04/2025 21:50

Kids grow quick. Enjoy them while they are babies/little. I have 6 kids and love second of them. I love watching them grow into people.

MummaMummaMumma · 14/04/2025 21:52

Surely, as mum and dad, you can each cope with taking both the kids out for a few hours? Nothing fancy, just the park/soft play. Then the other parent can get an actual break/sleep. Some times you need to tag team.
And yes, I am familiar with that age gap. I have pretty much exactly 2 years between each of my 3 kids.

legallyblond · 14/04/2025 21:53

@itwouldbefineif please do listen to those of us who have been deep in the trenches! Get a weekend morning off each (I used to just get up and go for a walk, followed by coffeee with the papers… heaven) - you’ll walk back into carnage at 10/11am but it’s worth it, and get another family to regularly swap a baby sitting evening (inc bedtime) with you. You do their kids one night (while your dh does your kids’ bedtime) and that gets you and DH a lovely long night off…

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 14/04/2025 21:53

Zanatdy · 14/04/2025 21:40

I feel for you OP. Mine are teens now and give me teens over toddlers anytime. Parents of similar age DC often say they are struggling with them growing up but adult DC are so much easier. This stage will pass, and yes they might still argue, but each stage has a time frame, and once your youngest is 4, things will improve!

It's every bit as challenging. The challenges are just different. At least at 4 and 2, you know where they are and what they're doing. Teens, not so much.

RosesAndHellebores · 14/04/2025 21:54

As an only child @itwouldbefineif I was determined that my eldest would have a sibling. My mother is almost 89. There is only one of me and nobody to share the load.

We had no family close by either. Do you have any teenage neighbours who might be happy to come in for a couple of hours to entertain the dc whilst you crack on with something else. It might be £20 well spent.

faerietales · 14/04/2025 21:54

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 14/04/2025 21:45

No they don't all just play and play. Often they fight and fight until they leave home.

Can people not support the OP without resorting to lazy stereotypes about onlies or acting like all siblings are the Brady Bunch?

Agreed - there’s another thread running at the moment about two siblings who just fight constantly and sadly it’s not all that uncommon.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 14/04/2025 21:55

Be careful, I thought that I was just struggling with two (having had a dreamily easy first baby) until I crashed and was diagnosed with PND. Look after yourself, please xx

Sunflower1650 · 14/04/2025 21:55

Ahh OP. I feel you. I found going from 1-2 so difficult. I felt so overwhelmed and outnumbered and I became the snappy mum that I never wanted to be. Mine are now 6 and 2.5 and I’m starting to find it a bit easier. I think it’s mainly because my eldest has changed so much in the last year and generally become easier and a joy to be around, that everything has felt much better. I love his age now. I still find the 2 year old so tricky - delightful one minute and a demon the next. Trips out are still incredibly difficult with him. Anyway what I’m trying to say is, that as they get older it will get easier. I know how hard it can be with very little support network.